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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Photo on sideboard

163 replies

Darknessorlighy · 14/04/2025 20:57

Have three photos on my daughter graduation on sideboard , tonight my partner said ‘ he puts up with those photos ‘ I said I am really hurt by that and he said it was a throw away comment . Aibu to think he was so rude ?

OP posts:
Seachanger · 15/04/2025 00:52

TennesseeStella · 14/04/2025 22:15

To be fair to him, three different graduation photos is excessive. If she'd had three wedding ceremonies I doubt you would have photos from each of them up in the house!

Well I'm not a great one for displaying photos but my son had 3 graduations and I display a photo of all 3 in my living room. And anyone who notices them comments favourably. Unlike OP's partner.

OP is right to be proud of her dd and her academic achievements.

MrsKeats · 15/04/2025 00:57

And how do they affect him in any way at all??

squawky · 15/04/2025 01:01

He’s got to go.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/04/2025 01:04

Why did he say that? Did you ask?

Monty27 · 15/04/2025 01:07

Of course you should display the photos with love and pride!
He sounds like a jealous mean-spirited and negative asshole.

Delphiniumandlupins · 15/04/2025 01:37

Does he do all the dusting? That's the only way his comment could be remotely justified.

ShouldIEvenBother · 15/04/2025 01:44

Fantastic - he's told on himself so effortlessly. You surely know to throw him in the bin, OP.

jen337 · 15/04/2025 02:08

It’s a choice isn’t it? Of all the things he could have said about the photos, from “you must be so proud” positivity, keeping his trap shut neutral, to miserable downer, he chose the latter. Unguarded ‘thoughtless’ words sometimes reveal a lot about a person. Could be out of character or could be he’s a joy thief. Shout out to the “bit much” pp who sounds like another one.

FetchezLaVache · 15/04/2025 02:24

"Not only that, Geoffrey, but if she gets any more degrees I'm going to display a photo of her getting those too".

user1492757084 · 15/04/2025 02:42

Just remind him that you'll proudly display three graduation photos of him any time he wishes to present them to you.

MayaPinion · 15/04/2025 03:36

TennesseeStella · 14/04/2025 22:15

To be fair to him, three different graduation photos is excessive. If she'd had three wedding ceremonies I doubt you would have photos from each of them up in the house!

Three weddings is not equivalent to three degrees. If my DD graduates 20 times there will be 20 photos of her graduating.. Besides, it’s OP’s house. If she wanted to put up wallpaper printed a thousand times with pictures of her daughter graduating that’s entirely her right to do so. OP, this is a red flag and would make me evaluate the relationship carefully.

tamade · 15/04/2025 03:43

MayaPinion · 15/04/2025 03:36

Three weddings is not equivalent to three degrees. If my DD graduates 20 times there will be 20 photos of her graduating.. Besides, it’s OP’s house. If she wanted to put up wallpaper printed a thousand times with pictures of her daughter graduating that’s entirely her right to do so. OP, this is a red flag and would make me evaluate the relationship carefully.

Show quote history

I think it is just one graduation ceremony but three photos from the day. Maybe one on stage shaking the chancellors hand, one posed by a photographer in a booth and one with her in her gown holding a bunch of flowers somewhere on campus.
Not excessive, unless they are all A3 size or bigger with massive guilt frames and they keep getting knocked over because no one can squeeze past.

tamade · 15/04/2025 03:47

@Darknessorlighy
Its an odd comment for someone to make out of the blue what is the context? Were you in the middle of an argument about something of his which you don't like?

daisychain01 · 15/04/2025 04:12

tamade · 15/04/2025 03:43

I think it is just one graduation ceremony but three photos from the day. Maybe one on stage shaking the chancellors hand, one posed by a photographer in a booth and one with her in her gown holding a bunch of flowers somewhere on campus.
Not excessive, unless they are all A3 size or bigger with massive guilt frames and they keep getting knocked over because no one can squeeze past.

Show quote history

I don't think it's the same degree / graduation event.

The OP has stated "Daughters graduation , three different degrees"

So three different events.

I think we need the OP to come back to their thread and give some more clues about the dynamics between the DP and the OPs DD and what might have prompted the remark as there must surely be some back story.

WaltzingWaters · 15/04/2025 04:52

I wouldn’t be putting up with him any longer.

FeedTheRoses · 15/04/2025 05:00

I have no idea about the photographs, but I can remember once visiting my friends parents house, after a break of a few years, and there were huge photographs of her on every wall.
It ruined the once lovely room.

SpringIsSpringing25 · 15/04/2025 05:03

TennesseeStella · 14/04/2025 22:15

To be fair to him, three different graduation photos is excessive. If she'd had three wedding ceremonies I doubt you would have photos from each of them up in the house!

That's hardly a reasonable comparison is it?😝

more like if she had three children a photo with each of them as a newborn

But so what even if it was three photos of her getting the same degree what does it matter? It's three photos of her Daughter,

What an asswipe

SpringIsSpringing25 · 15/04/2025 05:16

tamade · 15/04/2025 03:43

I think it is just one graduation ceremony but three photos from the day. Maybe one on stage shaking the chancellors hand, one posed by a photographer in a booth and one with her in her gown holding a bunch of flowers somewhere on campus.
Not excessive, unless they are all A3 size or bigger with massive guilt frames and they keep getting knocked over because no one can squeeze past.

Show quote history

Then you need to read the OP's posts again where she clearly states it's three different degrees.

I'm sure others have already pointed this out. I haven't got past your post so far.

nomas · 15/04/2025 05:42

Has he moved in, OP? Or is he staying the night a lot more often?

nomas · 15/04/2025 05:45

TennesseeStella · 14/04/2025 22:15

To be fair to him, three different graduation photos is excessive. If she'd had three wedding ceremonies I doubt you would have photos from each of them up in the house!

Would you comment the same in someone’s home?

If someone’s eyes are hurting at seeing the evidence of someone graduating from 3 degrees then they should just leave the house and never come back.

B1anche · 15/04/2025 05:45

Please let us know the context OP.

I mean, on the face of it, he clearly sounds unreasonable but, for example, if you share the house and he is not allowed to have any photos up, then not so unreasonable.

How did the conversation come about? Surely he didn't just make his comment out of the blue.

Original poster
Darknessorlighy · 15/04/2025 05:51

It is 3 photos of two daughters and one has two degrees . He has a strained relationship with his children one doesn’t speak to him for months at a time and there is always drama . Never drama with mine and I think I put up with all these dramas and he has to put up with some photos which I am so proud of .

OP posts:
PeggyMitchellsCameo · 15/04/2025 06:00

Darknessorlighy · 15/04/2025 05:51

It is 3 photos of two daughters and one has two degrees . He has a strained relationship with his children one doesn’t speak to him for months at a time and there is always drama . Never drama with mine and I think I put up with all these dramas and he has to put up with some photos which I am so proud of .

Is it your home OP?
My OH moved into mine. To be quite frank, he wouldn’t notice what photos were up. My dad never really noticed either at home.
This man is clearly resentful of your relationship with your daughters.
And you seem to have taken on a lot here. What is your relationship like in general?

Coocoopachu · 15/04/2025 06:06

I hated looking at a photo of my partners daughter......because I hated her. It's as simple as that.

mossymud · 15/04/2025 06:09

TennesseeStella · 14/04/2025 22:15

To be fair to him, three different graduation photos is excessive. If she'd had three wedding ceremonies I doubt you would have photos from each of them up in the house!

what a stupid comment.