To think women who earn more than their partners secretly resent them?

[DeepNewt]

No matter what they say.

Nah, that's bollocks. He didn't resent me when I earned less, why would I resent him now I earn more?

The issue in those cases are people not pulling their weight, money has nothing to do with it. You see it all the time on here with women who are the lower earners but are resentful because their DH thinks all they need to do is earn the higher wage.

I guess there is always some disparity in earnings. I suspect a relationship where both earn roughly the same is uncommon. Why do you say - Women - rather than - people who earn more... - why the focus on women?

I’ve known a few women who absolutely won’t date men who earn less than them. I don’t think it’s that uncommon.

Not even a little bit. Cannot imagine why you would. We both work hard for 40hrs a week and have always pooled resources. We started off on same wages but I’ve been promoted a couple of times now but he’s not on peanuts and works really hard. Our jobs both work well for us.

I didn’t resent my husband earning less until I found out he turned down a promotion which would have taken the financial pressure off of me. He never even discussed it

Nope.

They resent the invisible workload at home that falls on her shoulders regardless.

I said “women” rather than “people who earn more” because I think there’s often a unique tension that comes up when traditional gender roles are reversed, especially in heterosexual relationships where the man is expected (socially or internally) to be the higher earner or provider.

I don’t think it’s only women who feel this kind of tension or resentment but I do think some women - even ones who are very successful and progressive - can quietly struggle with being the financial lead in a relationship, especially if it comes with feeling unsupported in other ways too.

The emotional and societal baggage around gender and money is real and that’s why I framed it that way.

I suspect a man who posted about his OH turning down a promotion without discussing it with him would get very short shrift on here.

I earn more than twice as much as mine but he supported me through a masters degree and was the sole earner for 5 years while I was a SAHM so I hardly think he’s the freeloader of the century.

I earn more than my DH never an issue. He probably works harder than me and def does more than his share in the house, not that it matters. We are a partnership.

This. We’ve each earned more, less, equal, and each had periods of no income (both unemployment and temporary unpaid leave periods). It’s a partnership.

@DeepNewt ok. But I think you are playing into the social stereotypes there. I think anyone who doesn't think their partner doesn't pulls their weight in whatever way (money, tasks) might feel resentful.

Hell's teeth, has the country been covered in some daft gas today? We've had some ridiculously bonkers threads!

I don't think so. I've seen a lot of women resent thier partner for not pulling thier weight at home in terms of mental load, cleaning, cooking, childcare. But not really in terms of disparity in earnings.

No not at all. I earn marginally more than dp and have more earning potential in the long run. I don't resent it.

He works just as hard as I do. He does more than 50/50 share at home, we have a mutual respect for each other and it has nothing to do with how much we contribute to the joint account.

I earn more than my husband. He's in a job which he adores and he's home early afternoon to look after our son.

Being resentful has never once crossed my mind 😳

my earnings are double his but I don’t resent that. He has health issues and if he could earn more he would.

No. In fact I actively prefer it because I like the power that comes with knowing I don’t need his financial contribution to live the life I want and if the relationship went sour I could kick him out of my (solely owned by me) flat. But I actively hate and strive to challenge anything related to traditional gender roles.

I'm a teacher and earn more than dh, which doesn't seem to be the norm. We've earned various amounts over the years, occasionally the same amount. I earn about 10k more than him at the minute. I've never resented him when he earns less, because I know he's constantly looking for ways to progress (and we're now late 40s/ early 50s). He's also a proper equal at home.

I do resent him having evenings and weekends off. But then, I'd feel the same if I were married to a PE teacher😉(Don't throw balls at me, I'm only joking. Solidarity and that. )

What a strange question. Do you feel it some sort of natural state that men should earn more than women?

What the fuck

No

I am pleased my salary means he is able to stay in a fulfilling socially useful low paid job

My sis constantly goes on about earning more than her H, so if her H does resent it it’s because of this rather than anything else.

I don’t resent my DH. Obviously it would be nice if he earned more, but lots of things would be nice!

He works for a small company who are super flexible, shares the load and does all the cooking.