18 year old son asked for lunch by family member

[EWAB]

i didn’t know how I should title the thread.

My son is 18 so an adult. A man. He lives at home and will go to university in September.

If a kind of family member, a woman, I imagine in her late 60s/70s told him she was going to be in London over Easter and would he meet her for lunch, would you be tempted to tag along?

My mum would probably triangulate herself into this situation, but that’s a whole story.

I don't think you've read all the OPs posts!

I would be concerned in the circumstances you have set out OP. The fact that your DS never met his late relative, and has never met this woman, coupled with being left a decent bequest, would ring alarm bells for me. It is strange that she approached your DS directly, rather than his dad/the whole family.

I would discourage the meeting.

But step and half have two different meanings. One's a blood relative one is not.

I think he should ask her what the meeting is for. It's not fair to send an 18yo into a meeting with a 60yo distant relative when he has no clue what she wants. It puts him at a huge disadvantage. There's no reason why she can't share what it's about and allow him to make an informed decision about whether to meet and whether he wants someone else there too.

get him to give her a call, on speaker record if possible. Keep it light and say would have been nice to finally meet etc but unfortunately can’t manage at mo, was she looking for a catch up or something more specific and go from there if she comes out with anything odd

I have a DS that age. Why not go with him, if he’s happy for you to?

Does seem rather odd that she’d ask to meet him and not all of you. I’d be questioning her motives. If she’s not the executor, why does she want to meet him? She may just be a bit socially awkward and not think to meet you all. Or be leaving it up to him whether to invite you, given he’s an adult.

Also, are you sure it’s her who’s contacted him? How did she get his contact details? Was it via the executor/solicitor or direct? Some scammers are highly sophisticated and if there’s a substantial amount of money at play, I’d rather err on the safe side.

I am wondering about some scam or attempt to manipulate given what may be involved and what you have described.

Advise your son to get more details before meeting.

Recently watched Con Mum on Netflix. She was in her 80s and a scammer extraordinaire, partly because of her age. People don’t expect it.

British woman in Netflix's Con Mum charged in Singapore https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c14xn65vg2yo

Also, if the step-great uncle was the step brother of your MIL, has your MIL or DP been left any money? If not, why’s that?

Also, are you sure it’s her who’s contacted him?

I was thinking that. Could be anyone who has contacted him. And who knows who will turn up at the meeting point.

I wouldn’t let him go (yes I know he is 18) I would advise him to put it off until he has received his inheritance. He could meet her later on and she may genuinely want to meet him and get to know the people her late husband obviously considered important enough to leave money to. However, it is slightly odd that she hasn’t invite you his parents so I would be initially wary.

I’d certainly suggest the lunch venue, rather than meeting her where she suggests. And go with him to keep an eye.

If it’s a substantial amount (over £100k) one possible scam I could think of is cloning his bank card, somehow and/or finding out his PIN. So that when the money gets paid it to his account, they can take it straight out. If he uses his card in a place of her choosing, a scammer could be on the payroll.

Tell him not to take his bank card. Only cash.

https://www.actionfraud.police.uk/a-z-of-fraud/inheritance-fraud

Really, not even if he wants her around locally as there could be a lot to mull over.

Half not step.

I'm not sure why everyone thinks you're being so unreasonable. That's a pretty intense situation for an 18 year old and I'd think most would find it quite challenging. I don't think you're at all unreasonable to want to keep an eye out for him.

EdithBond

He was half not step. MiL is already dead I didn’t know the man so I am not privy to why he chose his beneficiaries.

Well I am completely freaked now. It never entered my head about the possibility of a scam. While I think it’s a long shot I am sending his dad with him just to drop him off to suss it all out.

Nah if he's never met her and inheritance is at stake then yes still parent him. He might be old enough to vote, drive, and marry. But not old enough to resist manipulation. She's being very inappropriate. He's a junior member of your household and his brain is still developing and also he may one day be responsible for his own children and/or your care. It's a family interest conversation. Don't let her play he said she said and divide and rule.

Please let his dad stay.

And why wouldn’t the great uncle leave all his money to his DP? Or make her his executor? If you don’t know that, she and her family may be aggrieved and trying to gather evidence to contest the will. How long were they together? Could she be a scammer?

There’s probably an innocent, simple explanation. She probably wants to meet your DS to pass on what her DP would have liked him to do with the money or out of curiously to see what he’s like and if he might blow it all.

But financial scams are rife.

It sounds a bit suss to me .

They're not from a culture or family with anything like gangster connections or honour codes or easy abductions...are they? It sounds dramatic but there is plenty of that about in the UK.

I mean...I'm a half-great aunt through marriage. My late husband had a half sibling and has two nephews. The nephews have children.

When I shuffle off this mortal coil, if there's any money left after my care needs then it won't be going to my husband's kids - it'll be going to my cousin's kids and to my nephews through marriage or their children.

Why? It's a long story, but the nephews have been much more decent to me than my husband's kids ever were. [Obligatory "No, I wasn't the OW."]

Get your DH to stay for the lunch too. Don't just drop him off. There should be nothing that can't be said in front of his Dad.

I voted yabu but having read the massive drip feed I can now understand your concerns.

I don't think he should go. I'd encourage him to politely decline, or come down ill on the day or similar.

Given the very important context regarding the will I'd not want him to go alone, or at all tbh.