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Original poster

To regret moving DP in to my house

1000 replies

JadeySmiles · 15/04/2025 19:03

After a challenging weekend I am really starting to think I’ve made a big mistake here 😫

Background - I have been with DP for c.1.5 years, brilliant relationship, get along with each others family and similar goals for the future etc.

He moved in with me at my suggestion a couple of months ago when the tenancy on his flat was up.

I’ve been subtly asking him to contribute to more of the household chores without much uptake and this weekend I was a bit more direct in asking him to do certain things.

His response to me asking him to clean the bathroom was to blankly stare at me and say ‘I am male’. We saw friends on Sunday afternoon (another couple) and he said to my friends DH something along the lines of ‘yeah, she asked me to clean the bathroom yesterday. Not our job is it!’ and burst out laughing.

He has made what I thought were light hearted comments in the past about me being in the kitchen and that being my natural habit which I laughed off but in light of what he has said, I wonder if he was joking!

He has some annoying habit, 2 or 3 times he has made a mess of the toilet and not used the brush, leaving me to clean it up. His response is to laugh and say that I will need to get used to living with a man.

Is this really normal?! I feel I’ve potentially ruined our relationship by moving him in too early..

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
toomuchfaff · 16/04/2025 19:26

JadeySmiles · 16/04/2025 19:00

Well, the conversation won’t be tonight as he has had a last minute invite to the pub to watch the Arsenal match. Which came through just as he had polished off dinner 🙄

know your place...

a chat to solve your anxieties around the relationship vs an invite to the pub for the footy.

He's telling you who he is, and your importance and you're not listening.

TheBluntTraybake · 16/04/2025 19:27

JadeySmiles · 16/04/2025 17:01

Just on the Mortgage point he was never going to be added to this until the point was reached where we are compatible living together and I always thought that would take quite a while. Plus he would need to pay in to match my equity. Nothing has changed in that sense.

The plan has always been to try for babies in the next couple of years.

Wait, what?? You're both young enough for children and he talks like something out of a bad 80s sitcom? And he doesn't know how to clean a bathroom? Bullshit. Even if he was that stupid, he has google.

laraitopbanana · 16/04/2025 19:27

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 16/04/2025 19:21

Mate... You watching the footy down the pub tonight.
Him ... Want to but Her Indoors wants to give me a lecture about chores.
Mate... Ha Ha Ha Noooo
Him... tell you what, text after I've had dinner cooked for me and then I can escape.

All my male relatives know EXACTLY when a good match is on and where and who they'll be watching it with. It's never a surprise. "Quite by chance" text.

Edited
Show quote history

Will have to come back real late like that there won’t be no talk tonight and tomorrow…I will be tired. Then it is the week end no? Surely she will understand 😭

Pallisers · 16/04/2025 19:29

JadeySmiles · 16/04/2025 19:00

Well, the conversation won’t be tonight as he has had a last minute invite to the pub to watch the Arsenal match. Which came through just as he had polished off dinner 🙄

either you've jumped the shark or you need to see a therapist.

Original poster
JadeySmiles · 16/04/2025 19:30

I’m really pissed off now - I will text him and say I still expect to have the conversation tonight and how he responds to that (eg coming home after a drink) will tell me a lot!

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 16/04/2025 19:31

JadeySmiles · 16/04/2025 19:30

I’m really pissed off now - I will text him and say I still expect to have the conversation tonight and how he responds to that (eg coming home after a drink) will tell me a lot!

so you want a convo after he's had a pint?

sigh...

scotvic · 16/04/2025 19:32

No no no no no! Do not settle for
this lazy selfish ignorant Mummy’s boy. Do not have babies with him, you will end up an exhausted, angry/ depressed slave, and divorce / single parent ship will follow. Do not share your house ownership with him, do not marry him.

ToWhitToWhoo · 16/04/2025 19:32

1950 just called and asked for him back.

Mrsbloggz · 16/04/2025 19:35

URGGHH, this is him when he's sposed to be on his best behaviour and it's clear that you are right down on the list.
Please OP, you're worth more than this, this is all deliberate & he's laughing at you. Stop letting him call the shots & get rid of him

Ponderingwindow · 16/04/2025 19:36

It shouldn’t matter if a person brings more money to the household. Both partners should do equal amounts of work and have equal amounts of leisure.

please don’t have children with a man who has such antiquated views.

CheeryDenimBalonz · 16/04/2025 19:37

Honestly this sounds extremely undesirable. I have not experienced this but the message seems pretty clear:-(

whathaveiforgotten · 16/04/2025 19:38

JadeySmiles · 16/04/2025 19:30

I’m really pissed off now - I will text him and say I still expect to have the conversation tonight and how he responds to that (eg coming home after a drink) will tell me a lot!

Mate, he literally laughed in your face and asked you what you expected when you told him you didn’t want to clean his literal shit off the toilet when he left it for you to do.

Why on earth are you entertaining a relationship, much less a baby, with a man with such disdain for you?

Why are your standards so low?

IVbumble · 16/04/2025 19:40

This is good OP because his actions are showing you exactly who he is.

He thinks his words will keep you in check. Twat.

DoYouReally · 16/04/2025 19:40

Why are you still persisting with this?

He's a bad one, there's far better options.

Whatwouldnanado · 16/04/2025 19:40

Run for the hills. Find a house trained one.

TruJay · 16/04/2025 19:40

No way! You’ve asked for a sit down conversation about the future of your relationship that he agreed to and now he’s fucked off out for footy and a pint/better offer. He wouldn’t be coming back to my house afterwards. What a dick!

No way would he be going on my mortgage either!

Sounds like a crock of shit that it’s ’all he’s ever known’ and he ‘thought he was mirroring his parents breadwinner relationship’ because he paid for a small food shop a few times! Laughable.

Tell him to sod off OP, you deserve far better.

This was his chance to step up and he’s just completely effed it off. I’d be fuming but I am in a very bad mood today 😓

Lanaz20 · 16/04/2025 19:42

Oh thank goodness he's shown you who he really is before you get too enmeshed financially and before children. All behaviour is communication. This man-child is showing you that his agreement to have an adult conversation with you that will promote the future health of your relationship is not important. Believe the behaviour. Time to get him out of your home as he's blocking an actual man who will show you you're the most important thing in his life arriving....

llizzie · 16/04/2025 19:42

JadeySmiles · 15/04/2025 19:03

After a challenging weekend I am really starting to think I’ve made a big mistake here 😫

Background - I have been with DP for c.1.5 years, brilliant relationship, get along with each others family and similar goals for the future etc.

He moved in with me at my suggestion a couple of months ago when the tenancy on his flat was up.

I’ve been subtly asking him to contribute to more of the household chores without much uptake and this weekend I was a bit more direct in asking him to do certain things.

His response to me asking him to clean the bathroom was to blankly stare at me and say ‘I am male’. We saw friends on Sunday afternoon (another couple) and he said to my friends DH something along the lines of ‘yeah, she asked me to clean the bathroom yesterday. Not our job is it!’ and burst out laughing.

He has made what I thought were light hearted comments in the past about me being in the kitchen and that being my natural habit which I laughed off but in light of what he has said, I wonder if he was joking!

He has some annoying habit, 2 or 3 times he has made a mess of the toilet and not used the brush, leaving me to clean it up. His response is to laugh and say that I will need to get used to living with a man.

Is this really normal?! I feel I’ve potentially ruined our relationship by moving him in too early..

This is as good as it gets.

He will always be like this if you let him.

You have to ask yourself: 'Am I so hard up for a man that I am willing to do all the housework while he sits and watches me?'

LozzaCh0ps · 16/04/2025 19:42

Chuck him back! Gross!!!!!

MostlyHappyMummy · 16/04/2025 19:43

Who washed the dinner dishes?

IsThePopeCatholic · 16/04/2025 19:43

Is he Andrew Tate?

Labragoogle · 16/04/2025 19:43

Aaaahh the last minute text to watch the Arsenal match that oh so conveniently comes through just as he’s polished off his dinner that you cooked. A well loved tried & tested classic. Do you stop him going & become THAT girlfriend? Get upset & start acting IRRATIONALLY? Stop him from seeing his friends & become a CONTROLLING psycho??

Would you ever be so rude to do that to him? Disappear out to watch a televised sporting event with your girlfriends at the drop of a hat & with no prior warning? That just doesn’t exist in a woman’s world because oh yeah we still live in a patriarchy where male privilege & male pleasure has been organised & institutionalised to give men priority to their hobbies whenever & wherever they want them & women are expected to facilitate that.

It’s only getting worse the more OP speaks!

GoodCharl · 16/04/2025 19:44

Thats the term - consciously incompetent. Thats what he will become each time he has to do a pink job (and most likely a blue job too!)

llizzie · 16/04/2025 19:46

JadeySmiles · 15/04/2025 19:56

I know it’s my house but I was the one who suggested moving him in and feel a bit harsh to tell him to move out after just 2 months with no where obvious to go immediately. I assumed we’d fairly split chores etc so didn’t even think to bring this up before it happened which was naive in hindsight.

To answer an earlier question, he does pay an equal split of bills and quite often insists on covering the full shopping bill. We had discussed him paying in to come on the Mortgage (only once equal) and at that point we’d split this payment 50/50 too. Luckily that was never going to be progressed until a few months in until we knew if we were suited to living with each other.

If he is paying half the bills now, and you really cannot do without him, perhaps you should get a cleaner with the money you are saving?

He would at least get the message that you are NOT cleaning unless he does his share.

BrightLeader · 16/04/2025 19:47

Totally unacceptable. My husband of 45 years shares most things in the house. If cleaning needs doing he does it. He washes & irons & puts away all his clothes. I do most of the cooking but he does most of the do it yourself. A fair split.

Put your foot down now please for your own sanity.

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