To regret moving DP in to my house

[JadeySmiles]

After a challenging weekend I am really starting to think I’ve made a big mistake here 😫

Background - I have been with DP for c.1.5 years, brilliant relationship, get along with each others family and similar goals for the future etc.

He moved in with me at my suggestion a couple of months ago when the tenancy on his flat was up.

I’ve been subtly asking him to contribute to more of the household chores without much uptake and this weekend I was a bit more direct in asking him to do certain things.

His response to me asking him to clean the bathroom was to blankly stare at me and say ‘I am male’. We saw friends on Sunday afternoon (another couple) and he said to my friends DH something along the lines of ‘yeah, she asked me to clean the bathroom yesterday. Not our job is it!’ and burst out laughing.

He has made what I thought were light hearted comments in the past about me being in the kitchen and that being my natural habit which I laughed off but in light of what he has said, I wonder if he was joking!

He has some annoying habit, 2 or 3 times he has made a mess of the toilet and not used the brush, leaving me to clean it up. His response is to laugh and say that I will need to get used to living with a man.

Is this really normal?! I feel I’ve potentially ruined our relationship by moving him in too early..

A cocklodger is now refusing to clean the toilet? Well, no words....

Sit down and tell him that if he is going to live with you, there is no such thing as a male chore and a female chore and if he is not willing to pitch in and do all tasks including cooking, cleaning etc then he needs to look for a place of his own before this ruins your relationship as you will not be waiting on him.

Yeah...."Well YOU'VE been drinking!!" and the fact that one glass of wine is nothing compared to 6 pints doesnt matter, you have been drinking so anything you say will be disregarded. Tomorrow it will be "Well we had both been drinking".

What does this guy have to do to show you more how much of a selfish lazy "fuck you" pig he is? Take a shit on your pillow?!

Google 'weaponised incompetence'.

Can’t believe you cleaned the toilet up after him 🤢

Doing all the cooking is loads of effort. It takes 30-60 minutes to cook, and 15 minutes tops to wash up afterwards. I’d expect him to be responsible for keeping the whole house clean if I was doing all the cooking.

I think he sounds extremely immature and entitled. It's better you found this out now so you can end the relationship and start a new relationship with an adult male. Please don't have children with this man-child. He's not a keeper.

@JustAnotherManicMomday I think he's beyond help!!

Just checked the scores, Arsenal scored in extra time, so won.

Ok, that was random but thanks for update!

Come on. I put up
with some pretty shitty relationships in the past. I wouldn’t now but shes come here bevause she knows she made a big mistake do not give her grief. I dated someone when I was 28 and while went to work he lay in bed and ate beans out of the tin he was so lazy and disgusting. Obviously I left him but they are not like like in the beginning it’s a slow burn

I was married to a man like this. He never listened and it was a real uphill battle. He'd be all proud of washing the dishes (before we had a dishwasher) but since that's literally all he did, the kitchen would still be a mess. He didn't dry them or put them away, he didn't wipe the kitchen counters, he didn't pick up any food bits from the floor, and he didn't tidy up the surfaces.

And even though we lived in a small two-bed one-bath flat, I'll never forget when we'd been married a few years and his mum had come to stay, and he had to ask me where the towels were kept. He literally didn't know where they were kept, and it still makes me ragey to remember him asking me that. I had to get up and get the towel (from under the bed) instead of him doing it.

He was proud of his "cooking," but since he was far too good for recipes, and ate nothing but beans and pulses, he would boil up lentils and water and call it soup. I would call it inedible slop. He never cooked a proper meal all the years we were married.

He never changed, OP. At the heart of it was his belief that women are inferior, a mindset he could not hide as the years went by. Thank the actual Lord I didn't have kids with him. I'd have done it all.

I wouldn't make a life with someone like this, I really wouldn't. I'm sorry.

Before we were married it was a struggle to even get him to pick the bathmat up after he'd had a shower. I'd walk into the bathroom and it would be soaking wet and kicked into the corner.

There ARE men out there who share the load, you know. There really are.

Funny how OP is totally ignoring the many questions about how bills etc are split isn't it?

I thought you guys were early 20s. 😮

Red flags flying all over. He has you cleaning up his literal shit, doing everything around the house while he goes to watch football and drink, makes misogynist comments to your friend and her husband, and thinks he's the breadwinner because he sometimes does a full food shop

You are in for a very rough time if you keep this one around but you can't say you weren't warned.

I saw this on FB and thought of you OP

Get out before too many years have passed educating this baby. Honestly, mums cleaning 30 year old mans apartment… he’s too old to change his beliefs. I would understand if he’d be rich at least, but he’s living in your apartment, so assume he’s just okay.

Personally, I would break it off and start dating again. Try look for someone more equal to you financially and with modern family views.

I’m not, I’ve said in at least one previous post that all household bills are equally split.

You're dating a huge misogynist who seems to be from the 1950s. I suspect this is the tip of the iceberg.

And the meal planning and grocery shopping. Plus I don't know many main meals that only take 30 mins. Clean-up takes more like 20 mins in my experience, then you have to put the dishes away when dry or unloaded, too. The entire bloody enterprise - cook, eat, clean-up - takes at least two hours for a proper meal and not eating at a crash pace. More like 2.5 really - without the meal planning and shopping!

@Lesleyann25 completely agree, for some stupid reason I put up with a shit relationship when much younger.

I just want people to have better.

I’m afraid I’d have to say that this isn’t working for you living together so he needs to find somewhere else to live asap
he sounds a chauvinistic pig tbh and it would put me off enough that if the relationship ends then so be it

Dp went out to watch the Arsenal match.

Ofgs he's a late 20's male so barely adult in terms of brain development. Plenty of room for him to develop properly

Exactly - I just want people to have better, too. All women should hold out for an equal partner. I felt so bad when OP described her bf as saying he is male so shouldn't have to do it. We all deserve better than to be treated like Cinderella just because we were born with ovaries.

At least Cinderella had a prince who came and rescued her.

Well I’ve at least heard from him now, says he’s having a drink to toast the win and he will be home. I was gearing up for him crashing in at midnight to get an earful from me!

I really do too but it takes some
of us longer due to our past or whatever. She is reaching out she knows this is bad situation give good advice and berate. To be honest I would be embarrassed to say what I put up
with year ago. I
was a
doormat .