Crashed a wedding brunch with son. Evicted by Sister-in-law

[Weddingbrunchcrasher]

Partner’s sister got married on Saturday. Partner asked if my 8 year old could come but was told no.

She only wanted her other brother’s daughter as a bridesmaid. Her other brother’s three stepchildren were not invited, the youngest of whom is thirteen.

I then asked her directly if I could bring him in the evening, she said that she wasn’t having an evening do but the invitation clearly went into the evening, what she said was she meant a separate evening do. No extra guests were coming in the evening.

Ex wasn’t available to look after son but he had a sleepover with a friend but they were heading off at 9:00 in the morning so I had to leave hotel to collect my son. Partner didn’t have a separate car and it didn’t occur to me that it would be a problem to head back to hotel with my son for the brunch they had arranged.

Again just did not occur to me that it would be a problem.

So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in. I refused to leave him to go into brunch to ask if he could come in.

Partner had left phone so finally the brunch spilled out to the lawn and we joined them. We were both starving so I went to get plates. His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave, sort of gently by asking him to go out on lawn with my partner. Partner left with us and we had breakfast in the pubic bit.

I actually started to cry over breakfast, then my son did. I am ashamed of myself for this.

I get I was unreasonable over wedding but the Brunch surely I wasn’t. Did I make too many assumptions?

Bride and groom have met my son. We have lived together for a year.

Partner is a bit shocked but obviously it was their actual wedding.

Well done to OP's partner's sister, aka the bride, for holding your boundaries.

I'm sorry your brother's current girlfriend is difficult, disrespectful, and is now trying to shame and blame you on a public forum.

I hope you had a lovely day and wish you a joyful marriage 🎉🥂🥳.

But if they got married after 12 months then the kids family? 🤦🏼‍♀️

(They’ve been together 3 years)

Sending him out to play in the garden is not exactly 'throwing' him out.

This!

Exactly! Who lets this kind of minor issue affect them after their wedding day! Yes the OP was wrong. But really, who cares?!

I’d have done this, too. I was so happy the day after I got married, I can’t imagine something like this bothering me in the slightest. And even if it did I certainly wouldn’t have been mean to a child, even if I was privately annoyed!

I had two relatives gate crash my wedding ceremony. I could have been really upset but I just thought “how rude” and moved on with my life.

Run out because an eight year might have got a few bits on a plate. I hardly think everyone was allocated one sausage, one egg, four mushrooms, a slice of toast and an ounce of beans each.

You knew exactly what you were doing op. I’d be surprised if they spoke to you again after pulling that stunt

Exactly. My DH is a manager for a hotel and deals with these things all the time. Staff would not care if an extra child appeared, the cost is the same. It's such a non-event that I'm struggling to understand the hysteria on here.

Did it affect her? She asked OP's son to go to the lawn with his dad. That's all.

It was OP that cried and let it affect her.

Yep. Same.

Well it suggests a permanence, doesn’t it? Or at least I’d hope it would. Otherwise not much point getting married.

There was a restaurant on site. He could have had food from there.

The louder he talked of his honour, the faster we counted the spoons

Exactly. I genuinely was on cloud nine the day after I got married. I wouldn’t have noticed if randoms were in the room! And even if I did notice we’d have just ignored it. Nothing would have ruined my mood that morning.

I don’t think it was an issue asking the hotel to go into the private function room at all - but they said no. The hotel employee clearly told you that your son wasn’t on the list and couldn’t go in.
Once the hotel told you that what made you think you should try?

I can also understand if you had gone to the Bride and asked and she said don’t worry come in.

But you didn’t you make it obvious to the hotel your son wasn’t on the list - can’t you see how that might then be awkward for the Bride?

It sounds like a fairly posh wedding event - so the rules are there. The OP must know it would be uncomfortable doing what she did the way she did it

But what about those that never intend to marry and don’t believe in it? Who is anyone else to treat their relationship less than a married couples. If OP and her partner and living together and committed then that should be enough.

@AlinaRawlingsyes because marriage and it’s legal binding is what forms a ‘family’ of non blood related people.

Marriage and adoption are literally legal ways of defining a person as your family. That’s the point of them. They add all of the responsibilities and benefits of family ties.

You’ve been posting an awful lot for someone who flounced and said that they were out.

Also hotels have different policies. My friend’s hotel made it very clear that additional diners would be charged for as her wedding package included the brunch but only for a set number of diners.

Sorry, OP, you are absolutely the cheeky fucker here!

If I were the bride, personally I wouldn't have said anything and would have sucked up paying for the extra head in order to avoid unpleasantness on my happy occasion. However, I would have been floored by you bringing your son about whom we had had more than one conversation in which it was made clear he was not invited to any part of the event.

It would affect my decisions about what you were invited to in future and the relationship we had afterwards because I would have concluded from this that you were pushy, self-centred and unable to observe normal social boundaries.

Maybe that's not who you generally are a a person but, I'm sorry, that's the only way this would have come across to me. Self-pitying crying afterwards instead of being mortified and apologising, followed by defending your actions here tends to make me think this may not be an aberration, though I hope it is.

I hope you're able to mend fences but it's going to take a fair bit of humility!

Do your parents still see your step daughter?

Yes legally however not everybody believes in it. For some they are family once committed and living together, nobody else has the right to say otherwise.

Pissed off but the bride/groom could have explained. If they had been reasonable people, it wouldn't have been an issue.

I guess what meant was, why didn't she check out of the hotel, as she had to leave to get her son and get her son some food and presumably entertaim her son. Husnand could have come home with another guest or be picked up later.

I would have assumed they were meeting up with their parents after being away from them. Or I would have given it not one moment of thought. Do you think those parents would have been fuming, stewing, raging then when they saw this young interloper in their midst the day after the wedding?