Engagement ring

[mulberrybeige]

I got engaged to an man 18 months ago and was lucky enough to be in reciept of a nice engagement ring. Since then I have had a several friends make continual comments about the size of the ring.

My own mother could not believe someone would consider buying it for me, ‘it must be a family ring’. She said she felt her own engagement ring was spectacular but felt deflated upon seeing mines. Another friend just bursts out laughing every time she sees it. I had another one tell me it makes me look like a drag queen. One suggested I did not wear it to work - as it could make people uncomfortable (I ran this one past a couple of friends who said my ring was no more blingy than theirs and thought it was ridiculous).

These comments are from the same people who mocked me in various ways as a thirties single cat lady career woman. I swear they all thought I was ‘on the shelf’ and my only chance for success in romance would be to panic and marry the first man who asked me. In the end I did not panic at all and eventually met a lovely, man who matches me career wise, finacially and ambition wise. I met him through friends and it was all very natural.

The ring matches what we both could easily afford and is in no way ostentacious. I am honestly starting to think their reaction is more to do with the fact I got engaged at all, rather than the ring itself. Its fucking disappointing really that I feel people cannot be happy for me. I just feel instinctively people are trying to ‘burst my bubble’.

YANBU - These people are just jealous / have their own issues
YABU - You should not wear the engagement ring in public just the plain wedding band

The only thing that matters OP is do you like it?

What I would want or anyone else would want is irrelevant.

The Princess of Wales has her dead mother in law's engagement ring. I would hate that personally.

It's a beautiful ring OP in a classic style. I got engaged then married in my mid 40's. I found a few people didn't like it when I found my voice and made my own choices about my wedding after years of just going along with things as I was the single one.

Especially as she had such a famously unhappy marriage

I’m seeing a lot of big diamonds lately.

Unless I know the wearer is seriously wealthy or a celeb I just assume it’s a lab created diamond.

I still wouldn’t say anything derogatory though, no matter what, that’s just rude and unnecessary.

The Princess of Wales has her dead mother in law's engagement ring. I would hate that personally.

Me too. Plus Kate’s ring is absolutely gopping. Not to mention it came from a really unhappy marriage. I bet Kate would’ve preferred a fuck off diamond like her sister got.

My mum managed to snark at me about being a cat lady whilst I was playing with my baby! Apparently it wasn't even good enough that I now had a baby, I had to be criticised for having not had one sooner.

(That's before you even consider if I had struggled for a baby etc rather than choosing to have one later.)

Exactly my thought. OP, think seriously about why you seem to be surrounded by people who are ostentatiously unpleasant to you, and apparently think you can be insulted with no consequences.

Great jewellers and beautiful ring. They are clearly jealous. Congratulations to you OP, ignore and enjoy wearing your lovely ring.

I don’t know why anyone would buy anything other than a lab grown diamond these days. I wish they were such good quality and so cheap when I bought my jewellery. I paid an excess to make sure I was buying diamonds from reputable sources (non conflict and mined and produced responsibly) If I’d had the choice to buy a lab grown diamond I could have saved myself thousands and thousands.

There is a reason the value of naturally mined diamonds is struggling and as the lab grown market keeps increasing then the value of naturally mined diamonds is only going to decrease further. I LOVE my diamonds and I have never seen them as an investment but it’s annoying that I spent so much on them .

A further annoyance is the fact my insurer will only insure them for like for like where I’d be happy to insure them for the value of lab-grown equivalents as it would save me hundreds (thousands?, maybe) in insurance

Labs and moissanite (sp?) apparently.

So spot on, so well written.

Thanks everyone for all the supportive comments, it really has opened my eyes to the toxicity surrounding me and how I have allowed it to continue for so long. Many of these people have ‘let me down’ before, certaintly a self esteem issue that needs working through.

Sorry you have expierenced this. My mum is the same sadly.

Yep it wasn't even redesigned.

I can understand the sentimental value but I'd be asking for a rework at the very least.

Maybe people aren’t jealous and just don’t like the ring. May also think it’s ridiculous to spend that much on jewellery that wont hold its value.

Firstly, huge congratulations on your engagement!!!

Secondly, wow, what a beautiful ring, I’m sure it looks wonderful on you.

These people are not nice. I don’t think it’s necessarily jealousy as such. I think they liked looking down on you for your single status and now they can’t. They’re trying to hang onto their sense of superiority by belittling your good news. You know what they’re like now so just discreetly pull away from them and give your time and attention to people who will genuinely celebrate with you.

RhododendronFlowers, unfortunately one, I didn't actually like the ruby ring and stupidly got pregnant at 18, married him (no option in the 60s,) he was a nasty violent controling, psychopath, and gay to boot!

Hilarious, ths is exactly the kind of snark this thread is about. Why do you give the slightest crap what someone else chooses for an engagement ring? The woman has a mind of her own. It's a personal thing and it's got nothing to do with you.

Jeez, and people wonder why I reject marriage and symbolic rings (without judging others who don't).

Seriously what is your problem with @mulberrybeige??

Maybe just stay off this thread if it is bothering you that much!

Except that when she's queen she'll have more fuck off diamonds than she'll know what to do with.....

It's hilarious just how gullible people are!
But you are correct, I have much better things to do - toodaloo!

10/10 for how you're styling this out OP 😬

Wow, that's a big rock! Beautiful. They're just really jealous. Remember that when you hear any snark.

They don’t sound like very nice people to have in your life. That stuff about you being a “cat lady” and “on the shelf”! It’s not the 1950s! Take a step back from them and engage in activities where you can meet people with a more positive outlook. Oh and yes, wear your ring!