To regret moving DP in to my house

[JadeySmiles]

After a challenging weekend I am really starting to think I’ve made a big mistake here 😫

Background - I have been with DP for c.1.5 years, brilliant relationship, get along with each others family and similar goals for the future etc.

He moved in with me at my suggestion a couple of months ago when the tenancy on his flat was up.

I’ve been subtly asking him to contribute to more of the household chores without much uptake and this weekend I was a bit more direct in asking him to do certain things.

His response to me asking him to clean the bathroom was to blankly stare at me and say ‘I am male’. We saw friends on Sunday afternoon (another couple) and he said to my friends DH something along the lines of ‘yeah, she asked me to clean the bathroom yesterday. Not our job is it!’ and burst out laughing.

He has made what I thought were light hearted comments in the past about me being in the kitchen and that being my natural habit which I laughed off but in light of what he has said, I wonder if he was joking!

He has some annoying habit, 2 or 3 times he has made a mess of the toilet and not used the brush, leaving me to clean it up. His response is to laugh and say that I will need to get used to living with a man.

Is this really normal?! I feel I’ve potentially ruined our relationship by moving him in too early..

His response to me asking him to clean the bathroom was to blankly stare at me and say ‘I am male’. We saw friends on Sunday afternoon (another couple) and he said to my friends DH something along the lines of ‘yeah, she asked me to clean the bathroom yesterday. Not our job is it!’ and burst out laughing

Yes it was a mistake, unless you fancy living with a sexist man who thinks that cleaning is beneath His Royal Highness. He views you as a skivvy and probably counts himself lucky that his future housemaid invited him to live with her.

Given that you know it wasn't just macho bluster,because he's told you this directly when you were alone together, I wouldn't be interested to hear any protestations on his part. Hi can show what a big man he is by being independent and finding somewhere else to live.

This will only get worse.....you should ask him to leave.

This.

A man who leaves his shit for you to clean up and his reward after a few months together is he gets to actually own his own home via OP “putting him on the mortgage” seriously OP, you own your own home, and you, after a few months of clearing up his actual shit are handing over your house to him, I despair reading posts like yours I really do, why are you giving half your house away?

He can't just go the pub, he has a prior engagement with you to discuss his contribution to your shared living arrangements. That choice, all by itself, is a dealbreaker.

I definitely won't be cleaning my future kids shit off any toilet. I can't believe she actually does that!
This would have giving me the ick immediately.
Up your standards girl!

Op Get rid he sounds awful if you have kids with a man child how do you think this will pan out. You had made plans for tonight but he bailed because what you are going to discuss isn’t as important to him as it is you. It will only get worse just coz something was said in a jokey way doesn’t mean it was meant that way. The reason I say this as I am only female in our house and it is just expected I will do majority of housework. It’s so fucking frustrating nagging men to do the simplest things especially in the bathroom. I hate it.

He sounds pretty awful, get him out ASAP

He thought you were happy to clean his poo? Yeah right.

There's loads of videos on youtube about cleaning. If he's serious he can watch some of those. Or ask his mum.

Urgh! Throw this one back in the pond. He's a man-child with misogynistic overtones!!

That's him wiping his feet on you, the doormat.

Do you know your place yet?

He wants a bang-maid, not an equal partners.

You can try to see if he has it in him to change by having an honest chat but to be honest, it doesn’t sound like he will change .

But I wouldn’t be having someone so disrespectful of my space and me around.

I'm actually embarrassed for you. I'm on to page 29 on your post and you are still making excuses for this pathetic shitter.
You need to step up and have some self worth

He's gone to the pub? Get some gumption for goodness sake.
He fucks off to the pub leaving you to clear up.

That right there is what he thinks of you.

Can't believe you swallowed all that rubbish about his mum and breadwinner bollocks applying to your relationship.

Don't put him on your mortgage, and get him to sign a rent book. Don't marry him. No wonder his parents will give him money. You do realise as soon as he is legally ensconced he won't lift a finger or even bother to pretend.

Best thing you can do is call a friend, get dressed up, and go and drink some cocktails. Meet someone else.

Don't get any more financially entangled with this man and don't get pregnant. My feeling is that he isn't going to be a keeper.

I am baffled you are still with him

Me too.

@JadeySmiles did he at least wash up before fucking off to the football?

He sounds rude, misogynistic, lazy, and cheap, I cannot think why on earth you would want to have sex with him, let alone have his child or put him on your mortgage.

I do hope you aren't posting on this site in a couple of years saying, 'I want to divorce my DH as he does nothing around the house or with the children and I am exhausted but I stupidly put him on my mortgage and says he will be taking half of everything I own. He's given up work now and says he's refusing to leave!'

Send this one back to mummy.

Hmm. Does he do other stuff that’s considered male jobs? My DH is rubbish at housework BUT he does the supermarket shop, he cooks, he cleans the cars and makes sure they are running properly etc.

What does he do?

And why the fuck are you educating a grown man on how to clean a fucking bathroom? Move him out.

Sorry, he's done what now?

I'd be spending this evening packing his shit and he can find himself somewhere else to sleep tonight.

No fucker ditches plans with me for a football match on telly that they've known about for days if not weeks. Not happening.

Guarantee you, he'll have a variety of excuses when he rolls in:

'Didn't see my messages'

'Wanted to come back but my mates wouldn't let me for insert fantasy reason here'

'I lost track of time'

'We can talk about this tomorrow'

'You're being controlling, am I not allowed to see my mates?'

He can't even stick to a plan to have a chat about sensible grown up shit like how living together works on a practical basis.

How do you think conversations about money, parenting, health... might go? How do you think making difficult decisions with this man might go?

This is just not viable @JadeySmiles!

You must know that

Ok I'm in the US, a female, and a Arsenal fan and I knew about the match. I have a clean toilet.

Sorry OP this one doesn't sound like a keeper but at least hes made it clear where you stand.

I wish I could get a flashforward to 5 years time. 2 kids under her belt (OPs obviously broody / desperate), no marriage (because he holds the cards), he won't change nappies / do night feeds / take kids to soft play because these are all pink jobs, you'll be part time and asking mumsnet what to do because you want to leave but can't afford to - he's entitled to half the house and you can't afford the bills on your own. FFS woman up!

Seriously?
Despite making plans to have a talk, he eats the dinner you cooked & then disappears off to the pub without even helping to clear up.
I would text the following:
Don't bother coming back here tonight. I am locking the door and will not be letting you in.
The contempt and utter disrespect you have shown me tonight has truly opened my eyes. You can come back and collect your things tomorrow after I finish work. You can find somewhere else to live. I will not tolerate this behaviour.

He’s not a keeper, just bin him OP. You’ll save yourself much long term grief