Crashed a wedding brunch with son. Evicted by Sister-in-law

[Weddingbrunchcrasher]

Partner’s sister got married on Saturday. Partner asked if my 8 year old could come but was told no.

She only wanted her other brother’s daughter as a bridesmaid. Her other brother’s three stepchildren were not invited, the youngest of whom is thirteen.

I then asked her directly if I could bring him in the evening, she said that she wasn’t having an evening do but the invitation clearly went into the evening, what she said was she meant a separate evening do. No extra guests were coming in the evening.

Ex wasn’t available to look after son but he had a sleepover with a friend but they were heading off at 9:00 in the morning so I had to leave hotel to collect my son. Partner didn’t have a separate car and it didn’t occur to me that it would be a problem to head back to hotel with my son for the brunch they had arranged.

Again just did not occur to me that it would be a problem.

So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in. I refused to leave him to go into brunch to ask if he could come in.

Partner had left phone so finally the brunch spilled out to the lawn and we joined them. We were both starving so I went to get plates. His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave, sort of gently by asking him to go out on lawn with my partner. Partner left with us and we had breakfast in the pubic bit.

I actually started to cry over breakfast, then my son did. I am ashamed of myself for this.

I get I was unreasonable over wedding but the Brunch surely I wasn’t. Did I make too many assumptions?

Bride and groom have met my son. We have lived together for a year.

Partner is a bit shocked but obviously it was their actual wedding.

Actually it was more like…

Wedding Invitation doesn’t include OP’s son.

OP: Thanks for the invite. Can I bring my son?

No.

OP: What about the evening, can I just bring him to the evening?

No

OP: (next day) Can my son come into this private post-wedding brunch?

No

OP: What about if I wait outside for a bit, now can he come?

No

You’ve got to admit, It’s a bit cringe!

Wow why are you getting so irate about something that doesn’t involve you?? I’m not reading that wall of text. Calm down!

That’s not all they were doing. She went in and took plates. The other brother wasn’t allowed to bring his step kids and clearly arranged childcare for them so he could be there with his wife, but the OP and her boyfriend turn up with his step kid? That’s not ok.

It was the day after the wedding and personally I think the sil sounds like a cow. That’s my opinion, no one has to agree with me.

@OldCottageGreenhouse the OP tried to get into the private catered brunch not to pick up Daddy (he isn’t) nor DH (not that either) On seeing the brunch guests begin to spread onto the lawns, OP went over to her DP and then went into the brunch and got two plates for her and her son. The bride asked the child to go and find the OPs DP ( I think she says gently) so no tantrum from bride

I can’t believe how uptight people are around kids and wedding when they are family but it seems the step kids in this one are seen as outsiders.

I don’t think I’d be up for being around those people again.

Sneaking back into the private room for free food. As the OP has admitted.

OP's son isn't a stepchild though, and OP has only been with her partner for a year. The bride & groom aren't obliged to invite and pay for a child they might barely know.
Op's post reads like a huge 'eff you' to the bride. She could easily have taken her son to eat in the public area of the hotel but instead tried twice to gatecrash the private family party, despite being fully aware her son wasn't invited. It was a private brunch paid for by the couple, not a free for all. It smacks of OP just wanting a freebie for her son & expecting the bride to be too polite to say anything. Thankfully the bride has a back bone.
I also would love to be a fly on the wall of the family Whatsapp chat now 😄

Until you get the bill for all the waifs and strays - given this was a head count event probably £20-40 per head.

Your partner might be on your side here but there’s a right and wrong and you acted wrong so regardless of what your partner thinks you are still in the wrong.

No you've read that wrong. They took plates from the private buffet, and were asked to leave, then they went for breakfast in the public area

OP had to go pick up her kid. She should have made sure he got something to eat either before she picked him up or gotten him something. Instead she tried to again crash a private event using her poor hungry son, ie think of the children. Manipulative.

Her boyfriend stayed quiet because he's probably seeing some red flags waving wildly. His family is not going to want to have her anywhere near after this bullshit. OP sure has some brass ones, I'll give her that.

Was there some part of "no, your son cannot attend" that wasn't clear? Your SIL is very much entitled to be very pissed off with you. You not only did what the hell you wanted, but you made it into a scene. I'd be bloody furious if someone did that at my wedding. I hope she's more tolerant than I am, because hell would freeze over before I invited you to anything again.

It is still not clear if the Bride and Groom paid or if this was included in what was paid by the paying guests as part of their Bed and Breakfast rate for the hotel!

I have stayed overnight at an hotel where I was invited for a party. The breakfast the next day was in a separate room because the hotel had decided to put the party guests all together but we had all paid for our own breakfast, the same as the other guests in the hotel. The hotel did ask us our name when we went down to breakfast and showed us into the separate room. While we were there, other guests wandered in and out looking for things like ketchup etc.

Refusal to read posts would probably account for your own poor reading comprehension.

Would you not think how the people who left their stepchildren at home because they weren't invited would react to see the OP's child there? It was a private function where the OP went above and beyond to sneak food for her child. Nothing can excuse that!

It was a buffet breakfast and I expect it was all part of a pre-paid wedding package. I’m not defending OP, I’m saying I couldn't treat a child like that at the buffet the day after my wedding.

They weren’t in the public area!! She went in and tried to eat from the private buffet. It was only after being told to leave (for a second time) that she went to the public restaurant and paid for breakfast with her son and ate there.

Most of these places are kids eat free for breakfast, mine was kids eat free for the wedding meal too. People are acting as if this 8 year old scarfed two full English breakfasts. It was likely a buffet type affair, they probably threw away more at the end of this than the kid would eat.

You were out of order to crash and then even worse for making a scene

At 8 years old he can be baby sat. I m normally not a fan of child free weddings but you caused an unnecessary, avoidable scene there. Yabu.

"please don't make things up to suit your own narrative."
the irony when part of your argument was "he wasn't eating the bloody food!" despite the OP literally saying "We were both starving so I went to get plates."
both meaning her and her son
plates, as in plural
to put food on for her son to eat because he was "starving."

This was as soon as they arrived, while they were still in the private area, before the bride asked them to leave and they then (with her partner) ate breakfast in the public area, as you've subsequently tried to backtrack.

if not enough for you OP posted again saying "It was a buffet type breakfast thing with loads of food." Again confirming she thought it was perfectly fine for her son to eat the food.

Pot, kettle, black?
Maybe focus on your own reading comprehension before criticising others, hmmm?

It’s clear only the step kids are excluded..

You have to be a bit of a twat to not offer someone who is there a plate of food. Especially a child.

I would never go to a wedding where children were not invited but if it was the next day and I’d seen no children (or this child) running around the disco the previous night I wouldn’t give it a thought.

Still doesn’t mean the hotel wouldn’t charge per head in the room. When I worked for a hotel, we would get a number of guests, but if extras turned up (approved) we would always make sure they were catered for and charge the extra per head.

On buffets we would refresh as needed. We would also make sure to charge per head as some people would intentionally give low numbers hoping the food would stretch to get a lower bill.