Page 16 | To regret moving DP in to my house

JadeySmiles · 2025-04-15T18:03:01+00:00

After a challenging weekend I am really starting to think I’ve made a big mistake here 😫 Background - I have been with DP for c.1.5 years, brilliant relationship, get along with each others family and similar goals for the future etc. He moved in with me at my suggestion a couple of months ago when the tenancy on his flat was up. I’ve been subtly asking him to contribute to more of the household chores without much uptake and this weekend I was a bit more direct in asking him to do certain things. His response to me asking him to clean the bathroom was to blankly stare at me and say ‘I am male’. We saw friends on Sunday afternoon (another couple) and he said to my friends DH something along the lines of ‘yeah, she asked me to clean the bathroom yesterday. Not our job is it!’ and burst out laughing. He has made what I thought were light hearted comments in the past about me being in the kitchen and that being my natural habit which I laughed off but in light of what he has said, I wonder if he was joking! He has some annoying habit, 2 or 3 times he has made a mess of the toilet and not used the brush, leaving me to clean it up. His response is to laugh and say that I will need to get used to living with a man. Is this really normal?! I feel I’ve potentially ruined our relationship by moving him in too early..

Elektra1 · 16/04/2025 06:25

I wouldn’t be dating someone who expressed such outdated and sexist views, never mind living with them

GingerPaste · 16/04/2025 06:36

Wow, he sounds like an entitled, spoilt arse. Tell him to clean the toilet or leave (immediately).

HeySnoodie · 16/04/2025 06:44

yes to an ultimation - 50/50 chores or move out by mid May.

Whatever you do don’t put him on the mortgage, if you eventually marry things will be split if you split.

HeySnoodie · 16/04/2025 06:45

Maybe it would be better for you to keep your property and he buys a seperste property to rent out

IsItAllRubbish · 16/04/2025 06:47

Imbusytodaysorry · 15/04/2025 21:39

I agree I don’t think it will . But op seems not to want to get rid .
She appears not to want to clean up after him but isn’t bothered about his attitude to her and women in general.
So maybe just maybe if she try’s talking to him first and seeing he doesn’t care enough to sort his (shit ) out literally . Then maybe she will find it easier to ask him to leave. .

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Oh cut it out she’d posted 5 mins before your comment. Let her have a moment to process.

IsItAllRubbish · 16/04/2025 06:48

Chuck him out op. It’s not normal and he doesn’t have any respect for you!

FiveBarGate · 16/04/2025 07:25

I wouldn't view it as a mistake of 'too soon' more 'better to find out now'.

Will he pull his weight in other ways? I'll be honest, I don't think my husband has cleaned our bathroom in 20 years. Though he wouldn't leave it in a mess. But he does a massive amount of other things and I like it done my way. Can't say I've jet washed the patio or cleared out the sheds.

Plenty of couples split jobs and rarely cross into each others but if that's not happening and you are not happy, it's a bad sign so early on.

BeeDavis · 16/04/2025 07:38

He’ll get a right shock if you tell him it’s actually my husband that cleans our bathroom. 😮

SeekingAnswersToProblems · 16/04/2025 07:41

Why on earth would you even be concerned for the future of a relationship with a person who expects you to scrub his skid marks off the toilet because he has a penis and you don’t? Have some standards and self respect!

MikeRafone · 16/04/2025 08:01

why would you want someone to move in to your home and then you have to clean up after them?

It's not the basis for an equal relationship - more like a mother/housekeeper son/master relationship. I suggest he moves out and finds someone else to do his chores etc as you're not unpaid skivy.

Added to which who can have a decent sex life with such an unequal relationship or one that mirrors a mother son relationship - yuk

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 16/04/2025 08:04

Omg you've found out he is a disgusting sexist pig and you're worried that you've ruined the relationship? By 'moving him in too early'? If you hadn't moved him in, he would still turn out to be a disgusting second pig.

Please find some self respect and end this

PinkArt · 16/04/2025 08:07

PyongyangKipperbang · 16/04/2025 02:36

Bollocks to training him, that was his mothers job and she failed.

There are men out there who have actually lived alone and know that loos dont clean themselves as their mothers dont make a special journey to do it for them. FFS, my DD's DP didnt leave home until he lived with DD and he does his share. I have to admit I was a bit "hmmmm" about that, but DD is firm and made it clear that it was 50/50 on everything or he is on his way. As it is, she does all of the cleaning but he does all of the cooking as that suits them, and they both do the washing. But that came about after a year or so of living together. Point is, its shared and fair and they are both happy with it.

This specimen is a dick. I would call him an animal but that isnt fair because even animals know better than this creature.

You can do better. Dont be his second mother, get rid and find yourself a REAL man, one who knows what a bog brush if for and isnt afraid to use it.

ETA....might be telling to have a conversation about the Andrew Tate thing. Say you read something online about it and see what he says. If he says something a long the lines of "Well yeah he is a bit of a dick but he has a point" then chuck him out and block him everywhere.

Edited

His parents job. It's just as sexist to say it's his mum's fault as some of the nonsense the man himself has come out with.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 16/04/2025 08:08

You can train him into doing some more chores. But he will be doing them because he doesn't want to get dumped, not because he thinks it's the right thing to do or he is a decent human. Fundamentally he thinks women should clean up his (literal) shit, because he's a man. Surely you can't carry on knowing that. And I'm not sure what age you are, but if you ever had kids, it would be a million times worse

TubeScreamer · 16/04/2025 08:10

He sounds dreadful, and this will be as good as it gets

CandidRaven · 16/04/2025 08:14

Get rid he's obviously sexist if he thinks all household cleaning is a woman's job

KoiTetra · 16/04/2025 08:15

As much as the physical acts of not cleaning are an issue the biggest issue and one you wont solve is the major differences between the two of you on gender roles.

The rest of the relationship may be perfect but you have a partner who thinks its a woman's job to wait on a man, I can pretty much guarantee at least to some extent this view also translates to men are superior. There is no changing this, its his view and you will be stuck with it forever more.

Better to find out now than later that you are not compatible because you have a normal modern view and he has an outdated and misogynistic view.

(From a male perspective)

LogicVoid · 16/04/2025 08:21

JadeySmiles · 15/04/2025 21:30

Thanks everyone for your replies, I think it’s clear I need to be more firm and give an ultimatum that he pulls his weight (and be clear on what this looks like) or he’ll have notice to leave and god knows what that would mean for the future prospects of our relationship.

FFS, cut to the chase. He's a dud. Throw him back now, save yourself further grief.

Lorlorlorikeet · 16/04/2025 08:27

Unfortunately, this poster doesn’t have enough sense of self to leave this man, even though he’s waved his misogyny flags aloft.

I expect she does everything at home, including his laundry, but it’s ok because she’s “fine with that”, and feels she has to do the cleaning because it’s her house.

So depressing.

DoddlesMcDoddle · 16/04/2025 08:54

JadeySmiles · 15/04/2025 21:30

Thanks everyone for your replies, I think it’s clear I need to be more firm and give an ultimatum that he pulls his weight (and be clear on what this looks like) or he’ll have notice to leave and god knows what that would mean for the future prospects of our relationship.

future prospects of our relationship.

The fuck is wrong with you, OP? Why do you even want to be in a relationship with this lazy misogynist chauvinist pig? He has made it more than obvious he thinks cleaning up is 'womans work'. Oh, he says it in a joking tone, does he? Never a truer word said in jest. That he says it, and that he follows it up by not cleaning up at all, SHOWS he means it. He truly thinks it's 'womans work'. His ACTIONS or lack there of, back this up. Get rid of him, and forget staying in a relationship with him, if you have any self respect and standards.

But if you're that desperate for a man you won't throw him back, I'd start with:

"I am unimpressed with your misogynist attitude. We are in 2025, not the 1800s or 1940s. In my house, the male pulls his weight 50% with the housework. Now I want to see you doing housework or you can pack your bag and leave. I am not kidding! I'm not a 1940s housewife slave, so if you think I am, walk out of that door right now!"

PS Who gives a flying fuck if he has nowhere to live? That is HIS FAULT for abusing your house and hospitality. That is not your responsibility! Stop being a wet lettuce and fawning at the feet of men who treat women badly. I'd throw him in the gutter and he can stay there and sleep there!

CitizenofMoronia · 16/04/2025 08:58

no its not normal, and no you didnt ruin a relationship by moving him in too early, this is who he is, he expects you to clean up after him like some unpaid skivey, he would have been the same no matter how long you were together, Id say you have just saved yourself time by finding out what hes like early and saving yourself any more wasted time.

Panfish · 16/04/2025 08:59

Rejoice!!! It doesn’t look like any children are involved for once

Dollshousedolly · 16/04/2025 08:59

Have one final talk with him about this - chores and everything house related split 50/50. The same will happen if/when you have children. Ask if he could give a rational explanation as to why he feels you should do all. Offer to show him once how to clean a bathroom or whatever. Give him a month and if no change, he’s out. If he steps up for the month but then relapses - out.

Pussycat22 · 16/04/2025 09:01

Cocklodger who needs to go back to his mummy for his nappy changing and his arse wiping!!!

Pussycat22 · 16/04/2025 09:02

DoddlesMcDoddle · 16/04/2025 08:54

future prospects of our relationship.

The fuck is wrong with you, OP? Why do you even want to be in a relationship with this lazy misogynist chauvinist pig? He has made it more than obvious he thinks cleaning up is 'womans work'. Oh, he says it in a joking tone, does he? Never a truer word said in jest. That he says it, and that he follows it up by not cleaning up at all, SHOWS he means it. He truly thinks it's 'womans work'. His ACTIONS or lack there of, back this up. Get rid of him, and forget staying in a relationship with him, if you have any self respect and standards.

But if you're that desperate for a man you won't throw him back, I'd start with:

"I am unimpressed with your misogynist attitude. We are in 2025, not the 1800s or 1940s. In my house, the male pulls his weight 50% with the housework. Now I want to see you doing housework or you can pack your bag and leave. I am not kidding! I'm not a 1940s housewife slave, so if you think I am, walk out of that door right now!"

PS Who gives a flying fuck if he has nowhere to live? That is HIS FAULT for abusing your house and hospitality. That is not your responsibility! Stop being a wet lettuce and fawning at the feet of men who treat women badly. I'd throw him in the gutter and he can stay there and sleep there!

Edited

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You're right, he's the sort who will always want a woman too look after him.

Ginmonkeyagain · 16/04/2025 09:18

What era did you get this one from? My grandpa was born in 1914 and as a child I remember him doing a lot of cleaning and cooking around the house.