Would you judge someone for choosing to have a c section?

[ProudOtter]

I’m just curious as to why you would judge someone for choosing to have an elective c section?

For background I’ve decided I’d like to ask for a c section for baby number 2. Some people have made comments about me being insane, or that I’m missing out of giving birth “properly”

I am curious as to why some people have this view.

My first born was semi elective c section, was rushed into an induction due to minor fetal distress and escalated a bit so had to choice to attempt vaginal birth or go for a C-section and I chose the c section. Positive experience and no regrets.

But it's different for different women. I don't know why some women find c-section easy or difficult or why some women find vaginal birth easy or difficult. In some ways I am lucky I have had 5 because I know what does and doesn't work for me. Unfortunately you don't always get a choice so I had a c-section for my last baby knowing it was going to be awful. I know that induction doesn't work for me as my body seems to resist Labour when I am tied to the bed with monitors and drips. I do much better on my own in a warm bath which is unfortunately not practical when baby is in distress and needs monitoring.

I know some people who have had great experiences with induction and c-section, and yes I do sometimes feel a little envious of that but I don't feel envious of people having c-sections. I was one of the lucky ones with my vaginal births as I was only in Labour for less than 5 hours with my longest one and no stitches with any of them. I was one of the unlucky ones with induction (4 hours of Labour pains but not actual labour and then emergency c-section) and c-section but that's the way it goes sometimes. I also preferred my emergency c-section over my elective one from a practical point of view which I don't think I share with many people. I've also seen one lady post on Facebook about the positives of having a baby in the neonatal unit but I didn't agree with any of those things.

It's nice when women can choose the best option for them and I'm always happy for women who get to choose. I do worry sometimes when I hear of women choosing c-section because they think they will feel more in control or less pain because that wasn't my experience with a c-section at all. I would never say anything unless they asked for my opinion though.

But there's no such thing as "a vb" or "a CS" as with most things, it varies enormously due to factors mostly out of the woman's control. You can't really compare them because no two are the same. my two CS left me with an overhang but my friend will never be able to run again and had to change jobs due to the damage done during her VB. Others will have complications from CS, poor recovery, pain etc.

Very true, and this is why the NICE guidance is that the risks and benefits of both attempted VB and ELCS need to be discussed with the woman, so she can decide which set of risks are more acceptable to her.

See my friend had the hospital trying to bully her into having a CS due to a breech baby. And tried to insist that she had no choice.

She wasn't having any of it . She ended up with a natural birth on a 9lb boy and only 2 stitches

I myself had doctors trying to get me to agree to a CS during DD1 s birth. Maybe as I was very young they thought they could bully me into it. I refused

I definitely wasn’t bullied into it. A natural breech birth sounds very complicated and painful. Not for me

There have been some really unpleasant and personal comments on this thread about women’s bodies. Unnecessarily personal, snarky and gross.

Can we all stop pretending that pregnancy doesn’t do a number on most women, at least temporarily?

I’ve had one DD and am about to have a DS. I had a vaginal birth previously and am planning to have one again. Despite the fact that I haven’t had a c section, my tummy will not remain “in tact”. I’ve carried two babies. I have some stretch marks. I might even have some looser skin after this one, I guess I’ll have to wait and see!

Luckily, (and to the surprise of some of you) I’m not walking around pissing myself either. I don’t and have never had piles. My pelvic floor is working just grand and there is no noticeable difference to the tightness of my vagina. After I give birth I won’t be having sex within 3 weeks, I’ll probably still be bleeding then, but I think DH and I will survive considering I’ll be breastfeeding a newborn and looking after a toddler.

For some reason, various posters on here would have you believe that a vaginal birth means double incontinence, piles, and a gaping hole where your vagina used to be. Some women sadly do suffer lasting birth injuries, but vaginal birth is not the only culprit of that and it’s in pretty bad taste to weaponise the struggles of some women against others. Many women develop issues as a result of pregnancy alone, no matter how they birth the child. Many factors can impact pelvic floor function and method of birth is just one, others are: age, pregnancy and weight etc.

When hospitals oppose maternal request c-sections it does start to head in that direction. I remember a few years ago when they looked into how well hospitals were following the NICE guidelines about choosing caesarean. The hospitals who refused to offer them often also stated that a previous c-section wasn’t enough of a medical reason alone to have an ELCS.

But it was the choice for my friend to have a vaginal birth. You were allowed to choose CS without fuss, why should someone not be able to choose the same without pressure to do the other way

Yeah I don’t have to answer anything nor will I when the argument is so aggressive, accusatory or personal (pretty sure I’ve said this before but here we are again).

I am entitled to my views and that doesn’t make them wrong just because you don’t agree. I’ve considered everything and stand by what I have said and won’t be goaded into a losing argument.

Think what you like. I don’t care nor will it change my mind. I respect you can feel the way the you do. You don’t feel the same abiut me and shin that fine but I won’t be goaded into this argument. Let it go. That’s all I have to say.

I never based it on that argument.

Nor will I entertain your vitriol.

And on the other hand, I’ve only had c sections and I do piss myself when I sneeze, and I’ve got fucking horrendous piles.

Pregnancy left me with those issues.

Because everyone is different and thinks differently to others. Fair play to your friend doing a natural breech birth, that’s up to her.
Me personally it wasn’t.

Oh that's awful. Christ any way you get the baby out is a proper birth.

And that's fair enough. The point being you didn't get hassle for making that choice. She got hassle for making hers. Should work the same way

As in within your friendship circle? @Sofiewoo

The point is everyone is different, almost like women are ‘gasp’ actual individual human beings. A concept medicine hasn’t quite grasped yet..

There is no right answer about what is better or harder or worse, you’ll find varying answers amongst different women. The important thing is that we can actually make informed decisions about our own bodies.

Regardless of how you give birth - vaginally, elected C-section, emergency C-section, with an epidural, gas and air, hospital birth, home birth, no drugs - it’s all really irrelevant - it doesn’t make you a better parent than someone else’s birth. It’s the same as using formula instead of breast feeding, you’re not a better parent for choosing one over the other.

100%. Whatever way the baby is born they will be loved and cared for. Whether it’s a natural birth or c section it doesn’t really
matter. I wish women would stop making judgements on other women for doing what they think is best and making choices on their own bodies and what’s best for the baby. At the end of the day it isn’t really anyone’s business apart from the woman who is giving birth. I’ve had no one make any comments apart from one friend insisting that I need to have my mum at my birth. I politely told her that I wasn’t and she said I needed to and I just said I don’t know if I would want my mum to see me like that.

I read on MN a few years ago a woman saying that she considered childbirth for women equal to war for men, and men didn’t have the option of the easy way out. I was astounded.

Any woman who’s ever recovered from a c section with tell you there’s nothing easy about it

When anyone trots out the line about how childbirth is the most natural thing in the world… I always remember that nature is not a kind mistress. For most of history, women were a lot more likely to die in childbirth than they are now.

I stand by MY opinion (and I am entitled to it), that in normal circumstances, where there is no medical need for a c-section, then yes I am judgemental of women who choose not to give birth naturally.

Of course you can have your opinion. Stand by it and be proud if you so wish.

The rest of us will send our thoughts and sympathies. We are collectively concerned for those of you who have such opinions but we can’t all possibly approach life with kindness.

I had a second elective c section, no medical need physically, every need mentally. Please do your worst @TotallyAddictedToCoffee I’d be interested in your thoughts.