I’m absolutely devastated about our school placement

[Itsallaboutme2021]

Is anyone else devastated about their school placement today? I can’t stop crying and don’t want to tell anyone, I’m not excited and this is my only child. I feel robbed of this experience. I’m gutted.

We got our 3rd choice, ( it was mainly my husband choice) the school is soulless.
Here are my list of pros and cons.

Cons- no green area on site ( they use a local public park)
It’s religious…. I’m not.
The library was pitch black when we visited and looks like it hadn’t been used in months.
The classrooms looked messy and chaotic.
I didn’t pay much attention to anything else as I knew it was not the school I wanted for our child.

Pros-
It does some nice charity work.
It’s above the national average for maths, English & writing.
Its probably the only multicultural school in the area.
It’s walking distance.

I could really do with some positive comments please. My husband is desperately looking at ways to help me see this isn’t such a bad school.

Can you go round and see it again? If it's above average in results they must be doing something right. How was behaviour of kids? Is it nearby to your house?

Check where you are on waiting lists. There is a lot of movement right up to the start dates so you may still get into choice 1 and 2. How many places were there for school 1 and 2?

Just read walking distance - that's a massive pro. Nice local friends and no hellish school parking for you.

Your list of cons describes my DS’s school - except I’m not sure they have a library. But he loves it. The teachers are wonderful. There’s a fantastic sense of community. He has made lovely friends and grown so much in confidence. Walking distance is a huge bonus too.

I went to a primary school with no green space on site (it was a private one as well!) and we used a local park. We loved that park, and I have fond memories of it. My own child went to a primary with an abundance of green space, but realistically, it was the hard-surfaced courts that were used more because the green spaces are too muddy for about 8 months of the year! So the green space thing means nothing.

The messy classrooms also mean nothing. Good teachers get great results in mud huts, let alone perfect shiny classrooms.

The charity work counts for a lot, as does the diversity. And the fact that it's walking distance is invaluable. Imagine the nightmare of trying to park outside a s hook further away, or trying to get there in the snow, or when your car had broken down!

I predict that you will grow to love this school.

We actually got our last choice for DS, and I remember how upset we were. We contacted the school and asked to visit again, and we got a much better impression the second time around. In the end, it was a great school for DS.

So, ask to visit again, and put your name on waiting lists if you're still not happy. Good luck.

We got our first choice, but if we hadn't I would have appealed, gone on waiting lists and then if that failed delayed his start (he's summer born) and moved house in the meantime to ensure we were super close for the catchment. I guess it depends how much you want your other choice school/don't want the alternatives.

Yeah they are not really cons

• they have access to the park
• most reading is done in class (our school dutches the library and moved all books into the classrooms which is more accessible
• messy means kids are actually doing somehotng and not made to look all fake on open night

Multicultural and walking distance are huge pros

I’d absolutely visit again, walk there and look for the positives in the school. You haven’t been robbed of anything, you won’t be attending and your child won’t no any different.

Robbed of what experience exactly? It’s not really about you having ‘experiences’ is it? It’s about your child getting an education,

Well I think from the pros that you’ve listed, it actually sounds really good.

And I also think that you can’t really tell what it’s like until your DC goes there. My DC wasn’t able to attend our first choice primary school but in hindsight I do believe the one she went to was a better fit for her than first choice would have been. She is now at a secondary that I really, really wanted her to go to and actually I’m not that impressed with it.

My classroom is messy. If you visited me toward the end of a day when we’d been doing science or finishing a d&t project you could be forgiven for thinking a bomb had gone off.

I also have a class of happy relaxed children who pitch in with the big tidy up at the end of the day.

My sister got her 3rd choice 3 years ago. They now know that their first choice school isn't as great as they first thought and all the negatives about the 3rd choice school (religious) didn't matter as much as they thought. My nephew is doing really well there, the walk to school is lovely, past some fields with donkeys in. Plus he knows lots of local children too.

What’s wrong with using the local park for sports? Plenty of (expensive private prep) schools in London do this.

OP I'm sorry you didn't get your first choice but it sounds like the school is walking distance and has good results so it doesn't seem like a bad outcome

Your list of cons looks ridiculous to me. I know gut feelings are important, but you’ve closed you mind very quickly and made assumptions about your child’s likely experience.

I would also baulk at the religious aspect, but you say it’s multicultural so it can’t be that kind of religious school.

There is usually lots of movement between when places are offered and the child starting school. I have been where you are and I was gutted too, but before term started we got offered our first place. Good luck, it may still happen.

What makes your say it was soulless?
It doesn’t sound like you have it a chance or really bothered to find out anything about it.
Go and visit it again. Pay attention to the people, their relationships, the children - how do they seem?
You can put yourself on the waiting lists and see what happens but you’ve got to pull yourself together and make sure all
your negativity and crying doesn’t rub off on your child.

They’re doing something right to get above national average outcomes. I agree with others, visit again and focus on the pros. Walking distance is a godsend.

Have you not seen OP’s username 🤣🤣

I genuinely can't see anything that you've listed that would cause you to worry so much. You've listed so many positives.

It's in walking distance.
It is multicultural.
Children achieve well there.
It's part of the community.
They have access to a large green space.
It has a library.
They don't worry about it looking like a show classroom so children can learn and explore without constraints.

I think you're massively catastrophising to be honest.

My daughter got into her first choice school 4 years ago.
It was hell.
The teachers were stuck up.
The parents were stuck up.
The children were horrible brats with “my child would never” parents.
My daughter was getting stomped on a held to the ground by these “angelic” children and the teachers were trying to tell me to tell my 6 year-old to get up after the beating and “ignore it” and the bullies would “get bored and move on”.

I changed schools, wasn’t even on my list of schools to consider.
The parents are “rough” and turn up in pyjamas but my god my daughter is thriving.
The teachers are amazing.
The kids are so welcoming and friendly, so much diversity in the school.
My daughter is in Year 3 now and has been moved on to the Year 6 reading books because she’s excelling in that area (was always told at her old school she wasn’t good in English).

Give this school a chance, but you can always move your child if he isn’t thriving.
It was the best decision I made for my daughter.

I work in education and would say that having higher than national attainment outcomes and being multi cultural are both indicative of a good school. What is the latest Ofsted report like? Presumably it is a good or outstanding school?

The other consideration for me would be behaviour.

Ultimately, what you do at home matters the most.

The pros sound great. Walking distance is a massive bonus, your child will have friends right on their doorstep which is invaluable when they start playing out and walking to school on their own. That might feel like a long way off, but it flys by

It also sounds like you're in London, so chances are it will be a great school

It sounds like a good option. Walking distance, multicultural & good results. The classrooms being messy show that parents were allowed to view the school “as it is” rather than a super clean & tidy pre-prepared version. I like that, it seems to show there’s nothing to hide.

The “library” at DDs primary school was actually a few book shelves in a corridor but that didn’t stop them from focusing on reading & DD leaving there a total bookworm.

Walking distance in massive, both for the days when your car won’t start or the bus doesn’t turn up etc and for the likelihood of DS living fairly close to friends. DS won’t feel as though he’s missed out on anything, as this school will still be “his school”.

I understand your disappointment as you’ve had your heart set on one thing & have now been given another but I honestly think you could come to see this as a blessing in disguise in time.