Would you judge someone for choosing to have a c section?

[ProudOtter]

I’m just curious as to why you would judge someone for choosing to have an elective c section?

For background I’ve decided I’d like to ask for a c section for baby number 2. Some people have made comments about me being insane, or that I’m missing out of giving birth “properly”

I am curious as to why some people have this view.

My first born was semi elective c section, was rushed into an induction due to minor fetal distress and escalated a bit so had to choice to attempt vaginal birth or go for a C-section and I chose the c section. Positive experience and no regrets.

Our maternity hospital policy is skin to skin asap. DD2 was latched on and feeding before we even left theatre with my elective section. She continued to feed and snooze skin to skin while I was in recovery, Even with my emergency, DD1 was skin to skin about a minute after delivery once they’d checked her as she’d been very unhappy during labour (hence the EMCS) and remained so.

Of course it’s not always possible, some babies are being born by C section because they are unwell or mother is unwell, and those babies may need taken away to NICU or Mum is unfit to hold them immediately. But for a maternal request section and a healthy baby, I would expect skin to skin immediately, just as a vaginal birth. Not good if a hospital is failing women in this way.

I don’t and wouldn’t judge someone, as I opted for an elective with my 2nd child. But people definitely do! I got a lot of “oh are you really?” Accompanied by a head tilt and disappointed expression.

I just replied with “yes, double incontinence doesn’t sound like much fun” and that usually put an end to it! (I tore very badly first time round and drs were surprised I wasn’t already in some way incontinent). But it’s ridiculous how judgemental some people are. And how some women would honestly risk their own lives and the life of their baby by pushing for a vaginal birth at all costs.

2 c section kiddos here. One has the same allergy to penicillin as Me. And hay-fever like his dad.
There are a million things that c sections 'may' cause. Obesity, allergies, breathing problems' asthma... children born vaginally also can have all of these things.
Neither of my children are obese, neither have multplie allergies (except the two most common that lots of people have) neither have asthma.

I was judged. And still am! Someone said the other day oh you must be too posh to push!
My first was breach and therefore had no choice - Hospital recommendation and said they would not happily deliver.
Second was less than 18 months later and I had researched that the section scar could tear, uterus could erupt and both me and baby could die. Surgeon then told me it was a 0.01% chance but he had seen it happen! So no chance was I going to risk that.

People judge because they think they are better. I personally cannot be bothered to waste my time judging other people's choices.

Good luck with your section. I hope it will be as calm and relaxing as mine was :)

So to answer the question honestly yes I probably would judge for those who just want it as they don't fancy pushing.

Easy for me to say I had 2 natural births no pain relief and recovered pretty quickly on both occasions. Yes painful but nothing to panic about so I don't think it's a big deal. However both my SILs would tell you very different stories and needed emergency sections. Of course their choices were correct for them and their babies.

I judge people who just don't fancy it and think it's easier/keeps them calm/helps them plan better. It is major abdominal surgery and if there is another option be it a bit more painful (although I reckon CS is probably more pain) then of course it should be taken. It is less risk for the mother and goes without saying costs a lot less.

'Maternal Choice'??? WTF is that term a new thing? Surely the choice a woman should think about is getting pregnant in the first place if they don't fancy the way babies come into the world. That should be their maternal choice.

I don’t want to start an argument I’m just extremely curious why other woman care so much about other woman judging what they should to do with their vagina.

It seems to me that woman, other mothers who should be backing each other up but instead tear each other apart - care a considerable amount how another woman brings her child into the world.

Not many woman choose c sections because they “don’t fancy pushing” most reasons are more complex like that, for me it was anxiety due to previous pregnancy losses and I had a fear of my son being unwell during natural labour because his heart rate was all over the shot.
“don’t fancy pushing” could be an extreme fear of birth and yes, not wanting to push because of the pain.

In my opinion an elective c section has its risk of course, but so does vaginal and there is a chance of an emergency c section or things going wrong during vaginal. It’s unfair for people to make out like vag birth is risk free.

To force a woman into a vaginal birth and take away “maternal choice” seems barbaric in my opinion. I always was told to follow my instincts and my mind and body and choice when pregnant and I have no regrets.

I am glad you had 2 positive natural births and “nothing to panic about” that others feel.

Adding to my comment, a lot of woman seem to think that you’re a better mother for going through the most pain or ask for no pain relief.

I fully appreciate going through labour and having no pain relief might be a proud moment to some, but putting others down or having the mindset that if mums choose to avoid vaginal birth or ask for pain relief that they are any less is ridiculous.

Ew, how unsavoury of you.

Not only is she bashing c section mums or maternal choice, she’s also bashing woman who had vaginal births as she can’t see all the panic and “big deal”

And didn't have the wherewithal to actually look up any research on cost difference either! It never ceases to amaze me the number of posters who show themselves up trotting out the NHS costs line, when they could actually look it up in the time it took them to type the sentence.

Yes and the amount of people commenting that vaginal birth is less risk or acting as if it’s no risk as well, people need to look at research and realise elective c sections go to plan more than vaginal births do.

Yeah, I mean, while it seems insane to me to fixate on how you gave birth, because no one but you gives a shit, I do get that we all have our own feelings in life.

I had 3 electives but how I actually got those babies out of my body means jack shit to me. I get no pride over birth, it’s what you do with that child for the rest of your life that counts. When I was pregnant with my first; I found it so odd that it was all about birth and feeding - such a small timeframe in the grand scheme of things. There was little consideration to what came after that.

I’ve had friends whose first words after having a child have been “I did it all myself with just gas and air!” I mean, good on them, of that’s an achievement for them, and they are happy about it, but it’s just not something I personally get. I wouldn’t have had my wisdom tooth out with no pain relief and then told everyone about it gleefully like I was some sort of hero - To me, it’s the same thing. Why be in pain if you can stop it? But like I said, we are all different and what’s of no concern to me might mean the world to someone else.

I went to a baby group once where the first thing one women I met in every conversation was that her baby had been born at home - “this is Hugo, he was born at home!”, “when I had Hugo at home…” etc etc. I get that she felt a lot of pride for that but no one gave two shits.

I often wonder if the still does that 23 years on.

I particularly think second time around we have a stronger sense of how we want to give birth and more confidence to advocate for ourselves. My DC1 was a vaginal birth, no regrets, it was magical but full on. My DC2 was technically a maternal request section although the reality was I was given a choice between induction or section due to baby’s size and I chose section. Again, zero regrets, I knew instinctively what I wanted and I’m glad I chose that path. Both recoveries were tough but both recoveries were ones I had chosen and I felt at peace with my decision.

Unless you are the person giving birth (in whatever form that comes in) you have no right to judge a woman’s choice. There is no “easy” way to have a baby, but feeling at peace with your birth choices is worth its weight in gold.

Literally agree with you so much.

My (ex) friend gave birth unmedicated and went on, and on, and on about it. It was the first thing she mentioned over text - before even telling me her babies name. I felt a lot of emotions and was of course proud of her and happy. But when I went onto have my c section a month after, she told me I was missing out, it’s a shame I didn’t feel anything during birth, that feeling the pain during labour empowers you as a woman. She basically was saying, because she felt more pain than me - she was proud of that.

It doesn't help that sometimes the research doesn't separate outcomes for ELCS and EMCS either. Obviously, in this particular case we're talking about people who didn't do any, so they're not affected. But look into the actual studies and they don't necessarily separate the groups out.

I understand why research constraints might mean that happens, but it does blur the picture somewhat because people don't always realise that some of what they're looking at is actually a risk of attempted VB. Because that's what EMCS is.

Same as me.. loved it…
and the faces of other people! 😎

You sound so bright. I imagine you blow the minds of those around you.

😂

@NoKnit lost me with the first sentence...

'I probably would judge for those who just want it as they don't fancy pushing.'

Women choose c-sections because they don't fancy pushing? Are you taking the piss @NoKnit ? 😂 You are seriously suggesting women choose major abdominal surgery because they DON'T FANCY PUSHING? Fucking hell! 😆

And then to go on and say 'I had 2 natural births no pain relief and recovered pretty quickly on both occasions!'

Yes, yes, you ARE on the wind up. Don't say you're not!

The topic definitely inspires some of the more, erm, vivid intellects of MN to wade in!

OK, so how about when a patient is given both options and chooses a vaginal birth, resulting in oxygen deprivation/shoulder dystocia/prolapses/incontinence etc. Results unlikely to have occurred in a planned CS. Should they then be responsible for the costs of treating those results?

My experience with C- sections was long ago but I did have skin to skin contact in theatre and my babies were helped to latch while I was in the recovery room. I was amazed and pleasantly surprised at the care I received. It does seem sad that this isn’t normal practice for your health trust. I hope that you do manage to raise the issue and perhaps encourage some positive change. Sometimes it takes just one person asking the question to get people thinking 😊

Why on earth would you judge someone for that? It doesn't affect you in any way. If the doctor/hospital agrees to carry out an elective caesarian section, it isn't anyone else's business.

Of course not, I had one myself but during that pregnancy I did remove a girl I had on Facebook a self proclaimed “crunchy mum” because a couple of hours after me saying I had a date for my elective section she started sharing how c section wasn’t birth and all this home birth/ free birth waffle. She was someone I barely knew but I couldn’t help feel it was aimed at me.

She had no idea about my circumstances, I’d had a previous energy c section due to a pregnancy complication which had come back with my 3rd, she also was breech, and I had blood pressure averaging 160/100 for the last 20 weeks and was very high risk for preeclampsia, but because she’d had one straight forward birth she thought she knew it all 🙄

Dont listen to anyone that tells you anything other than that you’re a rockstar, c sections are not for the weak! 🌟

You’ll judge someone for being afraid 🤔

Anyone who judges a woman for how they choose to give birth needs to take a long hard look in the mirror. I’ve given birth to 3 children vaginally, and trust me, you’re missing nothing.

Good to see that you have your priorities right. I assume that you wouldn't have refused an emergency caesarian on those grounds?

I realise that this thread is about elective caesarians but vaginal births can cause some horrible birth injuries (e.g. 4th degree tears which require surgical intervention and can lead to double incontinence).

Why not just let pregnant women make their own choices without judgement?