Can I choose how my bridemaids have their hair?

[walliceandme]

Genuine question, getting married and want my bridemaids to all have the same hair - all of their hair is long so it'll be easy but one has a thick fringe and would it be rude if I asked her to have a hairstyle that clips it back? I want them all to have their hair like this but unsure how it'll work with a full fringe? AIBU?

‘Lovely wedding, but did you see that bridesmaid who had a fringe?’

It’s all anyone will talk about in years to come.

You can suggest you would prefer an up do, give some examples and discuss and offer to pay for the hairdresser. Otherwise let them do their own thing.

I think you'd be unreasonable to ask her to pin it back. I've had a fringe of some sort all my life for a reason and don't feel comfortable without it. I can't ever imagine asking a bridesmaid (presumably close friend or relative) to do something to change themselves for a photo opportunity. I honestly couldn't tell you if my bridesmaid had her hair up or down or what she looked like. It really doesn't matter.

I was once asked to be a bridesmaid and not only did the bride want to dictate hair do, but also make up with shades of eye shadow and lipstick that just did not suit. It was like she was creating props for the photos, not inviting close friends to celebrate with her.

I would refuse to pin my fringe back tbh . I wouldn’t feel comfortable at all

I don’t think you can dictate what they have, you have maybe suggest a certain style but honestly it doesn’t matter, no one cares.

My Bridesmaids all chose their own styles, the only thing I said is I didn’t want it exactly like mine. All of their hair looked lovely.

similar when I’ve been bridesmaid, they all just left me to it. Only once did my ex SIL demand we all had a certain style and it looked shit.

I pinned my fringe back as a bridesmaid to have matching hair. I hate the photos as I look completely different (but the makeup was different too and not me at all!). The hairstyle can surely accommodate a fringe?

Yes I will be paying for it. We are also getting married in Italy, in July, so it'll be very hot so want them to be as comfortable as they can be

Why don’t you let the adult woman with the fringe decide what hairstyle she’ll be most comfortable with? Being that it’s her head?

I'm pretty sure your friend is an adult who has taken her fringe to hot places before

Pinning a fringe back is going too far IMO. Suggesting a hairstyle (or general look) is fine, I think, but I'd still be inclined to let each woman have her hair done in the way she feels most comfortable. And pinning back a thick fringe would likely look rather odd and she would likely feel very self conscious. Surely you've seen plenty of up dos with fringes...it's not unusual by any means!

I have long thick hair and a fringe.
I would say no to anyone asking me to pin it back and it wouldn’t be their business why. I have my own reasons.

Also my hair in that style lying on my neck in Italy in the heat wouldn’t be comfortable at all. I’d want it off my neck.

If you want your guests to be comfortable why not just do that then!

You know you are being unreasonable OP, that’s why you are here asking in the hope everyone agrees with you

They don’t YABVVU

I'm sure your bridesmaid will be well able to choose a hairstyle she will be comfortable with.

Ridiculous to expect several grown women to wear their hair the exact same way.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want them t all have their hair the same - I chose the style for my bridesmaids - but I did have 2 bridesmaids who had full fringes and it didn’t occur to me to ask them to have their fringes clipped back so the front was the same. It might not work doing that, the way it would have to be pinned could look odd

It's a great way to make sure all your bridesmaids look out of sorts/not happy on the day and in the photos.

Have a word with yourself. You're being daft.

Dictate hairstyles, do people really do that? Glad I'm not your bridesmaid.

Dictate hairstyles, do people really do that? Glad I'm not your bridesmaid.

This is one of those things where you will look back in a few years and be SO embarrassed.

So they are paying £££ for a trip to Italy and presumably using up precious holiday leave days to attend your wedding? You've got some kind friends there.

Why do they all have to have the same hair? @walliceandme Are they little kids or grown women? Let them all do what they want with their hair, as they aren't having matching dresses anyway.

Yes it would be rude, weird and controlling. And what the hell is wrong with a fringe? If I was one of your bridesmaids, I'd tell you to forget the whole thing.

Wanting people to be as comfortable as can be is letting them have control over how they want their hair. What if your bridesmaids aren’t comfortable having their hair up especially someone with a fringe.

You may think that having control over all of these little details is vital but it really isn’t. Remember what’s important about the day.

You cannot ask someone to clip back their 'thick' fringe, no. That hairstyle would work with a fringe, wouldn't it?

Why have different dresses but the same hair? That's a bit odd.

Your bridesmaid has a thick fringe because that is how she prefers to have her hair. She would probably feel uncomfortable having it clipped back.

You are not suggesting this for her comfort but for your own.