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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To regret moving DP in to my house

591 replies

JadeySmiles · 17/04/2025 22:30

Hi all, the previous topic isn’t accepting new posts so I thought I’d update here.

We have had the conversation about split of
chores, DP said he can chip in ‘as and when needed’ but he didn’t have a suggested split as I hoped which was frustrating.

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage and asked me when that will be. I said I want to wait and see how things go over the next few months as we get used to living with each other.

He was a bit funny with this and suggested I’m backtracking on an agreement. But we didn’t ever set a timeline. He says his Mum has
told him the funds she/his Dad are gifting are currently in a low paying interest account and if he doesn’t take them soon they’ll fix them for a year so he needs to hurry up if he wants them.

I said this doesn’t change my feelings and we need to see how things go. He seems to be sulking now and has been on his games console in the spare bedroom since dinner, which he criticised and said he’s getting fed up with the same vegan meals. I told him he’s welcome to cook for us tomorrow!!

OP posts:
PeggyMitchellsCameo · 20/04/2025 19:42

Please read your own words and as PP have said he doesn’t sound stable. He actually sounds unhinged.

To regret moving DP in to my house
Mrsmouse71 · 20/04/2025 19:42

Do you have family or friends who can be with you until he goes?

WeHaveTheRabbit · 20/04/2025 19:42

JadeySmiles · 20/04/2025 19:38

No he won’t clean. Says it’s my house so my job.

He really is a pig. He still thinks he has no responsibility to clean up after himself. Tell him, "Yes, it is my house. And now it's time for you to leave. Not tomorrow. Now."

I know it must be distressing for you to realise he isn't the man you thought he was and that you have no future with him. It may be cold comfort, but at least he showed his true colours before you became even more committed to him, before marriage, before children.

Isthisit22 · 20/04/2025 19:44

I know it doesn’t seem so now but this is the best thing that could have happened. At least you now know for sure what he really thinks about women and you. You have had a lucky escape.
Please stay safe. Is there anyone you can call to come and stay or help you get him out?
You owe him absolutely nothing.

LillyPJ · 20/04/2025 19:45

@Withoutfearorfavour I can see he's an awful man but there's no need to be so melodramatic and scare-mongering about it.

Gundogday · 20/04/2025 19:46

Good riddance!

Calabasas · 20/04/2025 19:47

Surely his lovely parents have a sofa bed or spare bed?? They may not be his first choice but he’s not in a position to choose. He’s treating you with such disrespect that he doesn’t get the luxury of choice imo. Can’t believe the turn of events but suggest you get somebody one of your friends locally to come over & check in on you while this is going on. It will show him you’re not completely alone/vulnerable. The sooner you can get him out the quicker. He should have plenty of money to pay for accommodation if he’s not paying rent. Again that isn’t your responsibility. You need to impose a deadline & stick to it - if you’re not out by x time I will change the locks type thing. Good luck.

Mrsmouse71 · 20/04/2025 19:47

LillyPJ · 20/04/2025 19:45

@Withoutfearorfavour I can see he's an awful man but there's no need to be so melodramatic and scare-mongering about it.

There is every reason to be melodramatic and scaremongering. Do you know how many woman are the victims of violence when they’re trying to end a relationship???

FOJN · 20/04/2025 19:47

JadeySmiles · 20/04/2025 19:23

He says he is going to go to a friends first thing tomorrow and he is sleeping in the spare room tonight so I don’t have to see him.

He doesn't get to dictate when he moves out of your house. If you want him gone tonight tell him you want his key now and he has an hour to pack and then you will call the police. This doesn't mean you will call the police but hopefully the threat will be enough to make him get a move on.

Call a friend or family member to come and keep you company whilst you wait for him to go.

Withoutfearorfavour · 20/04/2025 19:49

LillyPJ · 20/04/2025 19:45

@Withoutfearorfavour I can see he's an awful man but there's no need to be so melodramatic and scare-mongering about it.

What is the most dangerous time of the abuse cycle?

Unfortunately, the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when the victim tries to leave. That is when they are most likely to be seriously injured or even killed by the abuser.

https://www.tessacs.org

TESSA of Colorado Springs | Building a Community Without Domestic or Sexual Violence

https://www.tessacs.org

Calabasas · 20/04/2025 19:53

Actually you should look to change your locks anyway regardless of if he goes quietly/quickly. You don’t want any repercussions.

Zonder · 20/04/2025 19:57

JadeySmiles · 20/04/2025 19:38

No he won’t clean. Says it’s my house so my job.

I'm glad he has really shown you his true colours. What about his mess so his job?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 20/04/2025 20:03

He really is full of excuses, isn't he.

NO NO NO to the spare room, he goes now !

as Mummy and Daddy don't want him turning up late at night

otherwise you have no choice but to dial 999 and get him out

do you know how many women have been killed this week by angry men for one reason or another

Mrsmouse71 · 20/04/2025 20:04

Seriously, the cleaning is irrelevant now, all that’s important is you get him out and you’re safe

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 20/04/2025 20:05

JadeySmiles · 20/04/2025 19:38

No he won’t clean. Says it’s my house so my job.

He’s really showing his true colours now isn’t he? If he agrees it’s your house, why is he still there?

What are you doing this evening? Are you shut in your room trying to ignore him or something?

JadeySmiles · 20/04/2025 20:11

One of my friends lives close and has said I can stay with her tonight if I want, then he will be gone tomorrow.

OP posts:
AlertCat · 20/04/2025 20:13

I once called the police to evict my partner at the time. They were not aggressive but they were firm. They waited while he packed a few things and then they escorted him away. They reassured me while they waited. It was quiet and efficient. Please, @JadeySmiles , just get him out. Get him gone. He thinks he has the right to do whatever he likes- he thinks he has the right to stay as long as he likes, and that you can’t make him do anything. Please call the police and tell them your now ex will not vacate your home. What if he gets his friends back round? He could open your home up to anyone- in revenge or spite or in a ‘nothing left to lose’ mood.

Mrsmouse71 · 20/04/2025 20:13

Go now, at least you’ll be safe

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 20/04/2025 20:13

why

where is he going to go tomorrow that he can't go now

you allow that and be prepared to have your house trashed
items stolen
locks changed - just to piss you off

do not leave him alone in your house

Withoutfearorfavour · 20/04/2025 20:13

JadeySmiles · 20/04/2025 20:11

One of my friends lives close and has said I can stay with her tonight if I want, then he will be gone tomorrow.

He wont go tomorrow.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 20/04/2025 20:15

how many friends / family can you get round NOW to hold your hand whilst he leaves tonight

DollydaydreamTheThird · 20/04/2025 20:16

Get him out now @JadeySmiles. Get a friend or family member round to help you get rid of him. His fault not yours. Do not feel any guilt. He's a total arsehole. He has no respect for you or your home. You are so lucky that he was such a wanker early on. Some wait a while until they have well and truly got their feet under the table to show their true colours. I wish you all the best. It will hurt for a bit but you will look back and feel so relieved you didn't put him on the mortgage or heaven forbid have kids with the lazy fucker.

Tameys · 20/04/2025 20:17

JadeySmiles · 20/04/2025 20:11

One of my friends lives close and has said I can stay with her tonight if I want, then he will be gone tomorrow.

What are you doing leaving YOUR home.
Honestly OP, one bad decision after another.
Tell HIM to leave.

Alwaysinamood · 20/04/2025 20:17

Oh my gosh he’s well and truly has lighted you and now trying to make you feel bad about chucking him out. I definitely think you need to get the police involved. Don’t be embarrassed- he won’t go otherwise. He sounds like a total idiot and even narcissistic- I expect he will turn again and be apologetic.

Alwaysinamood · 20/04/2025 20:18

Tameys · 20/04/2025 20:17

What are you doing leaving YOUR home.
Honestly OP, one bad decision after another.
Tell HIM to leave.

I wouldn’t leave him in your home either- he will probably trash it, get drunk again and you will have twice the mess!!! Police - out - restraining order if needed

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