Crashed a wedding brunch with son. Evicted by Sister-in-law

[Weddingbrunchcrasher]

Partner’s sister got married on Saturday. Partner asked if my 8 year old could come but was told no.

She only wanted her other brother’s daughter as a bridesmaid. Her other brother’s three stepchildren were not invited, the youngest of whom is thirteen.

I then asked her directly if I could bring him in the evening, she said that she wasn’t having an evening do but the invitation clearly went into the evening, what she said was she meant a separate evening do. No extra guests were coming in the evening.

Ex wasn’t available to look after son but he had a sleepover with a friend but they were heading off at 9:00 in the morning so I had to leave hotel to collect my son. Partner didn’t have a separate car and it didn’t occur to me that it would be a problem to head back to hotel with my son for the brunch they had arranged.

Again just did not occur to me that it would be a problem.

So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in. I refused to leave him to go into brunch to ask if he could come in.

Partner had left phone so finally the brunch spilled out to the lawn and we joined them. We were both starving so I went to get plates. His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave, sort of gently by asking him to go out on lawn with my partner. Partner left with us and we had breakfast in the pubic bit.

I actually started to cry over breakfast, then my son did. I am ashamed of myself for this.

I get I was unreasonable over wedding but the Brunch surely I wasn’t. Did I make too many assumptions?

Bride and groom have met my son. We have lived together for a year.

Partner is a bit shocked but obviously it was their actual wedding.

It was part of the wedding, you know the wedding you were told you couldn't bring your son to
I appreciate that there was no malice there from you OP but you are completely in the wrong and you should just appologise and forget it
As for your partner being on your side? I doubt it

It is very very clear.

The other children were invited children. Close family and friends. The bride did not invite step children she didn’t even know.

This event was held in a private dining room, with a guest list being checked on the door. The OP tried to get her son in and was denied entry; she then waited around watching until guests went into the hotel gardens to mingle then she slid in and grabbed two plates. She was not invited, it was private and she knew that. The other kid were invited guests.

I know. I know posters are saying sil will probably steer clear of OP but I’d be steering clear of sil. She might be the bride, the choices might all be hers but I don’t think she sounds like a very nice person. Heck I’d have let any young waif and stray into the brunch the next day because I’d imagine I’d be on cloud nine and love the world!

It is clear, the OP specifically says it was a private event for the wedding gueats

Off topic but which hotels include brunch in with the room rate, I love a Sunday brunch and would definitely get my money's worth 😁

Bloody hell, you've got the hide of a rhino!!

How many times were you told 'no'?!

You should have gone straight to the public area of the hotel. You may have been invited to join the others once the bride saw you and knew the story but it was taking the piss to invite yourself and son. Making a scene was on you.

How utterly childish of the bride to throw a tantrum because an 8yr old little boy walked into a “private event” with his mummy to get his Dad. He wasn’t eating the bloody food! OP CLEARLY stated that she didn’t feel comfortable leaving her son outside whilst she went in and grabbed her DH. That’s all they were doing! Shocking behaviour

I’m well aware it was the next day, but it was still a private event, paid for by the bride and groom for their guests.

They had also said to a family member with long standing step-children that their step-children couldn’t come, so it would be likely that turning a blind eye to the son of the partner who is relatively new would potentially cause bad feeling.

The OP had asked numerous times if her kid could come and had been told no, so her then turning up with her child to one of the wedding events looks like a wilful disregard of that “no” rather than as a genuine mistake.

The bride didn't throw a tantrum. She asked the uninvited guest to wait on the lawn. Then the op starts crying. It was definitely the op who caused the scene and put her son in an awkward situation

Yeah - it was a catered wedding brunch for the wedding guests the next morning in a private room with someone on the door with a guest list. Her OH could have come out and they could have gone for breakfast together rather than her trying to sneak her child in with plates.

Or they could have moved away from the wedding guests and paid for their food - I did that with DH once when he drove 3 hours to collect me from a conference - £20 per plate and we had brunch together but not in the private room

Not her DH and not the child's dad. And she tried to sneak food for him as she has admitted.

@OldCottageGreenhouse there’s nothing wrong with anyone’s reading comprehension (except maybe yours). The brunch was a private event with a list of names, the OPs son was not on that list and yet she expected him to be able to go in an eat whatever he liked. Have you ever seen an 8 year old boy at a hotel breakfast? They don’t just have a nibble on a corner of some toast!

What on earth possessed you to basically sneak in via the garden, having been refused entry via the hotel? You've got no excuse at all. You knew damn well he wasn't welcome and playing the naive victim doesn't wash.

The bride didn't throw a tantrum. The OP did. The child was turned away by the staff manning the private function.

Exactly! This pile on is vile and shows how selfish and lacking in empathy & common decency some people are. It saddens me.

Everything you did was excusable until the point you saw your son's name was not on the list. From that point on no excuse in the world can justify your actions. The way I see it you went above and beyond to steal food, I
I would wish the ground would swallow me up if I was put in that situation. Your poor son!

The fact when OP finally got in grabbed 2 plates because they were starving says that you’re making shit up. Of course they planned to eat.

The moment you were told there was a list of guests for the brunch and your son wasn’t included on that was the time to make a graceful retreat. But also another thinking this most be a reverse!

Where did OP say she threw a tantrum? Or anything remotely like that? OP never shared her response to it? Please don’t make things up to suit your own narrative

The OP made a scene when the bride and all the guests didn't offer an amazing welcome to the wedding crashers!
Sobbing in public because she can't get her own way! How embarrassing!!
Can't believe all the WILL NOONE THINK OF THE LITTLE CHILDREN AND HOW THEIR WANTS TRUMP ALL!! 😆

I feel bad for the misunderstanding but your son started crying because he saw you crying. It was your reaction that unsettled him. I don't think you can blame your tears or his tears on the bride.

Agree. I couldn’t be that hard hearted. Sil would be no friend of mine. That isn’t because of OP but because of how she could treat a child.

So what if everyone brought a waif and stray and you then ran out of food for your mum/grandad/nephew. I don't think you would be so zen then

what does it matter if it was the next day? It was still a PRIVATE EVENT. It was still organised by the bridal party, and still paid for by the bridal party and therefore they are entitled to decide whom is invited and OP's son was not!

Her son isn't cinderella, the invitation doesn't magically reset at midnight. He wasn't invited to the first part of the wedding, he's not invited to the last part.

OP had already asked TWICE if her son was allowed to come to the wedding and the bride had said no. Are you saying that if OP asked
'can he come at 12pm when you say the vows?'
'No'
'Can he come at 1pm when you're taking the photos?'
'No'
'Can he come at 2pm when they give the speeches?'
'No'
'Can he come at 4pm when you cut the cake?'
'No'
'Ah hah! You didn't say he couldn't come at 3pm when you have the meal, so that means you don't mind?'

then that would be the bride's fault because she didn't specify 'For the third time, your son is not invited to any part of my wedding, including before, during, and after the ceremony, and just to clear up any doubt he's also not coming on our honeymoon.'

When they were in the public area!! I haven't made any “shit” up as you so classily call it.

Ok, imagine you are the bride, the hotel staff have said to the OP that her son isn't on the list and then 10 minutes later they see him in the room eating breakfast. Imagine the hotel staff then go up to the bride and say You have extra people in here that you haven't paid for, please sort it out. Who knows if that happened or not, but to put the bride in a position where that could potentially happen is out of order in my opinion.

The people talking about denying a child a free breakfast, nothing is free? Someone is paying for it. If you think it is free, why not go up to any hotel on a Sunday morning and try getting a free breakfast and report back how well that goes down.