Photo on sideboard

[Darknessorlighy]

Have three photos on my daughter graduation on sideboard , tonight my partner said ‘ he puts up with those photos ‘ I said I am really hurt by that and he said it was a throw away comment . Aibu to think he was so rude ?

He has revealed himself, jealous, selfish, mean. Yuck.

Which is why if something happened to my husband I would never move in with someone else. Date or have a relationship- yes. But I wouldn’t want a man telling me what I can or can’t do regarding my children.

He’s an idiot and his kids are telling you that in their relationship with him. Every single time ask what do you mean? When he says something like this. Get him to explain himself and hear that crap out loud.

As this is obviously just the tip of the iceberg with your partner's behaviour towards you, I would start making plans to leave or to throw him out if this is your house.

Now that you have validation he's an arse, the question is, will you still carry on putting up with unacceptable behaviour from him.

It would give me the permanent ick, but it never ceases to amaze me how much shite women on here seem to put up with.

I’d have told him to leave after he’d said that. That way he wouldn’t have to ‘put up’ with the photos of your DC at all, mean-spirited, arrogant little man.

Your 1st marriage is nullified but the time you have your 2nd. That “achievement” is no longer valid. That isn’t how degrees work though. Each is a separate achievement requiring a lot of hard work.

It’s like putting up a photo of your first grandchild and then not bothering with any subsequent grandchildren because they all represent the same category of “achievement” so why bother?

I’ve got two massive pictures of my DDs graduation on my sideboard. If DP said he “put up with them” I’d be really hurt and angry. I do know he hates dusting all my pictures. But that’s because he hates dusting.

There's a pretty obvious difference. Three weddings would either mean two tragedies or two failures or a mix of those, whereas three graduation ceremonies involve three successes.

Do you share the house? Does he have alot of his own things on display? Did he ask to put something up/out and you said no so he said 'i have to put up with all your family photos?' Context is everything here really.

What a mean spirited and unnecessary comment. I can’t see any way it can be excused. ‘Putting up with’??! If he has a difficult relationship with his own kids, that’s for him to sort, and this kind of behaviour makes me think he is saying/doing things to take out on you what is his problem which is not ok. I get the impression from your post that this was not a one off but perhaps the straw that broke the cameo’s back. If he is not treating you well, the relationship needs to end. Life is too short and you deserve better. Good luck.

Do you equally own or rent your home with him? Or is it yours?

If equal, does he have his personal items on display?

What else do you put up with?

How many degrees does your partner have?

A man who has a shit relationship and drama with his kids would be a huge red flag even without his comment.

I bet he’s said and done other snidey things hasn’t he?

Exactly!

He sounds awful OP.

Why do you choose to put up with a lot OP?

Grown up, successful children, your own house... I cannot imagine feeling anything but peace in your shoes. Therefore, what does this jealous drama lama add to your life?

Do you live together? Whose house is it? Not saying anything justifies him being a dick, but if you don’t live together and it’s your house it’s obviously a lot easier to just get rid of him. Why do you put up with him?

OP, you have a DP problem.

If something feels like a slap in the face then it’s very similar to an actual, physical slap in the face, and you shouldn’t be putting up with that!

Bullying and abuse are two sides of the same coin, whether emotional or physical…

@Darknessorlighy Of course YANBU. No normal person "puts up" with photo's of family. He sounds like a complete arse. He's clearly jealous of the close relationship you have with your daughters and the photo's are a constant reminder of his lack of a meaningful relationship with his own children - and I'd tell him this if he ever commented on the photo's again.

Whose house is it?
Do you live together?
Does he have photos of his family up?

But he does sound like an arsehole

Totally different and not comparable@TennesseeStella ! I have three degrees and my parents always had my three graduation photos up. It’s an achievement, unlike two failed marriages and then a third go.

OP, your partner resents your child. LTB.

You must surely remember the context OP. A comment that has hurt you enough to post on MN is not something that you'd forget the forerunner to, surely? It's important, because if his remark followed you complaining about him displaying a photo of his child, for example, it's different from if he said it out of the blue.

Repeated post

Is he wanting a photo of you both, or of his side of the family on the sideboard but there's no space? I would find that reasonable, although a rude way to phrase it.

Are the photos faded / in really ugly frames? If yes, would changing that help?

What nonsense. A second or third marriage would mean the previous marriage had ended. All three degrees are still relevant and something to be proud of.