18 year old son asked for lunch by family member

[EWAB]

i didn’t know how I should title the thread.

My son is 18 so an adult. A man. He lives at home and will go to university in September.

If a kind of family member, a woman, I imagine in her late 60s/70s told him she was going to be in London over Easter and would he meet her for lunch, would you be tempted to tag along?

I wouldn't go as the relation was your Dh side of the family, if our son wanted him to go I'd encourage him to. Otherwise, I'd advise my son not to be guilt tripped in to anything or to sign anything she presents and if she does try ask him to give her some money to say il need to go away and think about it on repeat.

As an aside, half great uncle wasn't really needed. You could just say great uncle. I have a half sister, she's just my sister I never call her my half sister to anyone.

Don't go along.

Tell him to be polite.

Tell him not to agree to anything and keep chats away from personal things like the will.

He can chat about his hobbies and his uni course.

She may have ulterior motives but she may not!

OP, no need to answer, but consider: when did DS turn 18?
when did great uncle Bulgaria die?

You can't think of any reason to be concerned about why a middle aged woman whos husband has left money to a very young person neither she nor her husband knew wants to meet him?

There might be sensible positive reasons she wants to meet up, but I can think of many more not so positive ones and I'm not surprised OP is worried.

I think he needs ot be "counselled" on how to leave if he's uncomfortable and not to agree to anything without discussing it with his parents or taking time to think about it first, rather than accompanied.

Fucking hell, knew the name sounded familiar.

Agree it would be more appropriate for DH to go, particularly given the background information here.

This.

I'd offer to my son to go along with him if he would like me to. Voice concerns about what she might want or be like, and have a discussion with him about possible strategies he could use, including being non-committal to anything she might ask of him, thinking through scenarios beforehand and how much information he feels comfortable to share with her, right up to leaving immediately or just not going if he feels uncomfortable with what she says.

EASY: NO meeting! Definitely.

No, please don't do this. Your son is an adult. It's up to him to handle the situation. If he doesn't want to go, he should politely decline. Relying on his mum to lurk around the corner is not appropriate.

I would counsel him not to go.

If he does, say little, agree to nothing and sign nothing.

Award for oddest thread of the week goes to.....

She is clearly going to angle to tap your son up for some cash. He should decline or as a minimum have some phrases ready to put her off.

She’s said “half” three bloody times.

Eh is this a wind up?

TimeForABreak4

MiL and the deceased didn’t have the same mother and didn’t really grow up together.

It is a sizeable inheritance.

My partner is intrigued as I am but is laughing at my concerns.

Somebody said up thread that she might record him saying that he had never met the half-great uncle. That wouldn’t be a concern as I don’t think not knowing someone precludes one from inheriting from them.

We will obviously have a chat before but he will just be non-committal if the conversation moves onto dodgy ground.

You say she was his partner rather than his wife. I wonder whether she isn't included in the will and wants your son to give up his share? I also wonder whether the house is going to be sold and she wants him to say she can live in it until her death.

He should definitely speak to his cousin. The more information is shared, the better.

Given all you say, I would turn up at the meeting as well, as though you and he were shopping together. Or maybe turn up after ten minutes. It's very unlikely she's meeting him to give him any good news so I think if he's got someone with him it'll make things easier for him.

Do you think she may be intending to suggest a deed of variation to the will. If all the beneficiaries agree, the will could be changed.

OP, the "record him"comment, I stated I had no idea, but possibly a lawyer has told her things to say/ask/record .

It was a random example of a hundred things that could help her contest a will. I have absolutely no idea what they might be.

No. I can't think why it would even enter your head to invite yourself.

TBF she's probably entitled to be a bit miffed that her partner (assuming longstanding living together) left everything to a nephew he'd never met!

This. I kind of hope she is contesting the will. There’s a very weird family dynamic going on here and fair play to here if she shakes it up.

@EWAB scrap this.

You have clearly loads of money. See a lawyer, not mumsnet who are replying to your incorrect first post.

(The lawyer will tell you not to go)

*anybody to go.

BlackStrayCat

First post wasn’t incorrect, I apparently did a drip feed, for which I have apologised.

We don’t have a lot of money at all, far from it.

What you say about a lawyer is interesting. My SiL is a solicitor but don’t really want to discuss it with her.

I am on the point of now advising him not to go. We will have a chat tomorrow evening.

Have you seen the will?

No. I imagine she wants to give him some money as he is off to uni soon. Bless. Why would you want to tag along anyway?