Can I choose how my bridemaids have their hair?

[walliceandme]

Genuine question, getting married and want my bridemaids to all have the same hair - all of their hair is long so it'll be easy but one has a thick fringe and would it be rude if I asked her to have a hairstyle that clips it back? I want them all to have their hair like this but unsure how it'll work with a full fringe? AIBU?

That will look fine. Don’t mention her fringe. I have always had one and look ridiculous without. It’s her choice. Enjoy your wedding.

Your wedding their hair. I think telling someone what to do with their own hair is overstepping it a bit. My daughter was a bridesmaid and when they had a trial run with the hairdresser she wanted her to have her waist length hair cut because it was too long and thick for the up do the bride wanted. Absolutely no way.

It's not buying people. Or forcing them A lot of brides pay for their bridesmaids hair and I think if the brides paying and she's not wanting to do something permanent it's reasonable to ask would everyone mind having the same style if thats what she wants. The Qn was is she BU to ask them to have the same, not would she BU to kick them out the wedding party if they don't agree.

I don't think its much different to buying the bridesmaid dresses and picking the colour and style. Most brides do that too and that isn't treating them like barbies.

Who said anything about kicking anyone out? You made that up, it's not been part of any of this conversation to date.

Yes she is BU to tell other people what to do with their hair, paying or not. "Most brides" do not behave like that, I didn't and plenty of other people on this thread didn't either. "Most" of us want our friends to feel comfortable and happy and wouldn't dream of imposing anything on them for the sake of our photos. Gross.

Did you read my post i said she's NOT suggesting that.

With regards to this hairstyle she isn't "telling" people, she isn't "imposing" she's "asking". Asking means they could say no.

You say brides don't impose anything but did your bridesmaids also pick their own dresses or/and shoes and colours or did you "impose" a colour scheme and dress style?

In my experience when I've been a bridesmaid the dress has been picked for me, in a colour the bride chose with a shoe style she picked. This didn't feel gross or too much concern with the photos and if she'd said would you all mind a low tie back hair style/and up do/a braid and she was paying i wouldn't feel it was imposed on me and I'd feel comfy saying no if that's how I felt.

So I think its fine.

And if you disagree i also think that's fine

I know it's fine to disagree!

My bridesmaids chose their own dresses - I paid.

They chose their own hairstyles and make up - I paid.

They're not a chorus line.

You beat me to it.

This is another level of bridezilla-ness.

OP. You’re having a day to marry the person you love, and to celebrate that surrounded by friends and family. That’s all that matters in the end. Congratulations and enjoy your day.

It’s all they’ll be talking about I think.

The number of weddings I’ve been to that were ruined, RUINED I tell you, by a rogue fringe

Bridezilla’s, like you, can ask for what they want. In the same way people can bitch about you behind your back if they want.

Let them look like themselves, not like you want them to

I chose bridesmaids with identical hair 😂🤭.
I gave them hair accessories to wear as they chose though. I think you could ask they have the same style but maybe think how a fringe could be put back easily or to the sides. Also don't try to make them all be the same. (Mine were both the same height with similar colouring and only slightly different in size... It was not done in purpose though!)

Yes, very rude and very unreasonable. A woman’s hair is her crown and your bridesmaid will feel awful all day if you make her change it

I wouldnt clip my fringe back, I also wouldn’t have my hair up. These are styles I never ever wear because they don’t suit me and I’d find it rude that if you asked me to wear my hair in a way that int suit me and I didn’t like.
I told my bridesmaids they could do whatever they wanted with their hair, shoes, accessories. The only thing I had any say in and that we picked out together was the dresses.

Just not sure what hairstyle would suit a very thick fringe

The owner of the very thick fringe' presumably likes the hairstyle they already have?!

Fine, the fringe request is a bit excessive, however you could ask her and the hairstylist, presumably you will have a hair trial anyway?

If she doesn’t feel comfortable with her fringe clipped back it would be absolutely unreasonable to insist.

First of all just ignore all the people who are calling you a bridezilla, or saying you’re rude. There’s nothing wrong with you asking all the bridesmaids to have their hair the same. I wouldn’t ask the fringe to be clipped back though.
At the end of the day it’s Your wedding and if you know all the bridesmaids well enough to ask them to be there on the day I’m sure they’ll be happy to have their hair done the same. Also it’s how you approach it, my daughter sent her bridesmaids a photo and said “I’m thinking of this for your hair, is it ok with you?”
Hope it all works out well for you and just enjoy your day

How about 'doing with' and not 'doing to' your bridesmaids. Actually talk with them and ask their views. They need to be comfortable and happy on the day. It's not ok to tell people how to wear their hair. Relax and have a lovely wedding ☺️

Rude, rude, rude and unnecessary.

Also trying to figure out how you would enjoy your day more as a result of a friend wearing her hair in a way that she isn't comfortable with...

The only photo I can see from OP is the back of someone's head. So a fringe is a non-issue.

I remember being asked to pin back my hair for a wedding. I was very uncomfortable ans never wear my hair like this as I have a long face. The requests of this particular bridezilla were endless and we were expected to pay for it all so i opted out and attended as a guest. The husband even made reference to the bridesmaids being good sports and supporting his now wife despite her controlling and aggressive attitude. She was determined in my opinion to make her bridesmaids look average at best so she would look better in comparison. Needless to say, We are no longer friends.

Bridezilla alert

as a stylist I have done many wedding hair ups over the years. Yes you can ask for them all to have it up a certain way. BUT you can’t ask them to pin the fringe back! That is a little too far. Also you can only pick the hair style if you’re paying for it. As the stylist does what the client wants. If the bridesmaids paying the stylist will give whatever she asks for.

YABU. Step away from Bridezilla mode.