Can I choose how my bridemaids have their hair?

[walliceandme]

Genuine question, getting married and want my bridemaids to all have the same hair - all of their hair is long so it'll be easy but one has a thick fringe and would it be rude if I asked her to have a hairstyle that clips it back? I want them all to have their hair like this but unsure how it'll work with a full fringe? AIBU?

As a ballet mum I think that pinning a fringe back will look silly. Dancers usually have to slick it back completely using a lot of gel.

It’s very odd to want them all to have identical hair, and rude as hell to ask for her fringe to be pinned back. If they all want to wear their hair up, show this pic as inspiration, and allow the stylist to come up with some nice styles. But hair down with a decent blowout should also be an option.

I felt quite relieved as a bridesmaid when the bride said she'd like everyone to have a basic up do and got someone to do it for us.

I'm not great with hair and it meant I didn't have to worry about it.

You can frame it as 'if you are happy, I think this would look good, but you don't have to have anything you are not comfortable with and much more important to have you there' etc.

Absolutely not!!
Don't be 'that' bride..

Whatever hairstyle the girl wants! Honestly you sound unhinged. Controlling to this extent would see me choosing to be a guest over one of your bridesmaids..

The thick fringe will be part of the hairstyle whether it is pinned back or not. Sounds as if it's not a suitable style for this woman's hair in which case why not ask the hairdresser to choose another one which is complimentary but not identical?

Not the same but I had a cousin who I was a bridesmaid for ask me to dye my hair for her wedding to match the other bridesmaids (my hair had been dyed a dark cherry red colour for years at that point), she said it was that or not be a bridesmaid, so I chose not to be a bridesmaid 🙃 you can ask, but I’d not insist on it if she doesn’t want to.

No it’s not rude to ask, It would be rude to demand, which is not what she is doing

Lots of brides want a cohesive look on the day of their wedding eg similar / same bridesmaids dresses, same bouquets, etc etc etc

If the bride is paying for the hairdresser she has a right to ask this, some may have issues for certain reasons but she can ask

If you’re paying for a hairdresser, let them decide

Never understood wear the same dress thing let alone the same hair

Lol

Why can’t they have their hair the way THEY feel comfortable with. Lots of girls hate their hair up.

I was bemused as a bridesmaid when the bride's mother told me weeks before the wedding not to have my hair cut again before the big day, so that my hair would be a similar length to the other bridesmaid's. It would also have been looking quite scraggy by then without a trim. I smiled nicely and had it trimmed anyway.
I think the key is to ask the bridesmaids their opinion and what they would like at the same time as suggesting things that you'd like; hopefully unless it is something they'd hate, they will go along with it.

Have a trial with a hairdresser and decide then. If you are dictating their hair you would need to be paying for it.

Bridezilla alert.

So why not let them carry that individuality into their hair?

I don't think it's fine to say exactly how you want the hair to sit at the front. That's very personal and depends on face shape. Plus a bit of variation will look better than identical.

That said, there's room for the stylist asking 'how would you like your fringe styled?' and seeing if she'd be open to sweeping it aside a bit or anything. I think clipped up sounds harsh though.

It's not a catwalk, they are your friends supporting you on a big day. It's time to take a break from micro managing the event and just enjoy thinking about the future after the wedding for a while. Getting this involved in things the wedding industry wants to generate income from is only increasing the chances of you being disappointed in some aspect of the day.

What a weird thing to request.

I think it’s weird and I’d never ask that of my friends, but I am assuming you are paying for it, so you could ask if they would be okay with having a similar up do.

If you are not paying for it, then you are massively unreasonable.

They are not lemmings…they are actual people…YABU!

If you’re paying for their hair and make up, you can dictate the style it’s in.

But, your friend with the fringe has one because that’s how they feel most comfortable with their hair. Do they pin it back usually? I would say your pictures will be the most beautiful if all of your bridesmaids feel comfortable and confident with their outfit, hair and make up.

Do you want your bridesmaids to feel comfortable and enjoy your day? Or would you prefer they look specifically how you want them to.

Let them have how they want it!

I think it would be rude to tell somebody to pin their fringe back. It is too controlling.

I can't believe you even asked her to be a bridesmaid with that fringe!!!