BIL's new GF laughed at me and called me weird - AIBU

[comeandhaveteawithme]

DH's brother got a new girlfriend around Christmas time. At the end of January, he brought her round to an evening gathering at our house.

At first it seemed to be going OK. The girl was really quiet and barely said a word at first which I put down to shyness.

During the evening, our DS (11) came downstairs from his room and said he was a bit scared because he'd heard a freaky noise outside. I said "oh, was it a screeching sound?" He said it was I said "it will be the foxes mating cry, don't worry about it, they always mate at the end of January" DS went back to bed, reassured.

The GF let out a high pitch screech of laughter and said "You KNOW exactly when foxes have sex! That's SO WIERD" with this continued high pitched laugh. Baring in mind she'd barely said a word all night and the first thing she says is that I'm weird, in my own house, I thought it was pretty rude of her.

But I just tried to be polite and said "oh..yeah..Well I'm interested in wildlife and I like foxes so I remember they mate in January and have their cubs in March" and then she sort of wrinkled her nose and gave a side eye so I felt awkward and carried blethering on and said "I quite like hearing them because it reminds me spring is coming". And she laughed again and said "you like hearing foxes have sex, so weird" then the subject changed.

Now BIL has suggested we all go out together for an evening at a pub.

AIBU to not really fancy it? First impressions of the GF really weren't great. She was rude and made me uncomfortable while a guest in my house and pretty much the only thing she said all night was to make fun of me. She also came across extremely immature.

DH thinks I'm too sensitive and should give her another chance.

Yeah, exactly, I don't hide in the woods with a pair of binoculars hoping to spy them then go home and watch my secret videos alone in my bedroom 😄

I just hear a nature noise and think "yay, it's fucking freezing and depressing right now but it will soon be spring!"

To be honest I'd find you going on about foxes' mating habits much more awkward.

You’ve never watch a nature documentary then? Or talked about it?

You get over yourself.

People will pick on anything here to start an argument

Your first explaination was completely normal -going on it then say you liked hearing them was a little odd but even if you'd said "yeah I know all about animal mating because I'm a massive furry and my fursona is a white Arctic fox called Boris" it would STILL have been rude of her to call you weird in your own house the first time she met you!

I would give her one more chance (because whats the alternative, refuse to soend any time with bil until they break up) in the hope shes more relaxed in a neutral area and not the first time youre meeting, but if she's rude again feel free to pull her up on it (not in a "kick off" way just a "that's a rude thing to say," way).

It is possible that she replayed the conversation in her head since then and was mortified by what she said... take the high road, forgive her the faux pas and see if the next night is better. In time to come you both may become best friends and laugh about it.. Give her another chance.😊

Oh I'm not saying your reasoning for saying it is wrong @comeandhaveteawithme - it just made me laugh when I read it and think "yeah that is a bit weird" 😂

This. I made a terrible first impression on my SIL and her husband. I kept going on about how their dog was a wierd shape and looked like a snake.
I was an awkward 20 year old.
They love me now I'm nearly 40, lol.

You should give her another chance. I don’t think you said anything weird re the foxes, so you’re not BU for that. But it would be unreasonable not to go and meet her in a pub when invited. She’s not a total random who you have no call to socialise with - she’s your DH’s brother’s girlfriend and so there’s always a chance she might be around for some time. Even immature people can grow up. As the “mature” one you should go out with them.

Blimey, some people have a low threshold for what they consider 'weird'. Get a grip. There's nothing remotely 'weird' about it and thinking a mention of foxes mating is somehow too rude for dinner is a new level of prudery.

OP, I suspect she was just socially awkward and I wouldn't really worry about it.

She's probably just a very different person to you - give her a second chance and go to the pub, she might have just been nervous - but if she carries on making you feel shit, you are not obliged to spend time with her.

I get where you were coming from @comeandhaveteawithme and whilst I think you were likely a bit flustered and stumbled your words (liking hearing foxes have sex is weird without it being part of a much wider conversation than it sounds like you had) I'd give her the benefit of the doubt that she was nervous and flustered and stumbled over her words too. I'd go to the pub and give her another chance and see if it just was a very awkward first meeting

I'd give her another chance in case she's just a bit awkward or was trying to make a joke that didn't land well. Some people think nothing of calling one another 'weird', though probably not the first time they meet! If this ends up being a serious relationship for your BIL, you'll probably be seeing her from time to time, so it would be good if you all got along well. If you still don't like her afterwards, at least you'll given her a fair chance.

She sounds a bit young and bit inexperienced, a bit socially awkward .Give her a second chance .

There's a place for everything. Making a guest you've never met before feel uncomfortable isn't the right place.

What are you on? She was talking to her son about a noise, not showing her guest her collection of fox mating videos

I love that you were able to calm your son at the same time as educating him. You weren’t being unreasonable at all to say that to him. It was all very straightforward, factual and obviously, exactly what needed to be said to satisfy your young child.
The fact is, SIL needed educating too. She is obvioulsy so hung up about sex that she doesn’t understand that animals mate to reproduce and found it a giggly subject, (as might a very young bunch of school girls), which prompted her stupid response. You were kind not to give her a sharp comment about her immaturity yourself, especially as you weren’t even addressing her.

I think she’s a bit in awe of you and put you down to make herself feel more confident. Quite transparent really.
I would try not to take it personally at all OP. If she starts that trick again, just call her out on it….or quietly say ‘Listen SIL, I don’t mean to upset you and I get we don’t know each other too well as yet, but just so we do understand each other, that sort of comment you just made, could well be taken as offensive so I’d be happier if you could be a bit more considerate as it isn’t helping create a good impression.

That isn't the behaviour of a nervous person!

She sounds small-minded, ignorant and easily threatened - and very ready to put you down.

I've had this kind of thing - people who know nothing about certain subjects (and, IME, not much about anything much) like to make out that someone who has interests and hobbies - or just plain general knowledge - is weird.

You're not weird, OP. This woman sounds immature, unrewarding as company and very limited and boring. She needs to grow up, learn some manners and some social behaviour. Stand firm!

OP, I suspect she was just socially awkward and I wouldn't really worry about it.

Hmmm - but she repeated the 'weird' jibe a couple of times and made a face.

That's more than socially awkward in my book.

Bit rude, bit socially inept, but harmless. I’d probably give her another chance and if she’s rude again give her a clap back.

How old is she?

I think she sounds uncurious, a little intellectually challenged, quite small-minded and prurient.
As do those on this thread throwing up their hands in horror at the idea that one might know anything about animals' behaviour and timings, when there are animals everywhere.
Having said that, I'd go to this thing and see how she acts.

She sounds like a mean, snide, high school girl, I'd give it a swerve. The older I get the less inclined I feel to waste my time doing thing don't like with people I don't like.

She didn’t say that you were weird she said that a fact you knew was weird.

I'd not be rushing to socialise with her outside of necessary family obligations. So, family meal at MILs, yes. Couples evening at pub, no. Perhaps in the course of the obligatory meetings she'll improve and you'll warm to her. If so you can always start extra socialising then.

What on earth is awkward about saying to your son that the loud screeches he can hear is just the Fox mating calls.

Once you've heard foxes on the job you never forget it.

It's a shame you think knowing things is weird - we wouldn't get on.