I’m absolutely devastated about our school placement

[Itsallaboutme2021]

Is anyone else devastated about their school placement today? I can’t stop crying and don’t want to tell anyone, I’m not excited and this is my only child. I feel robbed of this experience. I’m gutted.

We got our 3rd choice, ( it was mainly my husband choice) the school is soulless.
Here are my list of pros and cons.

Cons- no green area on site ( they use a local public park)
It’s religious…. I’m not.
The library was pitch black when we visited and looks like it hadn’t been used in months.
The classrooms looked messy and chaotic.
I didn’t pay much attention to anything else as I knew it was not the school I wanted for our child.

Pros-
It does some nice charity work.
It’s above the national average for maths, English & writing.
Its probably the only multicultural school in the area.
It’s walking distance.

I could really do with some positive comments please. My husband is desperately looking at ways to help me see this isn’t such a bad school.

@Itsallaboutme2021
It’s religious…. I’m not.

There is no reason why would this would cause an issue.

The library was pitch black when we visited and looks like it hadn’t been used in months.

Most school children don't go near the library.

Hell, I was even ridiculed on here when I mentioned studying at the library at university; using a library is a completely foreign concept to many people.

I didn’t pay much attention to anything else as I knew it was not the school I wanted for our child.

It's up to school children to motivate themselves to study and to make the most of their education. It ultimately makes no difference, because children who try hard will do well, and children who don't try won't do well.

We do live in a time when any child with access to a typical desktop computer and internet connection can learn just about anything. That would have been a god send in my day.

A religious school would be a hard no for me. I would look into every other option including moving.

You don't know what school life will be like there, it might be brilliant. Faith schools are often great at the pastoral side of things and creating a culture of kindness. The school gets good results in key subjects. Some of us love been amongst greenery but others really don't care, especially as children, and anyway they have the park to run around in which will most likely be bigger than a school field. Being walkable will make everyone's life easier and increase the possibilities for DC making local friends. Give i a chance - at least you won't be disappointed!

The pros far outweigh the cons IMO. A school doesn’t have to be a show place to be good. My grandson’s school looks a bit rubbish, a bit dishevelled and in disrepair - but he absolutely loves it, his fellow pupils, his teachers, everything. He literally runs into school every morning!

OP as others have said, there’s alot to be said for a school that is walking distance. Parking on a school run can be a disaster zone so if you have the option to walk, that will be great. It will also allow you to get to know more people locally and your child will live near their friends which is ideal for play dates and birthday parties etc.

The school without green open spaces where I live IS the private school!

IMO the scruffy schools are where the magic happens. I’m suspicious of immaculate spaces.

The pros for the school you guys got sound wonderful. I know it's hard when you don't get your first choice - we were allocated the 4th choice for my DC2's primary school, and I was upset at first - however for DC2, it turned out to be the perfect school for her.

She thoroughly enjoyed her time there, the teachers were amazing. It wasn't as swish (facility-wise) as the primary school that DC1 was in (my 1st choice for DC2, though we'd moved between the times DC1 and DC2 started primary and were slightly out of catchment, despite the sibling link), but it was right for her. Sure, it was a PITA for the first year as DC1 was in Yr 6 and DC2 was in Yr R (but different primary schools!) but things evened out once DC1 started secondary. A place came up a year or so later in the first choice primary school (she was on the waiting list), but I didn't move her as she was so settled and the school was a great fit for her.

I talked to people I knew about the school, and reframed my mindset, which really helped. There was a "new starter" day thing in the summer before DC2 started and I got a good feel for the place then, and started thinking that perhaps it wouldn't be so bad. When DC2 started, she was really well supported. The teachers/staff there saw her through school from when she was a tiny little Yr R pupil (who had only just turned 4 about a week before she started school) to the end of Yr 6. I have a lovely photo of her, with her Yr R teacher and her Yr 6 teacher, on her last day of Yr 6.

She's in secondary school now (a wonderful CofE school, just a 15min walk away from our place), but today we had a fab day out with one of her best mates from primary (someone she's known since Yr R).

First world problems. Won’t matter too much either way.

yabu. Calm down and get a grip.

people’s children are dying in Gaza or Africa. It could be worse.

best of luck.

For what it's worth OP the thing that will most likely make or break their feelings on the school- their classmates and friends- isn't something you'll be able to see yet. The difference in good and outstanding schools is largely on paper I think.

Op being close to school is a Huge pro! Especially as they get older and want to do play dates with friends and meet at the park after school etc., walk home with friends when in year 5 and 6 etc

The school doing work for charity is great.

The classrooms being messy and chaotic is also a sign that they are having fun there

When my eldest started, my children's school had an awful library and there were no music facilities, so the parents group decided to work on both, both with fundraising and physical work.
The library was painted white so now bright, lighting improved thanks to local electrical and companies, there was new books and colourful cushions etc bought and new nooks for reading and it's lovely.
A former storage room was cleared out and shelving went in. Gradually basic musical instruments were gathered and a tradition of music was started.

If the atmosphere is nice, kids happy, don't worry about green space and dark libraries, you can help improve those things.

You really don’t know how your dc will feel there. It is mostly dependent on the rest of the children in his year there.
Fingers crossed he’ll be happy there. If not just keep him on the list for the school you’d prefer.

Personally, the things you listed as pros - above average attainment, multi cultural and walking distance - would make me put this school as my no 1 choice not number 3, but I understand your priorities may be different hence the disappointment.

"devastated" FFS. Get a grip.

There's an awful lot about you in your post and absolutely nothing about your child. Are you choosing a school for you or for them?

Majority of appeals fail, you can try and get an education advocate to help you appeal, it may increase your chances. You could also delay starting and wait on waiting list of summer born, homeschool whilst on waiting list or fight hard with the appeal process. At the end of the day, the best school may end up being a nightmare and the school that u didn't think would be good can be a blessing. All uk schools are horrific in their own way. Not having a green space is bad but I'm assuming they have a playground at least? Perhaps ask them to turn the lights on in the library if that's a concern.

Your list of pros would outweigh the cons for me.

We ended up sending our children to the school within walking distance. The facilities aren't quite as nice as those at other schools, but the community here is amazing. We've made so many local friends, and I really value that our school runs are so relaxed. No sitting in traffic or on public transport; just a lovely stroll and often a chat with other families in the area. It's also amazing if you have a busy morning or are sick as there's usually someone who can walk your kids to school or walk them home if you're caught up.

Being ahead of the national average is also a great thing, as is charity work and multiculturalism. I understand the hesitancy about religion, but as long as they're not fundamental about it, then it's not necessarily a bad thing. I went to a Catholic primary school and a lot of the religion classes were about the values of the religion, not just the stories about Jesus etc. You are the biggest influence on your child, so as long as you talk to them about what they hear in religion and explain your beliefs, then it's unlikely to be a big drawback.

As a PP said, messy and chaotic may mean they're more concerned with giving the kids in the class a good experience than looking perfect for visitors. I like the suggestion to visit again.

I would give the school a chance. If it doesn't end up being right for your DC, then you can explore other avenues.

We sent out DC to a nearby beautiful village primary that was very sought after. It was awful. Super competitive materialistic gym bunny Mum's rolling up in their Range Rovers and (seriously) taking their girls to New York for the weekend to go shopping.
No one valued education in the slightest. We took them out and sent them to a big scruffy happy school instead and they just thrived.
Give it a chance OP.

Op it sounds like you are feeling more positive now.

One thing that stood out to me is that schools have limited budgets and it sounds like this school uses its budget on its staff more than the surroundings. That to me is fantastic.

Also bear in mind that all schools have negatives. There is no such thing as a perfect school. Im sure that the school you listed as 1 and 2 also had negatives.

My DC didn't even get third choice, nor 4th or 5th, we got one that wasn't even on our list,

We were devastated as the school was crap.

We stayed on waiting lists, but trued to make it work, as there was no movement, ever.

The school went into special measures whilst DC was there, became an academy, and - six years later - still requires improvement.

DC managed to pass their 11+ however, and is now at an outstanding grammar school. So even a less than ideal school can work, if the child has potential. DC was not tutored before tutoring is used as a reason they passed, they were bright enough (luckily as they didn't learn much at primary, dye to the attention being given to the trouble makers),

I know you're feeling a bit flat but try to be excited for your child starting school. As others have said school green spaces are often muddy and unusable, messy classrooms are busy and creative, religious schools often have a better ethos and behaviour.

Also, walking to school is better for children than driving. It's healthier (whatever the weather), they arrive alert and ready to learn, they can gradually learn more independence and it's a great opportunity to chat and laugh and meet up with friends on the way.

Try not to worry too much if your child is keen to learn they will do ok.
Mine did at a so called bad school in the area but are now doing very well due to their hard work and teachers encouragement.
I'd like to think me and DH also helped.
There's so much pressure to attend the so called best school it gets a bit barmy and even worse when Uni comes around.

I’m a teacher and I moved my dd after half a term from an outstanding school because as soon as she started I could tell that it was awful. Regimented and like a cooperate machine.

I didn’t want my DD to be in an environment where the teacher was worrying about the font size on her maths board rather than being with and teaching the children.

I was going to say the same thing. I think the cons could be pros!