To think women who earn more than their partners secretly resent them?

[DeepNewt]

No matter what they say.

I do not resent my partner, who earns less than I do.

He fully contributes to household tasks, however.

No, they don't. Have a great day.

What makes you think that?

Of course not. He does 90% of the grunt work without being asked and I have financial security should anything ever go wrong. If anything I would resent being financially beholden to a partner, actually.

Nahhh, I think this is a you thing not a woman thing.

I have out-earned, under-earned and equally earned my husband and the only difference it made was the value of the wage being paid into the account 🤷‍♀️

No, I can confidently say I don't.

On the other hand, I have unfortunately had the experience of having lower earning men resenting that I make more than them.

Luckily there are also decent secure men who celebrate their partner's success and don't resent it.

Maybe some, but certainly not all.
I earn more than mine but he pulls more than his weight with cooking and cleaning.

I never did. Never thought it terms of mine or his.

I earn about four times more than mine and I don’t even think about it, never mind resent it.

If I did all the parenting AND had a more demanding job, I’d resent that. Theoretical in this case as we don’t have kids. Partly because I never wanted to feel beholden to a man whilst on mat leave or when my career was impacted.

I earn twice as much as my DP and have never resented it, why would I??

Just personal observation really… convos I’ve overheard, comments friends have made, even subtle things like passive-aggressive jokes or little digs that seem to come out when money and power dynamics shift.

I’m not saying every woman feels this way or that it’s always conscious but I do think in some cases, when traditional roles are flipped, resentment builds… especially if the emotional load isn’t equal either.

It’s less about income and more about how income changes the balance of respect, attraction or expectations in a relationship.

I didn’t. But he brought significant assets to the marriage that I didn’t so it felt like it evened out

I've usually been the higher earner ... Never given it a second thought?

Absolutely not. We earn about the same but I brought significant assets to our marriage which has allowed us a certain lifestyle. No resentment on my side. We are a team, we work hard and support each other fully.

Nope.

I'd imagine they do if their partners still expect them to do the lions share of domestics and childcare, and act like their job is the most important and difficult thing in the world while their partners is easy because its done in an office, which I have observed to be the case in some relationships where the woman is the higher earner. Interestingly also that the man often resents her. Putting her success down to luck, falling on her feet and so on. If a man treats his higher earning partner as an equal, does his share and supports her properly in her work I don't see why she would resent him.

I wouldn’t have actively chosen to date a man or woman in a poorly paid job with no prospects or ambition, because I enjoy a particular lifestyle and wouldn’t have wanted to either forgo that or feel as though I was financially carrying a partner - which I would have resented. But I’ve never resented partners with decent incomes which just happened to be less than mine.

I think most people who earn more probably resent the other, they feel they’re carrying the load etc etc, they don’t understand the pressure of earning so much less and feeling you have freedom to spend if something bigger comes up

It’s always fascinating to watch the mental gymnastics of someone trying to convince herself that her own personal issue is a universal.

Nope. Never have, never will. Most of my friends out earn their husbands, I've never heard even a smidge of resentment about this. I really don't think this is common OP.

No, we’ve had times I earn higher… not since the kids mind!

Never an issue for me. I think DH found it hard due to ridiculous societal notions about men needing to earn more than women.

Definitely not me. I earn about twice as much as DH now but I would never have got to where I am without his support. We share household stuff fairly so no resentment there.

We're a team and anything we achieve is because we support each other. It sounds a bit saccharine but it's worked for us for 30 years.

No. He used to earn more than me. Now I earn £20k more than him. I had the opportunity to retrain and gain promotion. I’m on £70k and he is on £50k. Of course I don’t resent him.

I earn a lot more than DH. I don’t resent him at all. He does pull his weight at home though, and with our children, and he’s massively supportive of my career. Perhaps that makes a difference. I love the bones of him, too.

It’s less about income and more about how income changes the balance of respect, attraction or expectations in a relationship

What now?? Now we don’t find our partners attractive because we happen to work in a sector that pays more than his?! Ridiculous.