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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Photo on sideboard

163 replies

Darknessorlighy · 14/04/2025 20:57

Have three photos on my daughter graduation on sideboard , tonight my partner said ‘ he puts up with those photos ‘ I said I am really hurt by that and he said it was a throw away comment . Aibu to think he was so rude ?

OP posts:
HoppingPavlova · 15/04/2025 06:09

Just remind him that you'll proudly display three graduation photos of him any time he wishes to present them to you

👏👏👏 Yep, exactly that. And, I’d stand there waiting. Then strongly suggest he left. Couldn’t put up with that.

arcticpandas · 15/04/2025 06:11

I think it depends on the context: are you talking excessively about your daughter's achievements to the point that he's had enough and the photos are just the nail in the coffin? Or is he just insecure about his lack of degrees and take it out on your daughter- in that case I would put more photos up😉

MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 15/04/2025 06:14

Darknessorlighy · 15/04/2025 05:51

It is 3 photos of two daughters and one has two degrees . He has a strained relationship with his children one doesn’t speak to him for months at a time and there is always drama . Never drama with mine and I think I put up with all these dramas and he has to put up with some photos which I am so proud of .

I do wonder why he has a strained relationship with his kids, it's such a mystery.... not.
I think time to throw that one back in the sea.

Icanttakethisanymore · 15/04/2025 06:16

Darknessorlighy · 14/04/2025 20:57

Daughters graduation , three different degrees .

Whoops quoted wrong post 🙄

HomeTheatreSystem · 15/04/2025 06:17

It's the kind of comment that unfortunately says more about him than you probably want to know.

Whose house is it?

BCBird · 15/04/2025 06:19

3 graduations being compared with 3 marriages? 😳. He's a nob

Bernadinetta · 15/04/2025 06:26

I am also baffled about the way in which he needs to “put up” with these three photos?! Are they in musical frames that play loud techno house music with flashing neon lights around the edge? In what way can normal photos in normal frames affect anyone’s life at all (expect maybe if the subject of the photo was a person who had abused the viewer or something like that but that clearly isn’t the case here).

MightAsWellBeGretel · 15/04/2025 06:28

Darknessorlighy · 15/04/2025 05:51

It is 3 photos of two daughters and one has two degrees . He has a strained relationship with his children one doesn’t speak to him for months at a time and there is always drama . Never drama with mine and I think I put up with all these dramas and he has to put up with some photos which I am so proud of .

Arh right, so he's either jealous of your reltationship or such an arse that he can't imagine being proud of your children.

category12 · 15/04/2025 06:30

MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 15/04/2025 06:14

I do wonder why he has a strained relationship with his kids, it's such a mystery.... not.
I think time to throw that one back in the sea.

Show quote history

Yep.

Man's a miserable shite.

B1anche · 15/04/2025 06:32

OP, why are you avoiding telling us the context?

Do you share the house?
Is he 'allowed' to display his own photos?
What were you talking about that prompted his comment?

tamade · 15/04/2025 06:48

daisychain01 · 15/04/2025 04:12

I don't think it's the same degree / graduation event.

The OP has stated "Daughters graduation , three different degrees"

So three different events.

I think we need the OP to come back to their thread and give some more clues about the dynamics between the DP and the OPs DD and what might have prompted the remark as there must surely be some back story.

Show quote history

I feel pretty daft now, especially because I cannot claim to have missed the update. I saw it and for some reason read it as angles or directions or something.

ZekeZeke · 15/04/2025 06:50

is it a family photo with your daughter and ex husband?
Or just a photo of your daughters alone, at their graduation.
Not that it makes much of a difference he sounds like a jealous gobshite

Original poster
Darknessorlighy · 15/04/2025 06:52

B1anche · 15/04/2025 06:32

OP, why are you avoiding telling us the context?

Do you share the house?
Is he 'allowed' to display his own photos?
What were you talking about that prompted his comment?

I can’t remember the context tbh sometimes he says things I think what in earth . I put up with a lot the photo comment was just a slap in the face .

OP posts:
FatCatSkinnyRat · 15/04/2025 06:55

If you're putting up with a lot, after a while that's on you.

Get rid.

Coconutter24 · 15/04/2025 06:56

TennesseeStella · 14/04/2025 22:15

To be fair to him, three different graduation photos is excessive. If she'd had three wedding ceremonies I doubt you would have photos from each of them up in the house!

3 graduations is something to celebrate and be proud of 3 weddings is not something to celebrate and be proud of.

Xsunshinelollipopsx · 15/04/2025 07:01

Darknessorlighy · 15/04/2025 06:52

I can’t remember the context tbh sometimes he says things I think what in earth . I put up with a lot the photo comment was just a slap in the face .

Show quote history

I feel like my dad’s partner could’ve written this.

My poor dad has lived with her for 15 years. They moved into a new place about 8 years ago. He pays his way and more! But it’s HER house. Not a single photo of my dad or his side of the family are up. The house is covered in photos of her daughter, who she rarely sees. The house is like a shrine to her.

My dad and his partner come to mine almost every week for dinner or tea etc. My younger brother and dad are on and off with speaking too.

Upsidedownsides · 15/04/2025 07:02

Are the photos just of your daughters or do they contain other family members? Your ex-partner maybe?

Were you together when they graduated and was he expecting to be invited?

Is it your house or a shared property? If it is shared is it bursting with your personal stuff?

On the face of it it is an outrageous comment, but we do need a little more here.

Watermill · 15/04/2025 07:07

He sounds horrible. Whose house is it?

Sally2791 · 15/04/2025 07:08

Jealous man. Unattractive at the very least.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 15/04/2025 07:09

Xsunshinelollipopsx · 15/04/2025 07:01

I feel like my dad’s partner could’ve written this.

My poor dad has lived with her for 15 years. They moved into a new place about 8 years ago. He pays his way and more! But it’s HER house. Not a single photo of my dad or his side of the family are up. The house is covered in photos of her daughter, who she rarely sees. The house is like a shrine to her.

My dad and his partner come to mine almost every week for dinner or tea etc. My younger brother and dad are on and off with speaking too.

Show quote history

That is appalling.
My OH moved into my home. Which happened to be my family home I was brought up in. So many memories for me.
I realised that I didn’t need too many photos as the house is packed full of memories.
So I have ensured our home is packed full of family photos of his three DC and grandkids.
I still have a few family photos, and pics with OH.’It has been really important to me that it’s his home.
Love it when his DC are here, if they take a call, and tell someone they are at their dad’s.
They probably aren’t as at home as they are at their own mum’s, where they were brought up, but they are very welcome here.
He did have his own home, by the way, but I was so attached to mine.
I don’t have DC, so it’s been a learning curve for me. But I couldn’t wait to put up graduation photos.
It is a real pleasure having OH’s family in my life.

Flutterbyby · 15/04/2025 07:11

Xsunshinelollipopsx · 15/04/2025 07:01

I feel like my dad’s partner could’ve written this.

My poor dad has lived with her for 15 years. They moved into a new place about 8 years ago. He pays his way and more! But it’s HER house. Not a single photo of my dad or his side of the family are up. The house is covered in photos of her daughter, who she rarely sees. The house is like a shrine to her.

My dad and his partner come to mine almost every week for dinner or tea etc. My younger brother and dad are on and off with speaking too.

Show quote history

Isn't it just a likely that he's never bothered to get photos printed, framed, up on the wall, and she has?

CautiousLurker01 · 15/04/2025 07:15

TennesseeStella · 14/04/2025 22:15

To be fair to him, three different graduation photos is excessive. If she'd had three wedding ceremonies I doubt you would have photos from each of them up in the house!

God, that’s like saying the picture of one grandchild is fine, but to have pictures of each of your grandkids is excessive… each graduation was a separate, hard-won achievement. One doesn’t negate or override the previous ones. Really odd attitude!

RampantIvy · 15/04/2025 07:19

TennesseeStella · 14/04/2025 22:15

To be fair to him, three different graduation photos is excessive. If she'd had three wedding ceremonies I doubt you would have photos from each of them up in the house!

Are you the same mumsnetter as the one on the thread about being proud of your DC when they graduate who thinks parents shouldn't be proud of their DCs at such occasions?

Xsunshinelollipopsx · 15/04/2025 07:21

Flutterbyby · 15/04/2025 07:11

Isn't it just a likely that he's never bothered to get photos printed, framed, up on the wall, and she has?

Show quote history

No he has, he’s allowed them on his bedside table. The ones of her daughter aged about 5 are even in the bathroom, her daughter is early 30s now.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 15/04/2025 07:22

I don't think you should be with someone who has a problem with you displaying photos of your own children in your own home.