To be in Limerence in my early 40s

[Dreamingi]

Limerence
aka an infatuation or really intense crush

I’ve never felt anything like it and I’m
constantly looking for signs he likes me back and waiting for communication from him.
friends and colleagues tell me he likes me too
I’m not so sure

I know I need to get over this but it’s all consuming
has anyone else had this?
no spiteful comments please

😂😂😂

Why do you think it’s limerance? It sounds more like you are having a very normal experience- an intense attraction to someone is normal! Completely understandable to think about them a lot, fantasise about them, look for signs they like you too. Maybe you just haven’t experienced these emotions for a while and it’s taken you by surprise? Remember being a teenager?! If you’re both single then is it worth letting them know? I would try and enjoy it!!

I don’t know

i couldn’t stand the rejection to be honest!

I don’t know if he likes me like that.

If he's single, just go for it. Go for a drink after work and shag him

Yes but being in love can be obsessional and painful, so can a crush sometimes. I just don't see why we need a new word for experiences that people have been having since humans existed.

You will never know if you don't ask.

He has said he wants to be friends. Seems he likes the attention though and that’s why you are getting mixed singles .

Don’t let him Play you for his ego.

I’ve been to his place several times
nothing has happened

its actually really immature at my ripe old age
in halfway to 90 in august

He did yes

then still follows me around
stares at me

i feel silly writing it to be honest!

This op. He likes the attention, but doesn’t like you in the way you like him. I’m sorry, some men are just selfish shits.

a while ago after a few signs I suggested something and he said he just wanted to be friends

What did you suggest? How long ago was this?

and

i think honestly most men (especially after being given a green light, ie you 'suggesting something') will persue a woman they want. In other words i think he's told you how he feels but you're not listening. Sorry

I wish that word could get permanently buried. I’d never heard it before MN and it’s just one of those ‘yuck’ words.

It’s a crush you have. It’s nice to have a crush sometimes - proves you're alive.

I agree darling
that’s why I need to get over it

‘But here’s the thing
a while ago after a few signs I suggested something and he said he just wanted to be friends’

So that’s your answer, he’s told you he doesn’t want anything other than friendship. Best you just remember this anytime you think otherwise. Hard as it is to face.

Have you read up on it?

I think this is the nail in the coffin - "I suggested something and he said he just wanted to be friends". That would have told me all I needed to know, but you seem to think differently?

I think you should find something or someone else to occupy your time - he's been clear and while actions speak louder than words, if he is acting at a variance to his words then you could be going down a dodgy path to take it as a crumb of comfort or a hopeful wish of a future that isn't promised.

There are other people out there OP - try and turn your focus to people outside of work?

Weird isn’t it!

OK - to get over it i'd think hard about how he's behaving.

Following and staring is very juvenile. That's not attractive. Has he ever been married/long term relationship? What happened?

Try very hard not to day dream/fantasise about him because you're projecting a persona onto him which isn't real.

He asked me to come over for dinner

then when I suggested it again he said he wants me to but just as friends if that’s ok

and that is ok x

Yes he was married
she cheated with a family member of his

Is it though? You want more than friendship. I think it's risky to go to dinner with someone who says they only want friendship when you want something more.

That's just a slippery slope to unrequited pain isn't it? Put some barriers in place.

Exactly this. I suspect he knows you like him and he is enjoying the attention. Just be work polite and casual no extra attention, then see if he suddenly changes his mind about just being friends.

I needed to hear these things

it’s silly really
and I feel really stupid

Does he have other female friends from work close enough to be asking back to his for dinner?

Is he a 'ladie's man'? Sits/chats easily with women. Or more of a man's man? (if that makes sense?!)