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AIBU?

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Original poster

Crashed a wedding brunch with son. Evicted by Sister-in-law

1000 replies

Weddingbrunchcrasher · 14/04/2025 14:05

Partner’s sister got married on Saturday. Partner asked if my 8 year old could come but was told no.

She only wanted her other brother’s daughter as a bridesmaid. Her other brother’s three stepchildren were not invited, the youngest of whom is thirteen.

I then asked her directly if I could bring him in the evening, she said that she wasn’t having an evening do but the invitation clearly went into the evening, what she said was she meant a separate evening do. No extra guests were coming in the evening.

Ex wasn’t available to look after son but he had a sleepover with a friend but they were heading off at 9:00 in the morning so I had to leave hotel to collect my son. Partner didn’t have a separate car and it didn’t occur to me that it would be a problem to head back to hotel with my son for the brunch they had arranged.

Again just did not occur to me that it would be a problem.

So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in. I refused to leave him to go into brunch to ask if he could come in.

Partner had left phone so finally the brunch spilled out to the lawn and we joined them. We were both starving so I went to get plates. His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave, sort of gently by asking him to go out on lawn with my partner. Partner left with us and we had breakfast in the pubic bit.

I actually started to cry over breakfast, then my son did. I am ashamed of myself for this.

I get I was unreasonable over wedding but the Brunch surely I wasn’t. Did I make too many assumptions?

Bride and groom have met my son. We have lived together for a year.

Partner is a bit shocked but obviously it was their actual wedding.

OP posts:
BunnyLake · 14/04/2025 14:55

Gloriia · 14/04/2025 14:46

While you shouldn't have taken your dc I think it was very unpleasant to ask you to leave. She should've shrugged it off and taken it up with you at a later date. Unedifying for all concerned really.

I agree with this. Yes you went against her wishes but as it was the day after and there were children there it seems pretty mean spirited. I am basing my opinion purely on my own personality and I know that I wouldn’t have turned your son away the day after the wedding.

PinkyFlamingo · 14/04/2025 14:55

It's quite worrying that you didn't see an issue with this really

Flutterbyby · 14/04/2025 14:55

Exasperated24 · 14/04/2025 14:23

Was the brunch the day after?

So they had the wedding, you all stayed over at the hotel, you left to pick up your son and then brought son back to the hotel. The day after the wedding?

if so I don’t think that was totally unreasonable of you! They can’t dictate who has breakfast/brunch in a hotel.

Show quote history

They didn't. They dictated who was invited to a private brunch in a private room.

AestheticallyChallenged · 14/04/2025 14:56

It was thoughtless and rude of the bride and groom to have a family wedding but exclude the step children. Perhaps they did this due to financial reasons though? I would have been inclined not to go to the wedding at all personally, if my child was not welcome but others were. Blended families are the norm nowadays and if you are having a family wedding you should be prepared to cope with modern family dynamics. Or not have a family wedding. If you hold a party for guests ( which is what a wedding is), you need to remember your duties as hosts. No the day is not all about the bride and groom. If you want a day that is all about you just elope or have a small gathering of a few friends. Don't inflict some boring, tedious occasion on your guests and expect them to jump through hoops just for the privilege of looking at you colour schemes. My wedding guests told me my wedding was the most enjoyable they had been to. That was because my husband and I took a huge amount of care to make sure our guests would be comfortable, well-fed and entertained (and everyone included). So our wedding was fondly remembered by all, whereas other weddings I have been to were thought by a lot of guests to be tedious. In my opinion children make a wedding. They have so much enthusiasm for the proceedings and help the other guests to break the ice, so I wouldn't exclude them.

crankycurmudgeon · 14/04/2025 14:57

Weddingbrunchcrasher · 14/04/2025 14:31

OK I accept now that is in black and white that I was out of order to bring an uninvited guest to a private catered event but it literally never occurred to me that it would be a problem. It was a buffet type breakfast thing with loads of food.

It was the morning after the wedding and children were invited just not her brothers’ partners’ kids.

There is no way on earth I would treat my sibling’s partner’s children like this.

We only had one car. I needed to collect my partner.

Thing is on the one hand you are saying you had no idea it would be a problem, while also signalling that right from the start you had a chip on your shoulder about the fact certain other children had been invited but not yours. I'm sorry I just don't accept that this was an honest mistake... it seems like you were aggrieved at your son being 'left out' as it seemed to you, even prejudiced against compared to other children who were invited. And you didn't want to stand for that, so against your better judgment, knowing you were 'crashing' the brunch (your title says as much), you took your son to prove a point.

I guess you were either consciously or subconsciously hoping that the bride would be too concerned about making a scene to say anything, and you'd be able to gain a small, petty, but relatable victory that you'd managed to put one over your SIL and her 'prejudice' in excluding your son. It would have felt good in a silly way to have got away with it. But you didn't. She called your bluff, and called you out on it, and you have had to bear the consequence of that.

I can see why you think your son was prejudiced against, he's the world to you. And sure, it might have been kinder to have included your son. But it's the SIL's right not to invite him, and she chose not to. The way to deal with your hurt feelings about that is not to go on the passive aggressive warpath as you have done. Maybe there is no good way to deal with it, but blended families are hard work, and this is only one example of why.

Doodlessmoodles · 14/04/2025 14:57

And contrary to all these other comments I think someone would have to be a pretty low individual to shun a child out of a happy family situation after the event with buffet style food, the more the merrier in my eyes, find a new fella I’d say……….

AprilBunny · 14/04/2025 14:57

I am cringing for you, you are so being that person.

BippidyBoppety · 14/04/2025 14:58

Weddingbrunchcrasher · 14/04/2025 14:19

OK this is clear that I was out of order but I genuinely did think the brunch would be a problem.

I wasn’t crying for sympathy. I cried because I was shocked.

My partner is on my side but won’t say anything.

My partner is on my side ...

This is doubling down on being wrong - on your side?

You were wrong, it's been pointed out to you by numerous other posters you were wrong, and yet your partner is on your side ....

Apologise to the Bride, you behaved very badly, and please don't make any references to 'sides' in this.

Lunde · 14/04/2025 14:58

Weddingbrunchcrasher · 14/04/2025 14:15

Other children were invited, Godchildren and cousins were invited.

Was I unreasonable to think the brunch was ok? I didn’t see this as part of the wedding but post-wedding where it didn’t matter.

Of course it is part of the wedding if A) you didn't pay for it and B) it was clear there was a list of invitees and you both weren't on it.

It was a private catered wedding event that you decided it was OK to gatecrash and stick them with the bill.

Even being turned away at the door didn't deter you from pushing your way in - honestly embarrassed for you to be so clueless

LlynTegid · 14/04/2025 14:59

I am with the sister in law on this one. You should not have turned up.

Regardless of wishing brunch as an idea as something that should be even less socially acceptable than liking Coldplay.

Anotherdayanothernameagain · 14/04/2025 14:59

Namechangean · 14/04/2025 14:31

Then he should have left with OP and gone home once they picked her son up. He knew she was going to get her son, he obviously was in agreement with it

Show quote history

We don’t know if he was expwcting her to just return to collect him after the brunch.

stayathomer · 14/04/2025 14:59

It was all a bit ridiculous op, and not great for your son (though to be fair your sil didn’t handle it great by trying to march him out!) and ywbu and overreacted, but the replies on this thread are something else- people really sticking the knife in, and so angry over something that had nothing to do with them!!

HenDoNot · 14/04/2025 14:59

BunnyLake · 14/04/2025 14:55

I agree with this. Yes you went against her wishes but as it was the day after and there were children there it seems pretty mean spirited. I am basing my opinion purely on my own personality and I know that I wouldn’t have turned your son away the day after the wedding.

Show quote history

Maybe this is the brothers third step child in almost as many years.

They don’t know the kid and made it pretty clear 3 times that he wasn’t invited.

satsumaqueen · 14/04/2025 15:00

Weddingbrunchcrasher · 14/04/2025 14:15

Other children were invited, Godchildren and cousins were invited.

Was I unreasonable to think the brunch was ok? I didn’t see this as part of the wedding but post-wedding where it didn’t matter.

Yes you were unreasonable. I haven’t been to any weddings where you watch someone get married and then go home. It was clearly a whole day event, especially because you knew they weren’t inviting anyone else for the evening. How can you possibly not think the food after the wedding is not part of the celebration?

I would have been absolutely furious if you bought your child to my wedding after being told no twice. What makes you think you and your child are more important than the bride and grooms wishes? I get that some people get really offended when their precious children aren’t invited to everything but in that instance, you stay at home with them. You don’t bring them somewhere they aren’t welcome.

Middleofthetown · 14/04/2025 15:00

@Tiswa would you walk into any catered event and take food that someone else had paid for presumably by head? No of course not

I think that’s a very generous assumption on your part

Flossflower · 14/04/2025 15:01

After your update that it was the morning after:
If this was just the hotel and there were non wedding guests staying there and attending the brunch or on the lawn then YANBU.
If this was a private function and the Bride and Groom were paying then YABU.

People are very entitled to have child free weddings or limit it to just the children they want. What they can’t do (and some people try to do) is stop people staying at the hotel and being in non private rooms if the people are paying for the hotel themselves.

TortolaParadise · 14/04/2025 15:02

I actually started to cry over breakfast.... I am ashamed of myself for this.

Yes, well you were told.

Blackdow · 14/04/2025 15:02

Flossflower · 14/04/2025 15:01

After your update that it was the morning after:
If this was just the hotel and there were non wedding guests staying there and attending the brunch or on the lawn then YANBU.
If this was a private function and the Bride and Groom were paying then YABU.

People are very entitled to have child free weddings or limit it to just the children they want. What they can’t do (and some people try to do) is stop people staying at the hotel and being in non private rooms if the people are paying for the hotel themselves.

If you read the thread and even the replies explaining it to those who don’t understand then you would know whether it was a private event in a private room or not.

CaptainFuture · 14/04/2025 15:02

Oh yep, here's another thread with a "how dare people think they get to say who comes to their wedding!! Dont they know they count for NOTHING! And the true important people are all the random extended family and all of their extended off spring and who they want to be invited!!"

vickylou78 · 14/04/2025 15:03

I think if it was a catered private event then you shouldn't have brought an extra along! Imagine if everyone at the wedding brought an extra person along and food ran out (food that would have cost a lot and was carefully planned to be enough for the invited guests). You should have just bought your son a breakfast from the hotel in the first place.

Llori · 14/04/2025 15:03

OP, the bride is not your SiL. She's the sister of your boyfriend, who you have been with for a year (I think?).

I wouldn't have treated your DS like this, because I'm a total soft touch with kids, but she was WELL within the bounds of reasonable to do so.

At some point, you're going to look back and cringe at this, really. Right now, you need to lose any lingering sense of being hard done by: this was all entirely of your own making. I feel sorry for the bride, for the fuss you created, and very sorry for your son, for being placed in the middle of the embarrassment you caused.

orangedream · 14/04/2025 15:03

How desperate would you need to be for a free brunch to drag an uninvited child along, be refused entry, and then try to sneak in instead? I'm cringing thinking about subjecting a child to that. The boyfriend must be mortified at what a show she made of herself in front of his family.

HunsandRoses · 14/04/2025 15:03

Hang on, is this one of those threads hoping to end up in the Daily Mail 🤣😂🤣

Richiewoo · 14/04/2025 15:04

You were out of order and owe her anything apology.

HunsandRoses · 14/04/2025 15:04

orangedream · 14/04/2025 15:03

How desperate would you need to be for a free brunch to drag an uninvited child along, be refused entry, and then try to sneak in instead? I'm cringing thinking about subjecting a child to that. The boyfriend must be mortified at what a show she made of herself in front of his family.

That's why I'm starting to think this can't be real.

No one can be that entitled after only 12 months of dating, surely??

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