Can I choose how my bridemaids have their hair?

[walliceandme]

Genuine question, getting married and want my bridemaids to all have the same hair - all of their hair is long so it'll be easy but one has a thick fringe and would it be rude if I asked her to have a hairstyle that clips it back? I want them all to have their hair like this but unsure how it'll work with a full fringe? AIBU?

It's fine for you to choose the hairstyle, as long as you pay for it.

As for the fringe, no I wouldn't be asking someone to pin it back. Firstly because it looks shit and always ends up poking back out. Second because a lot of people have a full fringe because they don't like their forehead etc, why would you want to make her uncomfortable?

Aside from all else, I think a thick fringe can look very odd pinned back - speaking as an ex thick-fringe haver here. I think the hairstyle would look better with the fringe, surely?

I think it would be rude and very samey. Are they all having the same style of dress as well, it’s all a bit clone like I think. I’d just want them to be comfortable, I’ve known a couple of bridesmaids recently who’ve felt very uncomfortable in a dress they had no say over, obviously they didn’t say anything but they felt quite self conscious .

If you pay for them to have their hair done it's fine to have an idea of what style however it would be stupid to say they would clip their fringe back. Fringes don't really work like that, it wouldn't necessarily blend in with the hairstyle and some people have them to balance their face shape or hide behind even!

It’s not rude to ask them to wear their hair in a certain style (and I mean ask, not tell).
It would be very rude to ask your BM to clip her fringe back. And clipped back hair would look far sillier with that style than a fringe would.

Nobody is going to be paying any attention to the BMs. I think you’re on the verge of tipping over from ‘reasonable person who wants everything to look lovely’ territory, into ‘the napkins have to match the bridesmaids knickers or the whole wedding will be ruined’ territory.

Your wedding will not be affected in any way by a fringe!
Is this for real?

If you've a hairdresser on site to do that then I don't see why not, but you shouldn't make people pin back their fringes or straighten their hair unless they want to. I guess not everyone will look the same even with the same style.

It's very dependent on what the person's hair looks like normally and how they are comfortable styling it to look their best.

You couldn't ask someone to do their own hair that way as many people wouldn't be able to. I'm awful at hair but would happily accept a stylist doing it like that. Because it would suit my hair length and type.

No they are all having different dresses, some floral, some plain pastel. So there will be individuality. Just not sure what hairstyle would suit a very thick fringe

Why would anyone fringe not work with that? This is a very silly detail to even think about

Same style totally reasonable (as long as it’s doable on all their hair types). Clipping back a fringe is too much of an ask and going into bridezilla territory.

I wouldn't pin my fringe back on so eone else's say so to be honest. Same way I wouldn't dictate anyone else's hair at my wedding

An accessory will do if you want matching my advice. Chill out and enjoy the day

They’ll look very silly all with identical hairstyles. Mix it up slightly

As long as you are paying it will be fine but can’t the fringe stay?!?

Also serious question… will it matter in 5 years? If not let them choose their own hairstyle that suits them ( and still pay for it)

Is it just lucky they all have long hair or were they actually chosen because of it?
If someone very close to you who you wanted as a bridesmaid had short hair, @walliceandme , what would you do then?
Make them wear a wig?

Just not sure what hairstyle would suit a very thick fringe

Umm...
The one she normally has?

That's why you have a hairdresser.
It's their job to suggest and create styles suited to face shapes etc

Is it the only request you’ve made or have you determined the dress, makeup, shoes? Have you also made them organise an elaborate or expensive hen do?

if it’s really the only request you’ve made then it’s not unreasonable but if you have already made lots of demands then I would say you shouldn’t mention it.

It’s fine to ask them to have a hairstyle, provided you pay for the hairdresser if it’s a style that needs one. But you should work with their normal hair, it’s not ok to ask them to cut or colour or do anything else permanent. I don’t see an issue with a hair clip or something, but be aware that your friend may feel very self conscious without her fringe if she’s had one for a long time and never wears it pinned back. Please don’t make your friends feel uncomfortable for the sake of some perfect insta picture.

Controlling.

Why do you want to dictate their hairstyles?

Honestly, no one is going to form a different opinion of your wedding day based on the bridesmaid's hair.

You realise other than photos they are not going to be by your side all day in a line for people to be constantly observing and comparing them?

If you said I’d have to pin my fringe back to be your bridesmaid, I wouldn’t be your bridesmaid.

I feel uncomfortable and horrible without my fringe, I will die with this fringe still fringing.

I can’t imagine spending a whole day in front of tons of people, having to be social and having photos taken with my slap head on display shining up at the ISS.

just no.

Sooooo, I must be the only one who thinks this but I personally wouldn’t be annoyed at this request from the bride so long as she’s paying.

If you are getting a hairstylist in they’ll know what they’re doing and can work on each hair type to create a similar look.

Why don’t you message in the bridesmaid group asking the girls what they think of this hairstyle and ask if everyone would mind having their hair off their face and pulled back into the up do.

The hairstyle they have already got almost certainly suits the fringe.

Oh no don’t dictate hair styles. And a clipped back fringe would look a bit mad! Can you imagine Claudia Winkleman with a clipped back fringe 🤣

You sound very bridezilla with this. Where on earth did you get this idea from?

I wouldn’t mind it the back twist thing was directed by the bride and I was a bridesmaid, but is pinning back a thick fringe even possible, without it looking rubbish?