Photo on sideboard

[Darknessorlighy]

Have three photos on my daughter graduation on sideboard , tonight my partner said ‘ he puts up with those photos ‘ I said I am really hurt by that and he said it was a throw away comment . Aibu to think he was so rude ?

Well if my partner hated my daughter it would be him I'd get rid of not her photos.

I think there are people who have huge regret about the way in which their education has gone.

Parents or teachers may not have encouraged them. There can be precious to start earning money quickly without the issue of having to repay a loan over many issues. Not everyone is in a position where they can help children out with rent.

They might also feel regret or ambivalence about what their own children are doing. Out of work? Stuck in low paid jobs? Or flourishing financially, but not necessarily getting the respect that might be accorded to those in more traditional graduate jobs?

There will also be children who have done well academically, but whose parents don't have the photos on display. I am one of three siblings and we all went to university. My partner and I have three children and again they all went to university. But there aren't any pictures displayed in either home. My parents were proud of what we achieved and I am proud of what my own children achieved. It's just not something where there's a daily reminder or something put where visitors will see them. (I've got some daft informal snaps of when the children were a lot younger instead, which make me smile.)

It is not a kind thing to have said. But I think a lot would depend on what was behind the remark. Because if somebody then said, 'The photos sometimes make me feel sad, because you've been a great parent to your children. And I feel I've let my own kids down,' that could open things up.....

Thar is, in no way, an excuse for his comment.

He sounds like a jealous little boy. Are you sure you want a relationship with a toddler? 🤮

Why not?

He sounds like a bit of a prick in my opinion. If you had bought a house together and only put those photos up then yes he may have a point but in your home? Nah.

As so often happens - the first comment nails it.

OK well, as a stepmum, I've got a different view on this.

I think photos are quite political in a blended home.

Us women generally decorate the house. So if I put up ANY photos of my DC, I put up the same of HIS DC. I wouldn't put up graduation photos of one and not the other because it would make my SDC feel inadequate when they visited.

So actually, I think YABU and this is a sensitive issue that he is raising (albeit poorly).

The photos remind him of her being not his daughter, the house being not his house, the lady, which is the owner of the house, not marrying him, hence this silly word 'partner'. Run away from this idiot - the comment is beyond the pale and be happy he showed his colours clearly!

This. You are a mature woman if you have adult children.Why are you bothering to be in a relationship where you ' put up with a lot'. Get rid.

What a nasty, mean and pathetic comment from a grown man.

Hardly the same thing. A graduation is a celebration of an actual achievement that someone worked for. A second wedding, for obvious reasons, replaces the previous one. That isn't the case with a second degree. The first degree doesn't become invalid when you get another one, you know.

And no, it is not 'excessive' to have three photos OF YOUR OWN BLOODY CHILD on display in your home. Don't be ridiculous.

So, because his kids don't speak to him, the OP has to pretend hers don't exist? Sorry, no. That's not remotely reasonable. They're her children and she can put up as many photos of them as she wants. If he wants to display photos of his own kids, he can do that if he wants to.

Also, it's not a 'blended home' - these aren't young kids who are all living there or coming for access visits. They're adults who have left home.

I put up with a lot the photo comment was just a slap in the face.

Looks like you are now coming in for the bad treatment his suffer which is why there is drama and low contact.

I would read that he is a nasty contemptous cock-lodging man.

What do your friends and family think of him? What does he think of them?

Honestly if a partner showed such contempt for my DC, either he or I would be out the door (depending whose home we’re in)

How many photos of his family are up around the place?

We’re a blended family and I have made sure both sides are represented by photos. It’s both of your homes, after all.

Are the photos faded / in really ugly frames? If yes, would changing that help?

Mumsnet floors me sometimes - the lengths some women will go through to try to justify utterly indefensible behaviour from men 😫

Tell DH he controls those rolling things in his head, called eyeballs, so he’s always got the option to avert his gaze.

So because OP's partner has a strained and distant relationship with his children, OP shouldn't be able to put up graduation photos of her own two daughters? What if his relationship with his kids was fine but his kids hadn't been to university, would it still be wrong for OP to display the photos?

My opinion is that she should get rid of her partner and be able to display whatever photos she wants in her own home without someone making mean comments about her children.

It isn't 'wrong'. But I think it is a bit insensitive. As I say, it's a difficult area.

Absolutely this!!

You’ve barely posted and it’s obvious to anyone reading that the relationship doesn’t work.

I dread to think what you put up with.

Be like the other people in his life who should be precious to him - and cut him out.

Is he a drinker by any chance - or just genetically disruptive.

Can you point me to where the OP has confirmed it's not his house? Because I've asked a couple of times and I thought she'd ignored me.

I would have thought it was obvious? I, for example, would not put photos of my dc on sideboards in somebody else's house. I display them only on my sideboards, in my house. Is it not the norm?

Edited as I forgot to quote.