Can I choose how my bridemaids have their hair?

[walliceandme]

Genuine question, getting married and want my bridemaids to all have the same hair - all of their hair is long so it'll be easy but one has a thick fringe and would it be rude if I asked her to have a hairstyle that clips it back? I want them all to have their hair like this but unsure how it'll work with a full fringe? AIBU?

If you are paying I’d say it’s fine you could buy a clip so they all match

Why are you getting married in Italy? Are you paying for thier flights and hotel?

There really, really is quite a lot wrong with someone dictating how everyone has their hair done, to the level of having to disguise a fringe to look the same as the other clones bridemaids.

All this ‘it’s your day’ is such a cliche, it’s enabling Bridezilla behaviour.

Ultimately it’s one day, a party.

Come on now.
There's no need to pick apart this person's whole wedding.

She's asked a question, and I suspect, got the message 12 pages ago or more, that overwhelmingly people think this is an unreasonable request.

I think we can leave it there.

@walliceandme I hope this thread has been helpful, and that you have a lovely day when your wedding comes round.

I think it's pertinent to ask though. A destination wedding is an almighty pain for most people to attend, I'd hope that Op is paying for their flights and hotel.

If not then the suggestion to clip back a fringe may send the bridesmaid over the edge!

You are being unreasonable in wanting cloned bridesmaids. Show the hairdresser what mood you're aiming for and a good one will create variations to harmonise. It'll look much nicer and it won't make the fringe wearer miserable.

They're presumably your friends, not your barbie dolls, you are being completely unreasonable.

On my wedding day, I was so excited I just told my bridesmaids to ask for whatever made them feel comfortable. I didn’t give a shit about them looking the same.

No one will care.

Why on earth do you need to say what there hair should be like??

I think your bridesmaids are more than able to judge how they should wear their hair and be comfy. You are becoming a bride zila.

Agree with the majority, you can ask, but some may have scars or acne they’d rather hide.

Have you asked them what they would like to do with their hair? you asked them to be bridesmaids presumably because you care about them as people and want them to play a key role in your big day. I don’t think that gives you the right to dictate how they have their hair, unless they like that style anyway.

You can ask the question and as long as you are paying for their hair to be done it’s not too ridiculous. You can’t make your friend lose her fringe though - that’s a step too far

Pin back a fringe?! OFFS.

My bridesmaid, wore the dresses, shoes. Jewellery, hair style and hair slide I chose. My wedding. I paid. Told them them could get changed once the photographer had gone at 8.30

Wow.

How did they react to that? Are they still on good terms with you?

They were all fine. They all agreed to do it. I’ve also been a bridesmaid 7 times and always had the bride make the decisions on dresses, hair shoes etc I thought it was normal for the bride to chose this stuff

Wow what? I’ve also been a bridesmaid 7 times and this is always been the way? It’s normal

YABU OP. It’s stepping into controlling territory. I might agree with you if one of them wants a punk mohican, but given that’s unlikely and they just want a nice hair doo, you should allow them to choose what suits them.

If I was at a formal do, like a wedding, and I saw someone with their fringe obviously pinned back (and if it's a thick fringe it will be obvious, however you try to do it), I would think "Oh, how embarrassing! The poor girl forgot to take the clips out when she'd done her makeup."

OP, in years to come you will practically have forgotten the wedding. Don't upset a friend over such a trivial issue.

Only normal in your limited circle.

Not normal in my world.
I've been to more weddings than I can remember and never seen bridesmaids that have been made to change their 'look' or style to look identikit to the other bridesmaids. They are friends who have been asked to support you, not props in some sort of display.

It's not just my opinion, we are on P15 now, and virtually every post has told the bride she is being ridiculous.

I think I’ve been to 40 plus weddings it’s always been the same. Brides have themes, colours charts, a look they want to get across. The bride of paying is in charge of the look she wants for her wedding. We’re in my post did I say they all looked the same? I chose the look I wanted and made sure is suited each bridesmaid and they were comfy and once the formal bit was over they could do what they liked out of 8 bridesmaids 6 stayed the way the were. The other 2 were teenagers