To regret moving DP in to my house

[JadeySmiles]

Hi all, the previous topic isn’t accepting new posts so I thought I’d update here.

We have had the conversation about split of
chores, DP said he can chip in ‘as and when needed’ but he didn’t have a suggested split as I hoped which was frustrating.

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage and asked me when that will be. I said I want to wait and see how things go over the next few months as we get used to living with each other.

He was a bit funny with this and suggested I’m backtracking on an agreement. But we didn’t ever set a timeline. He says his Mum has
told him the funds she/his Dad are gifting are currently in a low paying interest account and if he doesn’t take them soon they’ll fix them for a year so he needs to hurry up if he wants them.

I said this doesn’t change my feelings and we need to see how things go. He seems to be sulking now and has been on his games console in the spare bedroom since dinner, which he criticised and said he’s getting fed up with the same vegan meals. I told him he’s welcome to cook for us tomorrow!!

"I don’t want the police to turn up and make a scene, I own my house and it will embarrassing in front of the neighbours."

You've always got an excuse.

Your neighbors will respect you when they see you act decisively ending a bad situation.

Don't be more of an idiot that you admit you have been already. He knows that you're worried about what others would think - it's exactly why he's refusing to leave quietly.

The police won't smash the door down. They'll come quietly, knock on the door and suggest that he leaves the easy way. He'll be too chickenshit to tell them to fuck off. Because they're male, usually.

Cells are free, though. So if all else fails, he'll have somewhere to go if Mummy can't sub him a few quid - considering he's apparently got savings from not paying his way in terms of rent, pretty sure he'd be able to afford something anyhow.

Your problem because?

You've given him ample opportunity to get his act together / prove to you he can pull his weight. HE has shown he gives zero fucks for you/your opinions/ your standards. If no room at parents or a house share, paying for a hotel is the consequence of his behaviour/choices. Call the police.

Let him stay then and tomorrow, when he's got over his hangover, he'll persuade you he's very sorry, he'll pull his socks up, it won't happen again and you'll believe that this time you've really got through to him.....until the next time.

Not your problem.

Not your problem to fix. Stop feeling sorry for him, he's brought it on himself.

What kind of scene are you expecting if the police turn up? Is he going to kick and scream at them while they drag him out in handcuffs in front of the whole street? No of course not. You tell him he either leaves or you will call the police, he whinges, you start dialling, he won't wait for them to turn up. Problem solved.

But you know his Mummy and Daddy have a chunk of money for him, in an easy to access account, so he can absolutely afford any hotel he likes.

Or if they're keen he doesn't waste those funds on a hotel, he can crash on their sofa.

He has lots of options.

He does not prefer them to cocklodging with you.

He, his finances, his living arrangements, are no longer your problem.

And please don't be worried about the police turning up.

It'll be two officers quietly in a car, it won't be a riot bus and wham-rams, sirens screaming, lights flashing.

If your neighbours ask, you had a problem, they helped you resolve it, you don't take any shit. What on EARTH could be embarrassing about that?

Do you have a strong willed friend or family member who can come round? Hes an absolute loser - he can go home to mummy and tell her why hes been kicked out. He leaves, or you call the police - your house, your rules,.and right now he is trespassing

Why can't he go to his parent's house? They surely have a sofa he can doss on? He's trying to grind you down OP and is hoping you'll relent tomorrow.

Big hugs …. I’m so sorry @JadeySmiles you must be in shock and sad. What a misogynistic prick he turned out to be. Once he is out give yourself a big cuddle and bubble bath and time to be sad. Then you can be grateful that you didn’t add him to the mortgage….

Frankly, not your problem.

It's harsh but he's brought it on himself.

Think of the relief when he's gone.

He says he is going to go to a friends first thing tomorrow and he is sleeping in the spare room tonight so I don’t have to see him.

Locks changed as soon as he’s gone, OP. Please don’t hesitate.

That is not an option that’s available to him and not a decision that he can make.
He needs to leave now otherwise you will call the police.
Do Not back down on this otherwise he is not leaving tomorrow I promise you

@Withoutfearorfavour enter hang dog smile and vague attempt at cleaning.
Edited to add: I read the first post of this thread and he has a games console in that spare room so he’s hardly suffering is he?
And there is plenty of money in that low interest account so let him go and find somewhere.
And being ‘even more firm’ means letting him stay after abusing the house - again - I am not sure posters can offer advice which is heard.

Please be careful, if he drinks tonight he could easily be violent, he’s already proved to be a total prick

Absolutely all of this this is the most dangerous time for you, Jade
You’ve shown him your cards you’ve told him you don’t want him
He has nowhere to live and nothing to lose. He might as well hurt you before he goes. Try and save some of his ego.

He has to go tonight. You can’t sleep in the house with him tonight.

You really don't have to allow him to stay tonight if you don't want to. As PPs have said, he has options. In any case, I hope he has cleaned the mess he made.

If he refuses to leave, you are well within your rights to call the police. Please don't worry about embarrassment in front of the neighbours. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. If your ex makes a scene, I would imagine that your neighbours would have only sympathy for you.

Hotels might be extortionate but if it’s only one night he can manage. Or he could sleep in his car. Or he could sleep at his parents house, I’m sure they have floor space somewhere. He has no intention of moving out. He expects to talk you round tomorrow.

Well done for telling him to go though. That can’t have been easy.

No he won’t clean. Says it’s my house so my job.

Tell him that it's your house so he can't stay another night

Your house get out then. I don’t know this man and I’d throw him out myself if I could get my hands on him!!!

Jade, he needs to go tonight in case he decides to kill you.
everybody else is gently tiptoe around that fact, but you are in the most danger now than you have ever been at any time in your life.

He is probably hoping you will change your mind by the morning.
I once had to get the police to remove someone from my house and they were very discreet .