Page 8 | I hate having two kids

itwouldbefineif · 2025-04-14T17:15:21+00:00

Hate it. Hate it. All of my friends were one and done and I sort of wish I’d done the same. Except then I wouldn’t have one of them. It would be fine if I was a SAHM and I only had one at a time but I can’t do that.

ListenLinda · 14/04/2025 22:30

You’re in the trenches now OP, but it does get better. Mine have just gone 8 and 6 & while they do have their bickers, they are also best pals in ways that only siblings can be.
i watch them run upto each other at school pick up and hug each other after being apart all day like they’ve been seperated for month and it makes me smile. 5 minutes after getting home they are arguing, 5 minutes after that their playing roblox or drawing together.
its hard but its the best decision we made to have them close in age. You’re almost there too, stay positive 😊

SALaw · 14/04/2025 22:32

Every one of your pals has had only one child? That’s very unusual. Given the ages of your children and assuming some of your friends have similarly aged children, no doubt quite a few will have more. In my various groups of pals there’s only one with an only child.

Hercisback1 · 14/04/2025 22:33

CloverPyramid · 14/04/2025 22:28

Can your children not entertain themselves without always needing someone else there to entertain them? That’s quite a life skill they’re missing out on.

Parents of siblings who say it’s easier “because they entertain each other” are kidding themselves. We spend time at home and sometimes my son plays by himself happily and sometimes we play with him. We go out and he socialises with other children. Ridiculous to say that the small amount of extra time I spend playing with my only child is more effort than raising an entire second child 😂

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Yeah but I don't have to go out to get my child entertained with another child, I got one ready made here. Makes life much easier when it comes to getting stuff done. Ask any parent of 2 kids, having one kid for the day is tough, two kids sort themselves out. The peak is 4 kids, one playmate each of the right age. I don't see them apart from food requests!

CarlyCoffee · 14/04/2025 22:33

CloverPyramid · 14/04/2025 22:28

Can your children not entertain themselves without always needing someone else there to entertain them? That’s quite a life skill they’re missing out on.

Parents of siblings who say it’s easier “because they entertain each other” are kidding themselves. We spend time at home and sometimes my son plays by himself happily and sometimes we play with him. We go out and he socialises with other children. Ridiculous to say that the small amount of extra time I spend playing with my only child is more effort than raising an entire second child 😂

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Wow. Defensive, much?

Chungai · 14/04/2025 22:34

I relate OP. Mine are older now, almost teenagers and the bickering still does my head in. Those younger years were bleak and overwhelming (but it's true you'll look back and think how cute they were regardless). If you don't have a village and you have demanding or sensitive kids, it's fucking hard.

Advice I'd give to my younger self:

Wear earplugs (those ones that reduce / soften the noise). In the day when they are demanding of you, and in the morning when DH gets up with the DC.

Use telly / takeaways / easy meals etc if you need to to get some respite without a second of guilt. Hell, even a week of paper plates so there's no constant grind of washing up could help. Anything to make your life easier that you can think of - do it. Book a £39 room in a Premier Inn if you can afford it to have a proper lie in. Get a cleaner in for a one off clean.

Prioritise yourself. Make sure you (and DH) both get at least 2 hours of child free, work free time every weekend.

Get out of the house whenever you can ideally with other friends who get it.

Chungai · 14/04/2025 22:41

Marchitectmummy · 14/04/2025 22:24

Why are your children screaming crying and shouting? All children do occasionally but if this is daily something is going wrong and that's what you need to address rather than comparing with one child.

What are the catalysts to their behaviour? Tackle the cause.

Sometimes it's nature. My DC2 came out screaming and is the most sensitive child imaginable.

Combined with my older child whose personality is deeply incompatible with this - and who struggled from day 1 with having a sibling - and I don't think there's been a single day since DC2 was born 10 years ago without screaming, shouting or crying.

We've tried so many things, and we have even sought professional help. The only way to prevent it is to keep them separate, which is obviously close to impossible.

LoobyLou2709 · 14/04/2025 22:42

Trust me it’s worth it in the end!! I was feeling exactly the same as you when my two were that age! Now I’m sat on the beach on holiday with a cocktail watching my 2 play happily together in the sea, I'm so relaxed!!… whilst the people next to me have 1 child and the parents are being constantly nagged to go and play and go and swim and build sandcastles etc! 😂 (which I do love doing I’d like to add just not all day every day!) , mine are 10 and 12 tho so older, and they do fight like cat and dog at home though occasionally, but when the do get on it’s so lovely, also from an older perspective I’m so glad I have a brother, my parents have both been through a lot health wise in the last 12 months and I’m so glad I have a sibling as support, would hate to have done this alone,.. hang in there, you’re doing fantastic and it will be worth it! x

Twinkletoes10 · 14/04/2025 22:42

Waterlilysunset · 14/04/2025 22:24

TBH I was willing to give benefit of the doubt and presume it’s a new poster.

but the info is the same, the tone of voice is the same but most tellingly the complete disregard for any advice and the barriers to any solutions is the same. The moaning, the martyrdom, the acting like none of us replying have ever had children or have children.

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Thank you, I'm glad I'm not the only one who remembers. I felt the rath of that op previously. It's awful to see someone struggle but why come down so hard on others who are only trying to help & support you? And to say you 'hate' being a mother of two is worrying. It's not a nice way of expressing frustration.

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 14/04/2025 22:42

CloverPyramid · 14/04/2025 22:28

Can your children not entertain themselves without always needing someone else there to entertain them? That’s quite a life skill they’re missing out on.

Parents of siblings who say it’s easier “because they entertain each other” are kidding themselves. We spend time at home and sometimes my son plays by himself happily and sometimes we play with him. We go out and he socialises with other children. Ridiculous to say that the small amount of extra time I spend playing with my only child is more effort than raising an entire second child 😂

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How do you know that seeing as you only have one? Most children will play on their own for a bit but they enjoy company. I doubt very much anyone is "missing out on a life skill"!!

I found two easier - mine were close in age so they became a 'job lot', having baths together, going to bed together, doing activities together. They entertained each other a lot of the time.

Have an only child if you want - no need to be so defensive!

bookworm14 · 14/04/2025 22:44

This thread has been posted at least once before, almost word for word. It attracted the usual tedious only child-bashing that time as well. Starting to wonder if it’s someone deliberately trying to provoke this reaction.

bookworm14 · 14/04/2025 22:46

Have an only child if you want - no need to be so defensive!

I can’t imagine why parents of one child would be defensive. We just love being told constantly how shit our children’s lives must be.

CowboyJoanna · 14/04/2025 22:47

OP, have you been tested for postnatal depression? The way you speak about your children is quite concerning

amele · 14/04/2025 22:47

And that’s why some ppl don’t deserve children. Be grateful before something bad happens and then you’ll regret feeling this way

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 14/04/2025 22:52

bookworm14 · 14/04/2025 22:46

Have an only child if you want - no need to be so defensive!

I can’t imagine why parents of one child would be defensive. We just love being told constantly how shit our children’s lives must be.

Well you know it's not true, why let it get to you? That poster was particularly defensive and I'm not the only one who noticed that.

Gremlins101 · 14/04/2025 22:53

Hi I also found it a bit tough going from 1 to 2 children, but now they are just 5 and just 3 and I find that for the last few months they completely entertain each other and it's lovely. Hopefully your two will get there soon!

SquidgibleDirigible · 14/04/2025 22:56

Up until quite recently I always said I could cope with 1.5 kids but 2 pushed me over the edge. Mine are 19 months apart and the first few years were fucking awful. They are now 12 and 13 and a joy. Has been manageable for a few years. They still fight and there are ups and downs but they are interesting to talk to, funny, can keep themselves relatively amused, and aren't agents of chaos. Primary school is when it gets better. Hang in there. You are not alone in finding this hard.

LovelySG · 14/04/2025 22:57

I am an only child and have always hated it.
Your children may well be really grateful to have each other - especially, one day, when you are gone.

morningtoncrescent62 · 14/04/2025 22:58

I have two, OP, now in their 30s! I wasn't particularly good at toddlerhood, I found it the hardest stage. Mine are 18 months apart, and having a toddler and a preschooler at the same time nearly drove me out of my mind and I wondered why on earth I'd thought two children were a good idea. Things got a lot easier when my oldest started school. By the time they were both at school I was really happy to have the two of them to play together and look out for each other. I'd say hang on in there, it gets better.

Humpsr · 14/04/2025 23:00

When its hard its very very hard OP.
You will get through it, but I don't doubt you will not regret them getting a bit bigger.

It is sad that for so many women, particularly those working full-time that it can be a very relentlessly hard lonely time, of constant juggling, little sleep and high stress.

I feel very sorry for you.
Be kind to yourself and aim for good enough parenting.
Don't waste your precious energy on guilt, it changes nothing.

rightinthedavinamccalls · 14/04/2025 23:00

Hercisback1 · 14/04/2025 22:33

Yeah but I don't have to go out to get my child entertained with another child, I got one ready made here. Makes life much easier when it comes to getting stuff done. Ask any parent of 2 kids, having one kid for the day is tough, two kids sort themselves out. The peak is 4 kids, one playmate each of the right age. I don't see them apart from food requests!

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I didn't have to go out to entertain my only child either. I spent time with her until she was at an age she could entertain herself (as anyone does with their first child). After that she'd go out and play with kids in the estate, had friends/cousins over/sleepovers. She'd also go to them for sleepovers.

converseandjeans · 14/04/2025 23:01

itwouldbefineif · 14/04/2025 19:13

I don’t know if there was a similar one but it wasn’t me.

It probably isn’t all that uncommon.

I really hope it gets easier. I enjoy them individually but I hate them together.

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Would it not be better to tag team with DH & have both together so you can take turns to get some down time? I think those ages are hard work.

rightinthedavinamccalls · 14/04/2025 23:08

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 14/04/2025 22:42

How do you know that seeing as you only have one? Most children will play on their own for a bit but they enjoy company. I doubt very much anyone is "missing out on a life skill"!!

I found two easier - mine were close in age so they became a 'job lot', having baths together, going to bed together, doing activities together. They entertained each other a lot of the time.

Have an only child if you want - no need to be so defensive!

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I'm a bit confused about your post. Why are you assuming that only children don't see or socialise with other children?

FairlyTired · 14/04/2025 23:11

Why can't you manage 2 of them alone? If they argue just separate them until theyre over it, but if they're in childcare all week then the weekends they're separated you're not really allowing them time to bond and learn to deal with sibling conflict like in a typical family.
Start taking them out alone together, once you get over the idea of it it'll be fine. If they're not used to doing things it may take them some time, but the only way they'll learn is to experience things

ACynicalDad · 14/04/2025 23:13

Ours need less effort now than single kids I know, give it a couple more years.

OH45whisper · 14/04/2025 23:15

Thank you for being so thoughtful I appreciate it.