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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Engagement ring

473 replies

mulberrybeige · 14/04/2025 16:32

I got engaged to an man 18 months ago and was lucky enough to be in reciept of a nice engagement ring. Since then I have had a several friends make continual comments about the size of the ring.

My own mother could not believe someone would consider buying it for me, ‘it must be a family ring’. She said she felt her own engagement ring was spectacular but felt deflated upon seeing mines. Another friend just bursts out laughing every time she sees it. I had another one tell me it makes me look like a drag queen. One suggested I did not wear it to work - as it could make people uncomfortable (I ran this one past a couple of friends who said my ring was no more blingy than theirs and thought it was ridiculous).

These comments are from the same people who mocked me in various ways as a thirties single cat lady career woman. I swear they all thought I was ‘on the shelf’ and my only chance for success in romance would be to panic and marry the first man who asked me. In the end I did not panic at all and eventually met a lovely, man who matches me career wise, finacially and ambition wise. I met him through friends and it was all very natural.

The ring matches what we both could easily afford and is in no way ostentacious. I am honestly starting to think their reaction is more to do with the fact I got engaged at all, rather than the ring itself. Its fucking disappointing really that I feel people cannot be happy for me. I just feel instinctively people are trying to ‘burst my bubble’.

YANBU - These people are just jealous / have their own issues
YABU - You should not wear the engagement ring in public just the plain wedding band

OP posts:
Thread gallery
11
LadyGAgain · 15/04/2025 00:06

Stunning ring (not that that matters actually). I wish you a very long and happy marriage together. Haters are always gonna hate. Now I’m in my 40’s I’ve learned to walk away from those and to embrace happiness without their criticism or negativity.

NattyTurtle59 · 15/04/2025 00:09

They are jealous, pure and simple. Ignore them OP, people like that don't deserve to live in your head. You like the ring, and that is all that matters. Oh, and I would be stepping back from these "friends". None of my friends would dream of being so rude. Life is too short to want to be around people like that.

NattyTurtle59 · 15/04/2025 00:10

Oh, I've just seen the ring. It's gorgeous, and really suits your hand. Wear it with pride.

Wingingitbestican · 15/04/2025 00:14

mulberrybeige · 14/04/2025 17:57

Here you go - be kind 😂

Gorgeous ring !

Codlingmoths · 15/04/2025 00:21

Screw them, it’s a lovely ring and you sound great. Do you need help with replies?? I find an airily smug yes I’m so lucky, I just wish everyone in the world could be as happy as I am leaves them spluttering. Much better than a self deprecating response.
as for the it’s not an engagement ring comment, if that happens again a bemused look- what do you mean?? It’s a very classic engagement ring style, you have multiple engagement rings lying around? Each to their own I suppose.

or a midly amused ‘isn’t taste interesting! Me, I love this ring.’

APocketFullOfRye · 15/04/2025 00:23

Hankunamatata · 14/04/2025 23:15

It's way ott and ostentatious for me but I'm not wearing it.

I think I would have said its lovely and wow its big then got on with my life.

Show quote history

Agree.
Im not sure why people comment unless they specifically ask to see the engagement ring ( I don’t recall many asking me, but I’ve never worked with many women )

YANBU - I disagree
YABU - I disagree.

Surely OP you can do whatever you like, why would you not wear it. Do you own thing!
What you wear is no one else’s business

SansaStark90 · 15/04/2025 00:32

notgettinganyyounger · 14/04/2025 20:58

Those are 2 different rings

Right? The pic has a six claw setting. This on the hand has four. Which is unusual for a large solitaire cut.

APocketFullOfRye · 15/04/2025 00:36

SansaStark90 · 15/04/2025 00:32

Right? The pic has a six claw setting. This on the hand has four. Which is unusual for a large solitaire cut.

Show quote history

Is it unusual ? This one has four claws …..

Engagement ring
user109876543 · 15/04/2025 00:52

APocketFullOfRye · 15/04/2025 00:36

Is it unusual ? This one has four claws …..

Show quote history

It's not unheard of, but the one you posted is a lab diamond. I've never seen a 5 carat natural diamond with only 4 prongs (and the ones on the OP's hand look like worryingly insecure ones at that) due to the value.

That doesn't mean the OP is lying, but it does mean it's highly highly highly unlikely to be the Pagnell ring posted earlier, and if it is a real mined 5c diamond, she should get it into a more secure setting.

There are certainly places that make poor settings, so anything's possible.

Fi970 · 15/04/2025 00:53

85reasons · 14/04/2025 20:41

I'm shocked that you think this ring is "in no way ostentatious" - come on now, it's bigger than almost any ring anyone will ever see anyone wearing. The fact that you insist on describing it as "in no way ostentatious" probably reveals what the problem is here.

Yeah, I wouldn’t say it’s not ostentatious. It definitely cost more than a terraced house in many parts of the UK. 🙈

And I’m definitely not jealous if anyone thinks that’s the case. I’ve got a 4 carat natural diamond engagement ring myself. On the occasions I do wear it, I tend to put my right hand over my left when on my lap and when I got the “Woah! That’s big!” comments from close friends when newly engaged I was a bit sheepish and embarrassed if anything. I’d never have said it’s not ostentatious. Even with a carat less than yours (not that 4 is small!), my ring is very much so.

But congratulations OP! I think it’s a lovely ring. Make sure it’s insured! 😅 I’m sure it is.

Skinthin · 15/04/2025 00:57

Yeah, I wouldn’t say it’s not ostentatious. It definitely cost more than a terraced house in many parts of the UK. 🙈

this would be the correct take if this were real.

DiaryofaProvincialLady · 15/04/2025 01:08

MerlinsBeard1 · 14/04/2025 19:42

I get the vibe this is a stealth bragging post.

The ring is obviously lovely, a big old solitaire is a timeless classic.

Meh, its only £153k..

APocketFullOfRye · 15/04/2025 01:15

user109876543 · 15/04/2025 00:52

It's not unheard of, but the one you posted is a lab diamond. I've never seen a 5 carat natural diamond with only 4 prongs (and the ones on the OP's hand look like worryingly insecure ones at that) due to the value.

That doesn't mean the OP is lying, but it does mean it's highly highly highly unlikely to be the Pagnell ring posted earlier, and if it is a real mined 5c diamond, she should get it into a more secure setting.

There are certainly places that make poor settings, so anything's possible.

Edited
Show quote history

I didn’t know that was a lab diamond I posted tbh 🥴
agree OPs two images aren’t of the same ring

PicklesMacGraw · 15/04/2025 01:19

Stunning ring but why wouldn’t you get a lab grown diamond. They cost a fraction of the cost and is a real diamond. I have natural diamonds but will only buy lab grown now. I’ve seen a beautiful pink 4 carat square cut diamond and it’s under £6k.

Namechangefordaughterevasion · 15/04/2025 01:22

They are jealous and trying to keep you in the box they had assigned to you.

For a 'big' birthday my husband bought me a stonking great, one off, designer diamond ring I had been admiring for over a year in a jewellers window.

Most of my friends and family were openly admiring and honest about being utterly green with envy. My adult DDs have lengthy debates about which of them will get it when I die!! Only one person was disparaging - with a curl of her lip she sneered ' it's so big, it doesn't even look real.' To which I replied ' No, it looks like I got it out of a cracker doesn't it'. And changed the subject.

Funnily enough this 'friend' ghosted me and the rest of our friendship group of nearly 30 years not long after. For a long time she had been the wealthy one with the big house and nice things and I think she couldn't cope with the rest of us catching up.

PicklesMacGraw · 15/04/2025 01:27

I think the OP might be having a joke..😅

I’ve a non lab grown diamond necklace which is 3.5 carat with excellent stats and it only has four claws.its in platinum and it’s very secure.

BTW OP, what have you done about insurance? Jewellery insurance is expensive.

DiaryofaProvincialLady · 15/04/2025 01:35

Big congrats to the OP for actually posting on this thread DURING her wedding!

First post was " A man I got engaged to 18 months ago" which then changed in a later post to "my husband".

Strangely no wedding ring in the pic though, would have been nice to see that against the rock

user109876543 · 15/04/2025 01:43

DiaryofaProvincialLady · 15/04/2025 01:35

Big congrats to the OP for actually posting on this thread DURING her wedding!

First post was " A man I got engaged to 18 months ago" which then changed in a later post to "my husband".

Strangely no wedding ring in the pic though, would have been nice to see that against the rock

Edited

Actually, to be fair, I think she said 'husband to be' although I read it the same as you at first.

@PicklesMacGraw Yes. My engagement ring is 3.5 and in a bezel setting, but I tried on some that were closer to 5c and they were huuuge. There's no way my jeweller would have agreed to 4 on one of those, especially since rings tend to be exposed to harder wear than necklaces, getting knocked etc.

Thank you all for entertaining me while I stayed up with a vomiting dog. Little rotter ate something she shouldn't have! But she seems perky and well again, so off to bed.

Boreded · 15/04/2025 02:37

Drowninginprobate · 14/04/2025 23:53

Stunning OP. I was expecting something completely different.

So was everyone else when we saw the link, then got shown costume jewellery

user1492757084 · 15/04/2025 02:45

Say..

Lucky for me that you're not engaged to XXX.

ThisFluentBiscuit · 15/04/2025 03:01

Your ring is gorgeous, OP! The perfect size for your finger. I bet it really sparkles.

I think getting married does bring out the green-eyed monster in some people, even without such a beautiful ring!

Wear it in good health!

ThisFluentBiscuit · 15/04/2025 03:10

APocketFullOfRye · 15/04/2025 01:15

I didn’t know that was a lab diamond I posted tbh 🥴
agree OPs two images aren’t of the same ring

Show quote history

She could have had it re-set. Some people don't like six prongs. I didn't on mine - thought it looked too basket-y. It was much smaller than this, of course!

WaryHiker · 15/04/2025 03:12

mulberrybeige · 14/04/2025 17:57

Here you go - be kind 😂

Wow! What a beautiful ring. Enjoy wearing it and all the best with the wedding.

WinterIsNearlyHere · 15/04/2025 07:29

It this bs thread still going? Lol
it’s fake people, OP was getting bored during Easter holidays 🙄

Skinthin · 15/04/2025 08:20

Unfortunately I don’t think the thread provided the entertainment OP was hoping for as uncharacteristically for AIBU everyone decided to be really, really nice 😂. This is despite the fact that if this were real, the OP would clearly be BU in trying to claim that wearing a 150k ring on one’s finger is perfectly ordinary and not the least bit showy lol. AIBU is so perverse.