Page 35 | To regret moving DP in to my house

JadeySmiles · 2025-04-15T18:03:01+00:00

After a challenging weekend I am really starting to think I’ve made a big mistake here 😫 Background - I have been with DP for c.1.5 years, brilliant relationship, get along with each others family and similar goals for the future etc. He moved in with me at my suggestion a couple of months ago when the tenancy on his flat was up. I’ve been subtly asking him to contribute to more of the household chores without much uptake and this weekend I was a bit more direct in asking him to do certain things. His response to me asking him to clean the bathroom was to blankly stare at me and say ‘I am male’. We saw friends on Sunday afternoon (another couple) and he said to my friends DH something along the lines of ‘yeah, she asked me to clean the bathroom yesterday. Not our job is it!’ and burst out laughing. He has made what I thought were light hearted comments in the past about me being in the kitchen and that being my natural habit which I laughed off but in light of what he has said, I wonder if he was joking! He has some annoying habit, 2 or 3 times he has made a mess of the toilet and not used the brush, leaving me to clean it up. His response is to laugh and say that I will need to get used to living with a man. Is this really normal?! I feel I’ve potentially ruined our relationship by moving him in too early..

ThisFluentBiscuit · 16/04/2025 23:02

FullOfLemons · 15/04/2025 19:44

No it’s not normal

Not cleaning up his mess in the toilet is disgusting.

We teach our children to do that at an early age. Why is he not fully toilet trained ? How old is he ?

I think you can do better. But, if you want to keep the relationship then you have not ruined it

He will want to stay with you no matter what as he know well that no other woman would tolerate this

Edited

"Why is he not fully toilet-trained"? 😂😂😂

Dolly34 · 16/04/2025 23:02

whathaveiforgotten · 16/04/2025 22:55

Would your partner leave skid marks for you to clean up? Is that why you’re defending this or making out like it’s over dramatic to be disgusted by someone laughing in your face and saying ‘what do you expect’ when you let them know you had to clear up their skid marks for them?

I despair at how low the bar is for some people in relationships, I really do.

It’s not a man bashing thing. It’s a ‘people who leave skid marks for other people to clean up then laugh at them for not being happy about it’ thing.

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it could be a skid mark, it could be being farted in front off, it could be not picking their shoes up, it could be not taking the bins out. What I am saying is that it could be ANYTHING and the women on here would say to dump him, and he’s a pig.

OP if this is a GENUINE dealbreaker for YOU then fine, break it off. But if you can work through it then please don’t listen to the crazies on here. Sounds like most of the women on here have absolutely PERFECT boyfriends / husbands who clearly don’t have any faults whatsoever 🙄

PyongyangKipperbang · 16/04/2025 23:04

Dolly34 · 16/04/2025 22:52

IT IS HIS FIRST RELATIONSHIP!!!!! Doesn’t matter how old he is, he’s NEVER lived with a woman or dated one! OP knew this!

Every relationship, no matter the age, has learning curves - no it’s not OP’s job to teach him, but he will learn as he goes. You fall into a rhythm in relationships, and there is nothing to say that chores or money should be split 50/50 - figure out what works for you and your relationship. And it’s literally no one else’s business.

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If he isnt capable of picking up a bog brush and knowing what to do with it then he has no place in living with anyone, male or female, romantic or platonic. He isnt ready to be in a relationship.

The fact is that given he has been utterly indulged by his mother, he will always see women as Handmaids. Thats all he has been taught. He will not learn. He will simply keep on until he finds someone as indulgent as his mother.

I rather suspect that he was "that" housemate at Uni......

PyongyangKipperbang · 16/04/2025 23:08

Dolly34 · 16/04/2025 23:02

it could be a skid mark, it could be being farted in front off, it could be not picking their shoes up, it could be not taking the bins out. What I am saying is that it could be ANYTHING and the women on here would say to dump him, and he’s a pig.

OP if this is a GENUINE dealbreaker for YOU then fine, break it off. But if you can work through it then please don’t listen to the crazies on here. Sounds like most of the women on here have absolutely PERFECT boyfriends / husbands who clearly don’t have any faults whatsoever 🙄

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Either your bar is so low its a tavern in Hades (iykyk) or you are man.

Either way.....tinkety tonk.

Labragoogle · 16/04/2025 23:08

What’s the hardest I think for you OP is that b’cos this is Your house, you’re already accustomed to running it & doing everything yourself. And I think on some way that’s stopping you from seeing the entitlement & misogyny. You feel responsible for asking him to live with you. And because it’s your territory literally every single decision about where everything is & how things are done has been made by you. He can feign ignorance & make all kinds of excuses or justifications bcos at the end of the day he’s in Your house not His. So I think unconsciously he’s using that & you’re playing into it. How can he start muscling in & changing the way everything is done? He doesn’t want to mess up your system or doesn’t know where you keep x y z kind of BS. And the clincher: he is holding back fully embracing living with you (ie lifting a finger & doing his fair share) b’cos this inn’t his place, he feels like he can’t put his own stamp on it & do the things he would do if it were, or more to the point BOTH of yours. Please don’t fall for it!! You’ll be getting him on the mortgage & accommodating the BS by which point you’ll be to far in. He is the definition of a cocklodger loud & clear.

dentalflosser · 16/04/2025 23:09

1950s household here. DH sulks if asked to do housework and does the minimum very badly so I end up doing it myself.
At one point I was working 7 days a week and asked him to at least do the washing up.
Came home to find crockery still piled up in the kitchen and house was a tip. I just cried as it makes me feel that I’m just the cleaner.
I do half of the cooking, all the cleaning and laundry, organise our child’s activities and school stuff.
DH is a fantastic husband otherwise but I wish he would see how I feel insignificant at times. We both work full time.

MarkingBad · 16/04/2025 23:10

PyongyangKipperbang · 16/04/2025 23:08

Either your bar is so low its a tavern in Hades (iykyk) or you are man.

Either way.....tinkety tonk.

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Is that you Bertie?

I do love a Tinkety Tonk.

I agree, he is way to old to be making a mess he can't clean up, the man lived on his own, he must have stopped believing in the cleaning faries by now, even if his mother did come and spruce the place up once a week.

whathaveiforgotten · 16/04/2025 23:12

Dolly34 · 16/04/2025 23:02

it could be a skid mark, it could be being farted in front off, it could be not picking their shoes up, it could be not taking the bins out. What I am saying is that it could be ANYTHING and the women on here would say to dump him, and he’s a pig.

OP if this is a GENUINE dealbreaker for YOU then fine, break it off. But if you can work through it then please don’t listen to the crazies on here. Sounds like most of the women on here have absolutely PERFECT boyfriends / husbands who clearly don’t have any faults whatsoever 🙄

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Nobody is perfect.

I don’t think that it’s a particularly high standard to want a partner who won’t laugh in your face and ask what you expect, when you tell them you aren’t happy to repeatedly clean up shit they’ve left in the toilet. Because that’s what the bloke in this specific thread has done and you dismissed as not a big deal.

I honestly feel sorry for you that you think that’s asking for much at all, it really isn’t! Perfectly normal, run of the mill men wouldn’t expect their partner to clean their shit up or laugh in their face when told they didn’t want to do so.

There’s a rather large grey area between ‘PERFECT’ and ‘laughs at me for not wanting to clean up his shit’ and it’s perfectly reasonable for people to suggest OP explores that area rather than committing to someone who treats her with contempt.

Which he clearly does as despite being due to have a proper, adult talk with her about this he instead ate the dinner she made for him and went out with his mates. What a catch!

PyongyangKipperbang · 16/04/2025 23:13

dentalflosser · 16/04/2025 23:09

1950s household here. DH sulks if asked to do housework and does the minimum very badly so I end up doing it myself.
At one point I was working 7 days a week and asked him to at least do the washing up.
Came home to find crockery still piled up in the kitchen and house was a tip. I just cried as it makes me feel that I’m just the cleaner.
I do half of the cooking, all the cleaning and laundry, organise our child’s activities and school stuff.
DH is a fantastic husband otherwise but I wish he would see how I feel insignificant at times. We both work full time.

You do literally everything, he does literally nothing.

Why on earth do you describe him as fantastic?

What is he bringing to the table?

Money? Sounds like you earn your own and dont need his (tell me its yours and he doesnt take it all)
Sex? I suspect that you are too knackered to shag
....

Cant think of anything else.

Teenagehorrorbag · 16/04/2025 23:14

Vile! Get rid!

ChappellApple · 16/04/2025 23:17

He would be deafened by the combined sound of my incredulous laughter and the sound of my fanny clanging shut (and zipping itself up just to be sure) after those romantic clangers. It would also go drier than the Sahara desert just looking at him after that...I wouldn't even give him notice of departing the flat, as he would leave feet first. Send him to Mummy, as she is clearly happy to clean for the pathetic boy. You deserve more respect xx

jobling · 16/04/2025 23:19

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

CalicoPusscat · 16/04/2025 23:23

@dentalflosser I once didn't flush the loo, I was dizzy on medication and walked out. I was so embarrassed when I realised and cleaned up immediately.

It's more about his general attitude.

GoodCharl · 16/04/2025 23:27

dentalflosser · 16/04/2025 23:09

1950s household here. DH sulks if asked to do housework and does the minimum very badly so I end up doing it myself.
At one point I was working 7 days a week and asked him to at least do the washing up.
Came home to find crockery still piled up in the kitchen and house was a tip. I just cried as it makes me feel that I’m just the cleaner.
I do half of the cooking, all the cleaning and laundry, organise our child’s activities and school stuff.
DH is a fantastic husband otherwise but I wish he would see how I feel insignificant at times. We both work full time.

Jesus, this is terrible 😢

ArtTheClown · 16/04/2025 23:37

Ofgs he's a late 20's male so barely adult in terms of brain development. Plenty of room for him to develop properly

He's a grown adult and has been for years.
I'm so tired of that badly reported study, seriously.

ArtTheClown · 16/04/2025 23:38

DH is a fantastic husband otherwise

What otherwises are there that make him fantastic?

Merryoldgoat · 16/04/2025 23:39

DH is a fantastic husband otherwise

How? How is someone so clearly awful ‘fantastic’ at all?

eastegg · 16/04/2025 23:45

PyongyangKipperbang · 16/04/2025 23:08

Either your bar is so low its a tavern in Hades (iykyk) or you are man.

Either way.....tinkety tonk.

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Yup, you got it.

Definitely a man btw.

Moveoverdarlin · 16/04/2025 23:47

He doesn’t know how to clean a bathroom?? Don’t fall for this BS. My 7 year old would know how to do it.

My FIL recently lost his wife of 60 years. Their dog shit on the carpet today. He rang me to go and clean it up (they live 125 miles away), he was an intelligent, well respected, professional man. He said ‘you know stuff like this better than me!’ I said ‘What picking up shit? They don’t give you lessons! Get some kitchen towel, pick up the shit, put in bin, clean any stain with warm water and a bit of soap’.

It infuriated me. Why did his wife let him get away with this chauvinistic shit!?

OhcantthInkofaname · 16/04/2025 23:47

dentalflosser · 16/04/2025 23:09

1950s household here. DH sulks if asked to do housework and does the minimum very badly so I end up doing it myself.
At one point I was working 7 days a week and asked him to at least do the washing up.
Came home to find crockery still piled up in the kitchen and house was a tip. I just cried as it makes me feel that I’m just the cleaner.
I do half of the cooking, all the cleaning and laundry, organise our child’s activities and school stuff.
DH is a fantastic husband otherwise but I wish he would see how I feel insignificant at times. We both work full time.

I think you need to understand to him you are insignificant!

AzureLurker · 16/04/2025 23:49

Oh no, just no. I'm sorry you had to go this far to find out who he really is and that the jokes weren't just jokes. Guys like this should come with a warning, no ta get rid. He will never change if he's come this far and not realised he's an ignorant asshole.

GoodCharl · 16/04/2025 23:49

So is he home op? How did the conversation go?

Lotsofsnacks · 16/04/2025 23:50

We all know OP will still be with this guy in a couple of years, he will be on the mortgage, and she’ll be doing all the childcare and cleaning, as that’s what OP partner’s dad did

Friartruckster · 16/04/2025 23:54

@Lotsofsnacks I know. It’s so sad seeing the impending tragedy unfolding.

ThisFluentBiscuit · 17/04/2025 00:03

Friartruckster · 16/04/2025 23:54

@Lotsofsnacks I know. It’s so sad seeing the impending tragedy unfolding.

Yup, especially as OP is in her early thirties and wants babies. I remember being just the same, and married a walking bunch of red flags because of the biological clock.

OP, you don't have to settle for this because of your age, you really don't. Please watch this: