To speak to my neighbour's about her disabled child?

[RootsBeforeTheFruits]

OK I've named changed....

I've recently moved house and have been at the new house about 9 months, for the first few months next door was empty and being renovated. Once it finished it was quickly rented out to my current neighbour's. She's a nice enough woman we have a gab in passing, she had a son with additional needs.

Here's the problem ....it's a terraced style house and he frequently bangs shit out of the walls, in the day I don't mind as much it's the day, but he bangs well into the night i don't mean the odd tapping it's actually shaking our walls. It frequently wakes my children up in the night and they've been extra tired in school.

Do I speak to her about it, i explain to the children that he has additional needs and more than likely can't help this behavior, I really don't know what to do

I don't need to.
I have this crazy thing called real life.

That's hilarious, because posters were admonished for even thinking that the neighbour wasn't painfully aware.

Believe me, don't.
I honestly couldn't care less..

That doesn't make anything I've said less true.

"Given his level of disability, I am surprised he is not in residential care. I mentioned Katie Price's son in a previous post. He went to residential school Monday to Friday I think. It can be better for the yp to get appropriate support and for the parent - and neighbours - to get respite."

Most children with those needs aren't in residential care or go to residential school. Katie Price's son went to residential college at 18 or 19.

Well that's fine then. Sorry for getting into a debate about this. I just don't think it was good advice and I'm surprised a SEN teacher would suggest this. If you think my advice, (or all the other parents dealing with children with SEN on here) are wrong, we are better off agreeing to disagree. Nobody has said anyone's needs trump the others, just that it is a difficult situation and speaking direct first instead of complaining etc, is a bit more compassionate and probably better in the long run. Just seems logical to me, but ultimately it is up to the person with the issue what advice they take.

No, stop giving terrible advice.

The test for what constitutes a statutory nuisance when it comes to noise is available on most council's websites alongside what they would usually consider outside the scope of this. Crying babies and children playing are often explicitly mentioned as something that is outside of the scope. Involuntary noise made by a disabled person (child or not) is not explicitly excluded. This means that it is very much at the discretion of each LA whether they consider it is noise as that has occured as a result of a 'normal' activity. Someone banging their head against the wall for hours on end into the early hours of the morning absolutely could be considered unusual and unreasonable, irrespective of whether the noise is made involuntarily or by a child. OP may well find that the LA side with her if the noise is as bad as she says and impacting her family massively. As we discussed before, it's all about what is considered proportionate.

I don't know why you want to push conciliation so heavily when the neighbour may not be up for making adaptions or in a position to implement them. Conciliation is one option available but there are also other ones that may be more effective.

Perhaps a username like
Charlieboy would be more appropriate 😁

or did Camilla take that one 🤣

It isn't at all difficult if you have a huge level of need and evidence. I would assume that there is an ehc plan in place ( England), or should be, unless mum pulled him out of school.

I did say the mum might not want to but things seem out of her control. At some point someone will have to act.

He has aged out and is in full time residential now I think.

It really isn't that hard to get this type of provision if a child has that level of need. I agree it's hard at the lower end of the sen scale. But I used to work on supporting parents with ehc plans and if there is huge need for support, the LA usually acts.

I actually visited Harvey's school. The children there had severe and multiple disabilities. No way would a LA leave those kids with no support.

Sorry, I meant to say he went to specialist day school Monday to Friday and then to residential school

Thar doesnt mean she has to send her child away!
I have a severley disabled chiild who is in a special ,school ( not residential) he also hss very challeging behaviour ,residential hss never been discussed with us and irs not something we wish to pursue
I have a friend who has a son in resdential school ,it took untill things reached crisis point before the LA ageeed to fund it, took another year before a resdential school waa found that agreed it could meet my friends sons needs and its a six hour drive away ,its far from an easy option.

No but they are often met in a day school ,my son goes to such a school it caters to kid ,s with severe ,and profound and multiple learning disabillities.

No, but if the neighbours are complaining, it is more evidence if the mum does want it to put pressure on the LA.

I know parents sometimes have to persevere, but there is a huge spectrum of child's needs and support. And if there is a high level of need, the LA should be involved.

Tbh, if I was the OP I would call social services and make a report. This would definitely get services involved if they are not already involved, from a child in need, not child at risk, point of view.

This.

With situation I shared in my previous post, the verbal noises the child made (he would often shout and yelp) were not considered as part of the noise complaints. The banging and scraping were.

At no point was there any suggestion made of 'making the child stop'; simply that their property was not fit for purpose.

I would ask the people crying ableism: How long would you tolerate your children having to sleep in a tent in your garden or at a relative's house before you did something about it?

It's not ableist to want to live a regular, peaceful life.

My son would be considered "more disabled" than Harvey, and my worst nightmare is him having to go into a residential home. He is my son, I adore him, and I want him to stay with me for as long as he needs. It isn't the norm for children like mine to go to residential care these days. We accept that life will not be as we thought and we do what we can to give them a good life.

"It isn't at all difficult if you have a huge level of need and evidence. I would assume that there is an ehc plan in place ( England), or should be, unless mum pulled him out of school.
I did say the mum might not want to but things seem out of her control. At some point someone will have to act."

Even if social care agree that a child meets the criteria it is not easy to find a placement. There are far more wanting placements than there are placements.

Also social care are never going to try to force a placement for a child for just wall banging.

It is not acceptable though. Its awful but there is seldom nothing that can be done. Its a learnt behaviour. Your children's development can't suffer for his needs sadly.

As I explained, we’ve already been assessed, DS’ needs meet the criteria for respite, but (3 years later) there is still none available. It’s the same for most parents at DS’ school who live in our LA. So yes, it really is that hard in many parts of the UK, and I can assure you that plenty of children are not even getting their legal entitlements in the EHCP, much less any parental support.

Tell me you know nothing about low functioning without saying so explicitly!

She will know ..and probably be at the end of her tether 😢
If I were you I’d let her know and see what the resolution could be .
Maybe he can have melatonin to help him sleep ?
Or he can move bedroom?
This will be difficult as autistic people mostly don’t deal well with any change at all .
It could potentially be possible if she can replicate his room layout exactly in another bedroom.
You and your children can’t repeatedly have your sleep disturbed

Exactly @Bluebell865 - nice bit of casual ableism, “it’s learnt behaviour”. (Newsflash: it isn’t).

Speak to her, but work with her. You probably don’t even have the slightest idea what it’s like to be a parent of such a child.

Yes she did say hers was rented also which is why she can’t add soundproofing

Speak to her about it and see if that resolves the matter. If not, contact your Community Safety Team at the local council i dealt with this type of problem quite often when I was managing a team in my local area. They and other agencies can reach out to see what support is needed and why he's doing this.

You clearly have very little understanding of a severely autistic child who is non verbal with limited to no understanding if you think it's a learnt behaviour.