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Original poster

To be in Limerence in my early 40s

142 replies

Dreamingi · 14/04/2025 20:41

Limerence
aka an infatuation or really intense crush

I’ve never felt anything like it and I’m
constantly looking for signs he likes me back and waiting for communication from him.
friends and colleagues tell me he likes me too
I’m not so sure

I know I need to get over this but it’s all consuming
has anyone else had this?
no spiteful comments please

OP posts:
Gini83 · 14/04/2025 20:44

Do you need to get over it? Is there a possibility of a relationship? Assuming you’re not already attached.

Original poster
Dreamingi · 14/04/2025 20:45

Gini83 · 14/04/2025 20:44

Do you need to get over it? Is there a possibility of a relationship? Assuming you’re not already attached.

I really don’t know
sometimes I think yes
sometimes no.

really unhealthy
nothing has happened between us physically

OP posts:
Original poster
Dreamingi · 14/04/2025 20:46

Not attached

long time widowed

OP posts:
PassingStranger · 14/04/2025 20:48

Yes it's a thing. Do.you suffer with obsessive thoughts in general
People with OCD are more prone.

Original poster
Dreamingi · 14/04/2025 20:49

PassingStranger · 14/04/2025 20:48

Yes it's a thing. Do.you suffer with obsessive thoughts in general
People with OCD are more prone.

No I don’t!
it’s thrown me

OP posts:
Gini83 · 14/04/2025 20:50

Do you work together?

Flamintula · 14/04/2025 20:56

I've had this. My hormones went nuts in my early 40s. I've seen it referred to as the surge. I had wild, obsessive, teenage crushes on various people and my sex drive went through the roof.

Heading to late 40s now, regular periods but I think my sex drive has pretty much gone.

Original poster
Dreamingi · 14/04/2025 20:57

Flamintula · 14/04/2025 20:56

I've had this. My hormones went nuts in my early 40s. I've seen it referred to as the surge. I had wild, obsessive, teenage crushes on various people and my sex drive went through the roof.

Heading to late 40s now, regular periods but I think my sex drive has pretty much gone.

I’m 44

OP posts:
Original poster
Dreamingi · 14/04/2025 20:57

Gini83 · 14/04/2025 20:50

Do you work together?

Yes!

OP posts:
Boreded · 14/04/2025 20:58

Is he single?

SpookyMcTaggart · 14/04/2025 20:58

Not sure if "limerance" isn't just a fancy word for normal human experiences like falling in love, fancying someone, having a crush, being a bit obsessed with someone, etc.

If neither of you are married, then I say go for it and enjoy!

Original poster
Dreamingi · 14/04/2025 20:59

Gini83 · 14/04/2025 20:50

Do you work together?

NHS so quite close all the time

OP posts:
Original poster
Dreamingi · 14/04/2025 21:00

Boreded · 14/04/2025 20:58

Is he single?

Yes

OP posts:
AquaPeer · 14/04/2025 21:00

Isn’t liberance really just self enforced obsession/ obsessive stalking behaviour?

Boreded · 14/04/2025 21:02

Then it’s fun, enjoy it. As long as it doesn’t get in the way of work then there is no problem

PassingStranger · 14/04/2025 21:02

SpookyMcTaggart · 14/04/2025 20:58

Not sure if "limerance" isn't just a fancy word for normal human experiences like falling in love, fancying someone, having a crush, being a bit obsessed with someone, etc.

If neither of you are married, then I say go for it and enjoy!

Limerance is a real.thing and very painful
More than.just a crush it's obsessive thinking.

ItGhoul · 14/04/2025 21:02

Dreamingi · 14/04/2025 20:45

I really don’t know
sometimes I think yes
sometimes no.

really unhealthy
nothing has happened between us physically

Show quote history

Why is it unhealthy for two single people to fancy each other? Why can’t you date each other?

MummytoE · 14/04/2025 21:03

Is their a reason you don't want to or can't pursue it? You are both single, he likes you, you like him... Go for it!!

Original poster
Dreamingi · 14/04/2025 21:03

SpookyMcTaggart · 14/04/2025 20:58

Not sure if "limerance" isn't just a fancy word for normal human experiences like falling in love, fancying someone, having a crush, being a bit obsessed with someone, etc.

If neither of you are married, then I say go for it and enjoy!

But here’s the thing
a while ago after a few signs I suggested something and he said he just wanted to be friends

but he doesn’t act as if he does
others have picked up on it and say he ‘fancies’ me
in not so sure

it’s all a bit silly and childish.

OP posts:
Chocoholicnightmare · 14/04/2025 21:04

Perhaps it's been a while since you've felt attracted to someone and it's all a bit overwhelming (but how exciting for you!). I'd suggest you try and become friends with this person, as in smile/make conversation (and don't be weird). It will kill a bit of the mystery and hopefully bring you down to earth a bit. There's a high chance they like you too, and if so, there's no big rush. Get to know them (how exciting!)

TeaRoseTallulah · 14/04/2025 21:04

AquaPeer · 14/04/2025 21:00

Isn’t liberance really just self enforced obsession/ obsessive stalking behaviour?

Yes,I think so.

boobsiedaisy · 14/04/2025 21:05

I have been there, way too long. Give your limerence as little time as possible.

Get your mind busy, set yourself a challenge, start a degree, a hobby, a project, go out a lot, meet people, reconnect with the present, grow your world and your experiences so it's not only focussed on the object of your limerence, but bigger and centred around you again.

Original poster
Dreamingi · 14/04/2025 21:06

AquaPeer · 14/04/2025 21:00

Isn’t liberance really just self enforced obsession/ obsessive stalking behaviour?

Oh god I’ve not stalked the man

OP posts:
AquaPeer · 14/04/2025 21:06

Might turn into that though

Original poster
Dreamingi · 14/04/2025 21:06

Chocoholicnightmare · 14/04/2025 21:04

Perhaps it's been a while since you've felt attracted to someone and it's all a bit overwhelming (but how exciting for you!). I'd suggest you try and become friends with this person, as in smile/make conversation (and don't be weird). It will kill a bit of the mystery and hopefully bring you down to earth a bit. There's a high chance they like you too, and if so, there's no big rush. Get to know them (how exciting!)

I am friends with this person

OP posts: