To be annoyed at work colleagues

[justanotherimperfectmum2025]

My 4yo DD’s nursery are doing a sponsored egg hunt for Claire House. We were given a sponsor form for people to fill in pledges to then give to the nursery on the day of the event. I brought the form into work (I’ve been there since September 2021) to generate some money 2 weeks ago on 31st when I came back so work from maternity, (that’s when we were given the form by Nursery). I sent a message to the whole team (we have a group chat on what’s app) with a pic of it and the date of the event, and the date of when I would collect. This is the message it read:

“Jess’ nursery is doing a sponsored egg hunt for Claire House. I If you can afford to give anything you can please, it would be much appreciated, no pressure! The egg hunt is on the 16th, so I can collect when I’m last in before that date on the 14th. Thanks! I’ve left it on top of the reception desk whenever you have a chance. Thanks.”

I thought it was nice, polite, not demanding and had stated all the facts clearly. I even reminded them the day before I was due to collect

“To all the staff who have kindly put their name down to sponsor Jess in her Nursery’s egg hunt for Claire House, can you please bring the money to work tomorrow as it’s my last shift before the egg hunt on Wednesday. Thank you”

Only 2 people put their names down out of the whole lot. One was my manager which I thought would have added more weight to it.

AIBU to expect slightly more than that and feel annoyed that not that many put their names down after giving them notice? The money isn’t even for me or my DD, it wasn’t even for the nursery, it is for a charity.

Family have helped out too, though, I’m not disregarding or invalidating their contributions and I appreciate times are hard everything is going up and everyone is tightening their belts (ours included), but they had no problem giving money for someone’s retirement , and as much as I’m not taking it as a personal attack, I cannot help but feel like it’s partly popularity contest, if I was more ‘pally’ with some of the more well liked members of staff, or the louder, more extroverted ones, that more people would have put their names down?

The only thing that worries me is that where my place of work and DD nursery is based is in an affluent, ‘posh’ area, so all the children’s parents will all have high end, higher paid jobs, and if they do the same thing I did, they’re all going to come with money into the £50-100’s, and I’ll look like a cheap dick head with only something like £20-30 quid. I’m going to feel awful or judged if I’ve not raised as much as the other parents have.

AIBU to be annoyed/disappointed
or
IABU to have hoped for more?

sorry for the long post!

Please be kind

Thanks

These fucking things all the time. You are just meant to buy all the tickets, do the sponsorship etc yourself. It’s part of the cost of having kids. It’s a good £100/child per year.

You are massively overthinking this. I’m a reception teacher, we did a sponsored walk recently and everyone came in with different amounts. One child raised over £100, several others came in with £2-5 and one little girl brought in 10p. No one knew what anyone else had raised and we as staff certainly didn’t judge anyone or treat anyone differently. Some people have more money than others, some have more time to dedicate to these things. Several parents didn’t return the form or money and that’s fine too, it’s not compulsory. Nobody will care how much money you give.

YABU. You have Precious First Born Syndrome.

Why does the fact that you are contributing yourselves have anything to do with anything? It would be startling if you weren’t. It’s obvious that you will contribute for your own child, but unless you were someone I was very close to at work (ie saw out of work) I wouldn’t give your request a second thought.

This...

I just wouldn't..

This wouldn't be against you... Just that I would have no interest in contributing to yet more collections!...am happy to give to retirements etc

Surely if you think about this reasonably OP you can see that you’re being highly unreasonable. I wouldn’t have donated either and I would be irritated you would expect me to.

We’re in a cost of living crisis. Your child and your fears about your perceived status at your child’s nursery is not my concern and not my priority, financial and otherwise. A little self reflection wouldn’t go astray.

It sets too much of a precedence... "but everyone donated X amount to Little Johnny's fundraiser, why not mine". It can cause issues in the workplace amongst colleagues. Not to mention what people choose to spend their money on is their business.

Retirements are very much a different kettle of fish.

Inappropriate to bring this to work at all.

I would be completely surprised if my colleague brought this in for us all to sign for a child’s nursery event….And then comparing it to putting in to people’s retirement collections when you all work together, and feeling aggrieved that people aren’t donating
why on earth would they ?

Bluntly, she's your DD, no-one else cares about her activities at nursery.

This!!! YABVVU. Also people contribute to many charities so this might not be a priority, and not the same as a retirement

I also think doing this at nursery age is a bit much (feedback for the nursery). Mine does coin donations for various charities and might have an event or dress up day, but the parents are just asked to donate and it's anonymous (put it in the box)

I wouldn’t sponsor a work colleagues child.

A sponsored egg hunt? What? Sponsoring is meant to be for challenges etc… not just to enjoy an Easter egg hunt.

i don’t donate to colleagues fundraisers tbh. I’m not paid enough as it is without indulging them. The parents I know put all the money in for their kid.

I would never have asked work colleagues to sponsor my children. People at work have asked for sponsorship for marathons and half marathons for a charity that is personal to them and colleagues have been happy to sponsor them.

Expecting your colleagues to sponsor a child they don't know doing a pleasant and fun Easter activity was probably a bit optimistic on your part.

So have you sponsored lots of your colleagues' children? Is that what you mean when you say that you are probably judging people by your own standards and thinking that if you are willing to do this, other people would be?

However, if you actually mean that if you were willing to donate to this particular charity chosen by your child's nursery, your colleagues should be too, you are being unreasonable. Of course you would sponsor your own child and you have mentioned feeling embarrassed at the small amount you have raised. It sounds as though you care more about saving face and not 'looking like a cheap dickhead' than helping this particular charity.

As your children get older you’ll be asked to contribute to a new work/school/sports fundraiser on a near weekly basis and you won’t care how much other people raise or how much you raise at all, although your child will if there are prizes at stake! There are so many requests that I only give to ones that directly benefit my children or people I know nowadays, which still adds up to a significant amount.

It reminds me of the Catherine Tate Geordie “fundraiser” 😂

YABVVU and overstepping to even ask this in a workplace

This... and you put "no pressure", and it's school holidays which adds financial pressure to families who may already be struggling.

I imagine most kids will have no more than £20 sponsorship, mostly from immediate family. Apart from one, who'll have £7000 and fund matching from her parents business. Get used to it.

"But they had no problem giving money for someone’s retirement , and as much as I’m not taking it as a personal attack, I cannot help but feel like it’s partly popularity contest"

I am absolutely mortified on your behalf.

This isn’t helping your case OP, makes you look priggish and self righteous. Oh i am such a wonderful person I would have done it so little sweet naive me though everyone would love to help 🤮

probably judging people by my own standards and thinking that if I’m willing to do this, other people would have

I don't think you would be actually. Can you imagine if all colleagues started doing the same as you? You will have 3 requests for fundraising for silly hat day and contributions for nursery graduation cake toss or charity spelling bee, and that every single day. You'll happily contribute for all of them?

Why would you not give to your colleagues retirement? They know them, you work together and care about each other probably. People don’t really care about your kid’s nursery, and it’s not even raising money for your child’s nursery.

So you're basically worried about how you would look in the posh preschool group if you don't come in with lots of cash. And how is this your work collegues problem?
When you think you heard it all: sponsoring children eating chocolate eggs. 🙄