18 year old son asked for lunch by family member

[EWAB]

i didn’t know how I should title the thread.

My son is 18 so an adult. A man. He lives at home and will go to university in September.

If a kind of family member, a woman, I imagine in her late 60s/70s told him she was going to be in London over Easter and would he meet her for lunch, would you be tempted to tag along?

OP has said more than once half great uncle. Whatever that is (my brain can’t seem to work it out).

Surely if he goes he can tell you what she has to say to him afterwards. Incredibly rude to turn up to a dinner when you haven’t been invited. If your son wants you to go then he should ask the person who invited him if you’re ok to come along but I think YABU to go.

Would you just tag along with a friend if another friend invited them to dinner just because you wanted to know what they are going to talk about?

I would go if my 18yr old wanted me to, or stay nearby if asked. Same as I would if my 31yr old son asked me too.

I wrongly voted Yabu

Now that you have given more context, I think you are definitely not being unreasonable.

I wouldn’t like it one bit. Make sure he doesn’t get tipsy!

There could be two motives here. She wants to get to know who her husband thought worthy enough to leave an inheritance to
Or..
She is going to guilt trip him into not accepting it?

It is. She made a thread about this inheritance back in January. Her younger son has already inherited £120,000 from his grandmother on his dad's side and has just inherited again. OP said in the January post:

Late MiL’s half brother has left his entire estate to the MALE grandchildren of his siblings. Younger son and partner’s nephew and we think 2 or 3 others.

I think at 18 still living at home - I'd want to be nearby - just so he can ring if there a lot of emotional blackmail to sign something or she makes him uncomfortable.

A bit older and more life experience under their belt I wouldn't be as worried.

Maybe she wants to hand over a trinket, watch, cuff links for him to remember his relative?

Leave them alone. What are you hoping to achieve by hijacking the lunch? Go and get your jollies somewhere else.

Nope, keep you snout out.

Plenty time to interfere and interrogate your son when he gets home.

Yes this. It doesn’t matter how old they are if they actually want you there. I’d be there if he was fifty and asked me to.

@EWAB your son is 18! he is an adult. she may be going to give him an advance on his inheritance to help him at university! he doesnt need you there.

He may want her there though.

OP have you asked your son if he’d like you in the vicinity?

How well do you know the aunt? Is it likely she could make things nasty?

I have to admit I'd be worried about what she wanted to say to him. When you say a beneficiary, do you mean a small part of the estate or is it her home or something equally substantial?

I'd be worried, but I'd make sure he knew to leave if he felt uncomfortable and was comfortable with doing that, rather than going with him.

It’s not the uncle’s partner who’s coning across as emotional or weird here. 😧

@allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld He’s legally an adult but he doesn’t have any life experience, does he? He’s still at school!

I agree that the OP shouldn’t gatecrash the lunch, but she should definitely talk it through with her son beforehand. because he likely has no experience of manipulative ppl, for example. Most adults he’s met have probably had his best interests at heart.

This lady might be lovely or she could be angling for something.

Can't grasp what the worry is, or why you even have it a second thought. Genuinely bemused.

Lucky you. I mean that.

This thread illustrates why scammers are so successful.

OP I completely get why you're concerned. Remember on MN your children are considered fully fledged adults the day they turn 18, which is ridiculous. My youngest (now 22) still asks for advice/guidance, and in the situation you describe, there's no way an 18 year old would necessarily have the life skills to negotiate a potential contesting of a will. I'd definitely suggest to him that you go along, if only so you're there if things get difficult.

The clue here is that she has not contacted you at all but invited him out. Yes he’s 18 but he’s a teenager and she’s a stranger. It’s weird. So you should definitely go because she’s clearly after money or assets.

@Oblomov25 You've obviously only met nice people! Wills can bring out the worst in people- my FIL and DH’s auntie, for example, became estranged from their brother after their Mum died, because he refused to follow the terms of the Will. They didn’t pursue legal action because they didn’t want more trouble, but it was horrible. People can behave very strangely when they believe that they’re entitled to something but a Will states otherwise.

Exactly @redboxer321!

Woman invites a nephew for a good lunch.
Said nephew is about to go to uni.
Nephews mother in a panic in case her dear boy is lead astray or is she concerned that she hasn't taught him correct table manners and it will show her up.
Another chapter in "How to Rear a Snowflake". FFS leave the boy alone. TRUST HIM.

🙄