To regret moving DP in to my house

[JadeySmiles]

After a challenging weekend I am really starting to think I’ve made a big mistake here 😫

Background - I have been with DP for c.1.5 years, brilliant relationship, get along with each others family and similar goals for the future etc.

He moved in with me at my suggestion a couple of months ago when the tenancy on his flat was up.

I’ve been subtly asking him to contribute to more of the household chores without much uptake and this weekend I was a bit more direct in asking him to do certain things.

His response to me asking him to clean the bathroom was to blankly stare at me and say ‘I am male’. We saw friends on Sunday afternoon (another couple) and he said to my friends DH something along the lines of ‘yeah, she asked me to clean the bathroom yesterday. Not our job is it!’ and burst out laughing.

He has made what I thought were light hearted comments in the past about me being in the kitchen and that being my natural habit which I laughed off but in light of what he has said, I wonder if he was joking!

He has some annoying habit, 2 or 3 times he has made a mess of the toilet and not used the brush, leaving me to clean it up. His response is to laugh and say that I will need to get used to living with a man.

Is this really normal?! I feel I’ve potentially ruined our relationship by moving him in too early..

I've been married for nearly 30yrs & I've never once had to clean the toilet after my husband has used it.

That's normal isn't it?

Please send him on his way again! You are not a doormat and he should not expect to treat you as such. You are a strong woman who deserves better!

Tell him to get into the 21st century if he wants to live with you. This is pathetic.

I'd ask him to move out, sounds like your relationship is more compatible not living together. Horrified if his mother was cleaning for him! I think he's made it fairly obvious what his attitude is and it sounds like you're independent so he's not adding value to you. Harsh but true. Even if he does step up, I feel it will be short-lived

Great that it only took two months for him to show true colours. Imagine it was 10 years.

Move him bk out.

Absolutely not normal for a grown man and very unattractive. He sounds somewhat immature to be honest. Does he think living with you or any woman basically equals a live in cleaner? Even if you manage to get him to do a few jobs I think you’ll end up feeling like the mum of a teenager and will feel resentful. I also think these kind of sexist views will permeate other aspects of a long term life together which would just be tiring to navigate when its all so basic. I understand he may have other good qualities but I think you should throw this one back. Not your job to teach him how to be a grown up.

I find it hrd to believe th esigns of a lazy misogynist pric weren't there already but nonetheless, this is a massive sign that you should run!!

Your mistake was to clean the toilet after him the first time. He's like a male dog pissing over and marking his territory, and you've let him. Too late now to instill any level of equality in the chore rota. There's no coming back from this OP, and you can talk to him until you're blue in the face over it.

He's too male to clean?

Those comments he made about you being in the kitchen, that's not light hearted shit, that's red flags that he is a misogynist. Did you guys not discuss things like division of cleaning and the like before moving him in?

Evict his hobosexual dirty ass. He's ruined your relationship by showing you what a horrible misogynist he is.

I'd use his favourite shirt to clean the toilet after he fouled it and refused to clean it.

It needs to be non negotiable, not just ‘more firm’. You are not his mum.

Tell him there will not be any notice to leave. He’ll have the time it takes to pack his stuff. You cannot back down on this or you are committing yourself to a lifetime of being his personal maid. And what happens if you have children? Do you think that they won’t notice the dynamic and grow up thinking that’s normal?

And, surely, if you want to be in a relationship where you’re living with your partner, then it means the relationship is over. If you want to live with your partner, you’re just wasting your time by continuing to date a man you know you can’t live with.

If you put him on that mortgage you’d be mad. You might as well just hand over the keys to him now. Do not put him on the mortgage unless you are married. And then make sure you see a solicitor first to ring fence your deposit.

I feel I’ve potentially ruined our relationship by moving him in too early..

Stop trying to find a way for his disgusting misogyny to be your fault.

Don’t waste your time trying to train him or teach him the error of his ways. He’s shown you he’s a sexist dick head. What more do you need to know?
his housing situation is his own problem. Bin him off and give your time and energy to somebody who sees you as an equal.
You get one life. ONE! don’t waste a minute more on this idiot.

I’m his first ‘serious’ relationship = you're the 1st woman who didnt chuck him right back when his true colours started to show.

“I’d like to live with a man, rather than a little boy. You need to get used to living without a mum to clean up after you otherwise you’ll have to get used to living somewhere else!”

Who cleaned the bathroom for him in his last place? Presumably it was his job then? So why is it no longer his responsibility to clean up after himself?
He sounds like a man child.

He’s moved into your space and has saved himself a massive amount of money and thinks you’ll clean up after him as well? Come on, OP.

My mother used to do this. Thought she could make the most obnoxious or cruel comment but — tinkly laugh—- no one seems to have a sense of humour these days, can’t take a joke. Very nasty passive aggressive behaviour.
This is his personality, OP, his being nice mask has well and truly slipped.

And you see what, exactly, in this revolting, sexist, lazy prick?

He needs flushed down the toilet!

I’m old, married to an older man. We have a son and a grandson. All of us , from 80+ down to 10yr old know how to clean a lavatory. And we all do clean up after ourselves.

it might come right for you, if you push hard and he listens and changes. Maybe give it a go, but remember it’s on him to change his ways, not you

He would be moving right out again. What an asshole.

It's not going to work out OP. You've got yourself a fixer upper and its not our job to train badly raised men.

You're mad to think of putting a disrespectful misogynist asshole who soils your home and refuses to clean it and you've only known a year and a half on your mortgage.

This is the best it's going to get with this guy. You're in the honeymoon phase and he thinks you are there to literally clean up his shit.

No. This is not normal.

Just remind him you're his partner, not his mother, and in this day and age chores are shared equally.

(And on the basis he wouldn't have sex with his mother, then you won't be having sex with someone who treats you like his mother!!!)

The same way you moved him in you can move him back out