No show for bday celebration

[Testingmypatience1]

I need to know if I am being unreasonable.

I was 40 last weekend. I had a drinks party followed by a relaxed sit down meal ( bowl foods) and invited 35/40 friends. Everyone turned up (and it was a great night) but one person.
This one person has been a friend of mine for 15 years or so.

She didn’t message me to say she wasn’t coming on the night, she just didn’t turn up. I haven’t heard from her since either. I am pretty gutted. And hurt.

Fast forward to this Easter weekend, she has her own party, an annual thing she hosts.

She still hasn’t contacted me, so I got in contact with her to check she was okay, and to say I was upset that she didn’t come for my birthday. She basically gave a half arsed apology saying she was too busy and had so much going on. A non apology really.

I don’t know whether to go on Saturday or am I being petty?

Her reply has made me feel worse somehow. Like her life is far too important to fit me in… and I am reevaluating the friendship now. wwyd?

In some cultures they do not celebrate 40th birthday, this brings bad luck.
I know this because I recently congratulated a Russian friend with his birthday, he turned 40. He reminded me that 40th birthday should not be celebrated.

I am English not Russian! And here we celebrate big birthdays, with some enthusiasm if we care enough for the person that is.

No good wishes or birthday card, no apology, either in advance of or after the party. That is pretty rude and unkind, in my opinion.

I think I could just about deal with it if it was just a one-off. But you suggest that she is self-centred and has form for this sort of insensitive behaviour.

If you like parties (I do), then you may still wish to go. But just take a bottle of plonk and, in future, treat her in the same dismissive way that she has treated you.

Could she have forgotten? I once missed the birthday celebration of a much loved friend of mine, also her 40th. I don’t even know how i could possibly have forgotten it, but that’s genuinely what happened. My friend texted me later and I was absolutely mortified, I owned up to it but it felt so rude. Maybe your friend forgot too and she knows it’s very bad, and lied about it, and now the whole dinámica are messed up?

Saying you are too busy is not a lie I would have chosen if I had forgotten to attend. I don’t think I would have added a dismissive tone either to further cause offence. I think I would have apologised in full and tried to make it up to said friend.

Had I even received a full apology that would have been more than enough, life happens. But I didn’t, she compounded the injury by appearing to care very little and continued to talk about herself as if I didn’t matter.

Has she messaged you about you not going to her party? I wonder if you’ll ever hear from here again or this will just drift now

I haven’t heard from her, and I am relieved and hope it stays that way! We have had a great weekend with no drama or stress whatsoever.

Sounds like she always wants to be the centre of attraction and clearly wouldn't be at your birthday celebration. You should decide whether or not you value her friendship enough to continue seeing her.