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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Engagement ring

473 replies

mulberrybeige · 14/04/2025 16:32

I got engaged to an man 18 months ago and was lucky enough to be in reciept of a nice engagement ring. Since then I have had a several friends make continual comments about the size of the ring.

My own mother could not believe someone would consider buying it for me, ‘it must be a family ring’. She said she felt her own engagement ring was spectacular but felt deflated upon seeing mines. Another friend just bursts out laughing every time she sees it. I had another one tell me it makes me look like a drag queen. One suggested I did not wear it to work - as it could make people uncomfortable (I ran this one past a couple of friends who said my ring was no more blingy than theirs and thought it was ridiculous).

These comments are from the same people who mocked me in various ways as a thirties single cat lady career woman. I swear they all thought I was ‘on the shelf’ and my only chance for success in romance would be to panic and marry the first man who asked me. In the end I did not panic at all and eventually met a lovely, man who matches me career wise, finacially and ambition wise. I met him through friends and it was all very natural.

The ring matches what we both could easily afford and is in no way ostentacious. I am honestly starting to think their reaction is more to do with the fact I got engaged at all, rather than the ring itself. Its fucking disappointing really that I feel people cannot be happy for me. I just feel instinctively people are trying to ‘burst my bubble’.

YANBU - These people are just jealous / have their own issues
YABU - You should not wear the engagement ring in public just the plain wedding band

OP posts:
Thread gallery
11
TinyFlamingo · 15/04/2025 10:43

Haters going to hate.

The only opinion that matters is yours and you love it.

Also the bullying and nastiness says more about who they are than your ring. They aren't your people. They should celebrate you.

AgingWellThankYou · 15/04/2025 10:45

mulberrybeige · 14/04/2025 17:57

Here you go - be kind 😂

That is a lovely ring - classical, clean design. Congratulations on finding someone great and having a lovely piece of jewelry to celebrate.

I am sorry some people in your life can’t be happy for you. I think other posters were probably right that they were already jealous of your success and now they can’t feel superior in this one area.

it is a sad realization, but don’t let it ruin this moment.

MrsLavs · 15/04/2025 10:45

mulberrybeige · 14/04/2025 17:57

Here you go - be kind 😂

Oh this is absolutely beautiful and has 100% confirmed that it is nothing but jealously from those awful people in your life! This ring was made to be worn! Never take it off and every time someone says something rude or downright sarky I'd say "well I absolutely love it, big diamonds aren't for everybody I suppose" and throw them a withering look 🤣

EMUKE · 15/04/2025 10:48

Go live your happy ever after shine as bright as your diamond and screw any negative attention! Iv seen first hand how nasty people can be. Truth is they probs assumed you would be the odd one out and live a spinster’s life with the cats. How shocked are they that actually you have it all. Please don’t be ashamed of it! Wear it proudly and the only time you shouldn’t wear it is if you likely to get mugged! Be happy x it’s beautiful btw!

SamDeanCas · 15/04/2025 10:49

Well I think it’s a gorgeous ring and I’m very jealous Grin but in a good, non toxic way.

I think you need to step back from those that are causing you to post. Or just be very blunt and tell them they are being rude, but you don’t care because you love your ring.

JustADayDreamBeliever · 15/04/2025 10:49

mulberrybeige · 14/04/2025 17:57

Here you go - be kind 😂

That's a lovely ring, it isn't ostentatious, over the top or in your face. In fact I would consider it classic and pretty.
When other people are jealous of something you have in your life they are mean. You'd think we would grow out of it as we leave school, but unfortunately a lot of people don't. I'm sorry something so special and magical is ruined by unkind and unnecessary comments.
They'll have envious of your career/salary depending on how you look at it and consoled themselves with the fact they have partners/children etc and you didn't. Now you have a partner and are in a happy committed relationship with an equal they need to burst your bubble to make themselves feel better. It sucks, and I'm sorry you have to deal with it.

There's 2 ways you could handle it in my eyes

  1. when people make a comment about the size or making others uncomfortable or whatever other ridiculousness they come out with reply "oh you think? It was comfortably within our budget, upside of having good careers before getting married I suppose" and laugh it off.
  2. when they make comments, call them out. "Now now, no need to be jealous, I know it's beautiful and I am very lucky" they can argue they aren't jealous if they like, but a smirk, an eye roll and a laugh with a dismissive "sure" should stop it. They have gotten away with being bithy, I now find as an adult, call them out on it and remark to thinking everyone has left school usually works and makes people feel a bit pants.

As for your Mum, I'd have been honest straight away and said to her ouch, couldn't you have just told me it was beautiful and congratulate me on having something so lovely. Call her out, but not in a mean way. Unfortunately Mums aren't above being mean or not thinking before they speak, but it isn't always meant to be malicious.

Don't let other people dull your sparkle or ruin this for you. 💖 Congratulations 💖

Horserider5678 · 15/04/2025 10:49

legsekeven · 15/04/2025 08:34

Especially as she had such a famously unhappy marriage

Show quote history

And it’s not the most attractive ring!

Bonbon249 · 15/04/2025 10:51

Some of your friends have clearly never had Thumper's momma quoted to them 'Momma says if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all'. As for your Mum, what in the world is wrong with her? She should be delighted for you, not commenting on your ring, apart from saying 'That's lovely'. Ugh, ignore the lot of them, congratulations and remember, have your wedding however you and your fiance want as I'm sure that lot will have plenty to say about it!

olympicsrock · 15/04/2025 10:52

Wow! What a stunning ring . Simple but spectacular. lucky you!

Any true friends will be pleased for you.

If at all possible have it fitted snug and NEVER take it off. Be warned that your finger will shrink in cold water, making the ring looser.

Mine is 1 carat and high clarity so a valuable ring . I have lost it several times over 16 years, once for a year… eek!

OneCalmRobin · 15/04/2025 11:01

It’s a lovely ring. I’m always amazed at the jealousy of some people. You just have to try and cut these people out of your lives. Or in the case of your family, small doses.

Phobiaphobic · 15/04/2025 11:04

It's an extremely ugly trait in a mother to compete with her own daughter.

hobbcat · 15/04/2025 11:07

A beautiful ring. Congratulations and wear it with pride. Time for new friends x

Phobiaphobic · 15/04/2025 11:08

MoominMai · 14/04/2025 19:09

Firstly your ring is a beautiful classic! Secondly, did you know there is a word to describe all this. Unfortunately I’ve suffered at its hands also, most depressingly from my own mother and sister. It’s called schadenfreude. A German word meaning damage-joy. It describes the pleasure of satisfaction derived from the misfortune of others. A common experience for many unfortunately though generally seen as a darker aspect of human nature. Your seemingly unfortunate love life was essentially these mean girls source of schadenfreude and now you’ve taken it away and are in a happier place, they obviously are struggling to adapt to this changed dynamic and clutching at anything related to it to cling onto the ability to make you feel bad, hence the derogatory comments of your ring. It’s like my sister when me Miss Mousy Housebound career girl 😅 became engaged she’d say things like “my friend can’t believe you’re engaged” lol. Anyway, your happiness still comes through and wishing you and your OH all the best!

Edited
Show quote history

It isn't schadenfreude because nothing bad has happened to OP. It's just old fashioned jealousy with a side dish of bitchiness.

Jinkslinger · 15/04/2025 11:09

Oh dear you do have some nasty jealous people in your life. Enjoy your engagement and your ring and wear it with pride as long as it isn’t going to get you mugged or you are gardening or baking. Once you are married you can wear it as you choose. My mother after a while tended to wear her eternity ring instead just because her ring had a bulky setting but that was her choice. Some people just have to carp. Mum loved her ring which was sapphires and diamond and Dad’s mum who was horrible to her often said “ pity it isn’t all diamonds”.

SatsumaDog · 15/04/2025 11:10

The only appropriate thing to say about someone else’s engagement ring is ‘congratulations, it looks gorgeous on you’. Whether you personally like it or not is irrelevant. It wasn’t given to you and isn’t on your finger!

Ignore the comments op. They are sour and snack of jealousy.

blenny23 · 15/04/2025 11:12

These people are not your friends. They sound incredibly jealous. And even if your ring IS big and blingy, so what?! It’s not up to them to decide what you get to wear and when. Ignore them, keep wearing your beautiful engagement ring, and consider dropping them from your life. I expect you’ll find you’re a lot happier!

ETA - I’ve just seen the photo of your ring and it’s lovely, I don’t see why they are making such a fuss, it honestly sounds like jealousy and envy.

Nomsdeplume · 15/04/2025 11:12

mulberrybeige · 14/04/2025 20:32

5c

Wow! That is absolutely beautiful. Definitely jealously.

MoominMai · 15/04/2025 11:13

Phobiaphobic · 15/04/2025 11:08

It isn't schadenfreude because nothing bad has happened to OP. It's just old fashioned jealousy with a side dish of bitchiness.

Show quote history

They derived pleasure from what they interpreted as misfortune in OP’s love life as she said so it actually is.

Jinkslinger · 15/04/2025 11:18

Ring is very simple though with what my friend calls a F off diamond (she was telling me how her gran insisted on an upgrade when husband became successful). I would have a baguette diamond eternity ring as a wedding band and watch them explode with jealousy. Hope you have a lovely wedding with people who really like you and a happy life.

TeaAndTattoos · 15/04/2025 11:19

mulberrybeige · 14/04/2025 17:57

Here you go - be kind 😂

Oh that’s a lovely ring honestly if it was me just knowing that it makes people more jealous than a bald drag queen at a wig sale I would wear that ring everywhere I went just to really upset the bitter betty’s the problem isn’t the ring it’s the fact that you of all people not only found a great partner but also got engaged it was ok when you where the career driven cat lady but now that your happy and found someone who makes you happy they no longer are because that wasn’t supposed to happen. So wear that ring and cut off the nasty people because it will only get worse.

pimplebum · 15/04/2025 11:21

Well…. I need to see the ring before I pass judgement

your friend and mum are nasty and you need to ditch them

MatriarchCaz · 15/04/2025 11:23

pimplebum · 15/04/2025 11:21

Well…. I need to see the ring before I pass judgement

your friend and mum are nasty and you need to ditch them

She has posted 2 pics, one a store pic and one on her finger (they dont look the same ring though)

Lastgig · 15/04/2025 11:28

I love the ring. I had an upgrade after thirteen years.
We owned a massive house and had plenty of friends. We sold it when my mum died and I had a new baby. Some still talk about how we lost our shirt! Bastards.
We moved two years ago to a different location and no one knows our business. It's bliss.
I've come into some money through a company sale and I'm going to enjoy the gobsmacked expressions from people who have made me feel like s*it since the crash. We lost a lot then but through hard work it's paid off. I might get myself another upgrade 😁

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 15/04/2025 11:31

Nobody needs to see the ring in order to pass judgement. It’s nobody else’s business.
OP, just enjoy your relationship.
And just for the record, I chose a ‘dress’ ring of my mum’s which she passed down to me instead of buying a ring. It’s as naff as anything, it doesn’t suit me, it doesn’t go with anything I wear but there is a story behind it which I love. People do comment about it not being my style, and I don’t give a toss.

If you are happy then that is all that matters.

TriagePriority · 15/04/2025 11:34

Oh come on @mulberrybeigeif you have the ability to totally ignore the posts pointing out that the hand photo shows a completely different ring (and how) to your stock photo, I’m sure you have the ability to ignore people successfully in RL. I admire your effrontery in attempting to style that a
level of awkwardness out at least! I really though you’d try and say it was customised or yours in the process of being upgraded to that or it was just an example ring…

Bit depressing people aren’t reading all the thread, or even just OP’s posts though if they can’t be bothered to RTFT.