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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m absolutely devastated about our school placement

156 replies

Itsallaboutme2021 · 16/04/2025 20:57

Is anyone else devastated about their school placement today? I can’t stop crying and don’t want to tell anyone, I’m not excited and this is my only child. I feel robbed of this experience. I’m gutted.

We got our 3rd choice, ( it was mainly my husband choice) the school is soulless.
Here are my list of pros and cons.

Cons- no green area on site ( they use a local public park)
It’s religious…. I’m not.
The library was pitch black when we visited and looks like it hadn’t been used in months.
The classrooms looked messy and chaotic.
I didn’t pay much attention to anything else as I knew it was not the school I wanted for our child.

Pros-
It does some nice charity work.
It’s above the national average for maths, English & writing.
Its probably the only multicultural school in the area.
It’s walking distance.

I could really do with some positive comments please. My husband is desperately looking at ways to help me see this isn’t such a bad school.

OP posts:
Stripeyanddotty · 16/04/2025 21:24

Devastated? Can’t stop crying? Robbed of this experience?
Such hyperbole.

Echobelly · 16/04/2025 21:26

None of those things sound bad to me... TBH the important thing is how your child feels and that you don't let them feel your disappointment. As others have said, walking distance is great, means friends close by etc.

YANBU to feel a bit put out and let down about not getting first choice, but YABU to be 'devastated' because it sounds like your DC has landed on their feet here, not in somewhere that could adversely affect their life.

Pigsears · 16/04/2025 21:26

As everyone says, there will be movement. But until there is, embrace the school when talking to others who are going there. Go to any settling in / meet the teachers thing. Get excited for your child. You may warm to it, your child might love it- or it might be the disaster you are expecting. But, it's what you have right now, so you have to give it a chance.

Sunshineandoranges · 16/04/2025 21:29

My granddaughter was in your child’s position last year..she loves her new school and is thriving

NoSoupForU · 16/04/2025 21:29

You're focusing on the wrong things. Style not substance.

It matters not what it looks like. It is above average for English and Maths, does charity work which instills good values, is multicultural which means an enriched experience for your child and is in walking distance.

What on earth are you crying over?

LlynTegid · 16/04/2025 21:31

Visit again. Your positives sound good to me.

Chungai · 16/04/2025 21:32

We didn't get any of our choices. The school has an ethos very different from what I wanted for my children. But our DC is happy, making nice friends, and doing well at their school - and that's all so important.

Trallers · 16/04/2025 21:32

My friend who is a reception teacher has a bit of a messy classroom. The classroom across looks much more impressively tidy and presentable, but that's achieved by the kids having loads of screen time on the carpet and far fewer opportunities to get stuck into crafts and activities. She doesn't want that for her kids so makes a big effort to make sure they do and make loads, and that shows in the classroom. If it's anything like that I'd take it as a positive.

lessglittermoremud · 16/04/2025 21:36

It doesn’t sound too bad but you may get your other choices on second round allocation. My eldest was allocated our third choice, by the time he was due to start school he had been offered a place in both our 1st and second choice, but we decided to stick with the one we had been given as we had had another visit spoken to his actual teacher etc and felt that it was actually going to be a pretty good fit.

DisforDarkChocolate · 16/04/2025 21:37

My youngest went to a primary school with only a yard, they used the local park all the time. It was fine, no problem at all.

Walking to school makes life so much easier and so much easier to see friends out of school. That is a massive plus.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 16/04/2025 21:40

Sorry you’re upset op- I think you need to visit it again.
The nearest two schools to us, one has huge grounds, looks like a stately private school- my child goes to the other, wedged in a run down area, but it is outstanding, the teaching is superb, their sen provision is great, they pay for speech therapists to visit and help children (for which my youngest has speech issues). Look past the superficial it may just surprise you.

NoBodyIdRatherBe · 16/04/2025 21:41

My kids ended up as what was described to me as a ‘very catholic’ school. Due to my parents being lapsed catholics and their horror stories I was worried my children would be given a homophobic, small minded eduction. Couldn’t have been more wrong. They were friendly, open minded, relaxed and wonderful people. My children had the best time there.

Tulippilut · 16/04/2025 21:45

Obviously I don’t know this school and I’m not an expert . But , I am a teacher ( well, was ) and did supply for a while and I went into a LOT of schools and every school i went into that was a religious school - CofE / Catholic - was a lovey school . They topped other schools by far . The best school I ever went in ( did a long term placement ) was a Catholic school , in what I would class as a deprived area , multicultural and had no green space . But it had such a lovely community feel , the head knew all the children, there was a massive focus on wellbeing .

The absolute worst school I ever worked in - an “outstanding” school, that had a waiting list and had so many bells and whistles - swimming pool , lots of sports areas , huge library , computer suites , music studio etc .

TheFormidableMrsC · 16/04/2025 21:47

I was gutted at my son getting my third choice. It was a school on a difficult estate that had only just been dragged out of special measures. Also old buildings and just looked careworn. I appealed and lost. I can’t tell you how glad I am now. My son (who is AuDHD) had the best education there. He was so happy. It was so nurturing and he was so well supported. I was so glad that the appeal failed and I think I was just panic stricken as he had settled so well at the nursery and I couldn’t see beyond that at the time. It was also within walking distance. My son is in year 10 now but still talks regularly about how happy he was there and will pop in and visit sometimes. I actually work there now! So give it a chance. If it’s really terrible you can do an in year application but just give it a chance.

Original poster
Itsallaboutme2021 · 16/04/2025 21:50

Hazel665 · 16/04/2025 21:06

I went to a primary school with no green space on site (it was a private one as well!) and we used a local park. We loved that park, and I have fond memories of it. My own child went to a primary with an abundance of green space, but realistically, it was the hard-surfaced courts that were used more because the green spaces are too muddy for about 8 months of the year! So the green space thing means nothing.

The messy classrooms also mean nothing. Good teachers get great results in mud huts, let alone perfect shiny classrooms.

The charity work counts for a lot, as does the diversity. And the fact that it's walking distance is invaluable. Imagine the nightmare of trying to park outside a s hook further away, or trying to get there in the snow, or when your car had broken down!

I predict that you will grow to love this school.

Thank you. X

OP posts:
suburberphobe · 16/04/2025 21:51

^Pros-
It does some nice charity work.
It’s above the national average for maths, English & writing.
Its probably the only multicultural school in the area.
It’s walking distance.^

Sounds fantastic in my world!

Solo mum. working for an NGO, biracial and very intelligent son. And within walking distance...

Couldn't get much better than that.

Sometimes OP, the universe has other plans than we do.

I hope you will come to terms with the decision.

PorridgeEater · 16/04/2025 21:52

Your pros outweigh the cons. I always think people are lucky if they can walk to school (I used to have a long bus journey). Being above national average in English and maths is good, also other factors. You have no need to be devastated.

Original poster
Itsallaboutme2021 · 16/04/2025 21:57

PopThatBench · 16/04/2025 21:20

My daughter got into her first choice school 4 years ago.
It was hell.
The teachers were stuck up.
The parents were stuck up.
The children were horrible brats with “my child would never” parents.
My daughter was getting stomped on a held to the ground by these “angelic” children and the teachers were trying to tell me to tell my 6 year-old to get up after the beating and “ignore it” and the bullies would “get bored and move on”.

I changed schools, wasn’t even on my list of schools to consider.
The parents are “rough” and turn up in pyjamas but my god my daughter is thriving.
The teachers are amazing.
The kids are so welcoming and friendly, so much diversity in the school.
My daughter is in Year 3 now and has been moved on to the Year 6 reading books because she’s excelling in that area (was always told at her old school she wasn’t good in English).

Give this school a chance, but you can always move your child if he isn’t thriving.
It was the best decision I made for my daughter.

This sounds great advice. Thank you x

OP posts:
Bubbletrain · 16/04/2025 21:58

We got into our first choice primary school and it turned out to be a bit of a shambles! I didn't realise how poor it was until we moved house and we moved our children to a new school. I never would have picked the new school out as being anything special, and it turned out to be amazing! My children started to thrive immediately. My eldest DS is now in a grammer school and my DD will hopefully be joining him in September. Looks and reputations can be deceiving!

InternetUser · 16/04/2025 21:58

My DC got into our 4th choice primary school. I tried to appeal the decision but I didn’t really have any grounds. In the end we were really pleased they went there. Obviously I can’t know what would have happened had they got into a different school but I think sometimes things happen for a reason.

Original poster
Itsallaboutme2021 · 16/04/2025 22:00

Echobelly · 16/04/2025 21:26

None of those things sound bad to me... TBH the important thing is how your child feels and that you don't let them feel your disappointment. As others have said, walking distance is great, means friends close by etc.

YANBU to feel a bit put out and let down about not getting first choice, but YABU to be 'devastated' because it sounds like your DC has landed on their feet here, not in somewhere that could adversely affect their life.

Yeah I might be overreacting I can 100% see that. I’m taking all the positive advice on board x

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsallaboutme2021 · 16/04/2025 22:02

NoSoupForU · 16/04/2025 21:29

You're focusing on the wrong things. Style not substance.

It matters not what it looks like. It is above average for English and Maths, does charity work which instills good values, is multicultural which means an enriched experience for your child and is in walking distance.

What on earth are you crying over?

So true…… I’m taking note. Thank you x

OP posts:
NoisyLemonDog · 16/04/2025 22:04

Walking distance is a huge plus and will save you and your DC so much time and stress over the years.

suburberphobe · 16/04/2025 22:04

Good teachers get great results in mud huts

Yep. He's a pharmacist now working for Doctors of the World charity.

CrispieCake · 16/04/2025 22:04

Tbh I would not send my primary age child to a school with no green space. They should be active and running about as much as possible at this age and I'm not sure visiting a local park once a day would cut it for me. I'd go on the waiting list for other options personally, unless the school is very good at making the most of whatever outdoor tarmacked space they have. One of the important things for choosing a school for my DC for me was knowing that my child would have almost an hour a day of access to space to run, climb and be active.