Crashed a wedding brunch with son. Evicted by Sister-in-law

[Weddingbrunchcrasher]

Partner’s sister got married on Saturday. Partner asked if my 8 year old could come but was told no.

She only wanted her other brother’s daughter as a bridesmaid. Her other brother’s three stepchildren were not invited, the youngest of whom is thirteen.

I then asked her directly if I could bring him in the evening, she said that she wasn’t having an evening do but the invitation clearly went into the evening, what she said was she meant a separate evening do. No extra guests were coming in the evening.

Ex wasn’t available to look after son but he had a sleepover with a friend but they were heading off at 9:00 in the morning so I had to leave hotel to collect my son. Partner didn’t have a separate car and it didn’t occur to me that it would be a problem to head back to hotel with my son for the brunch they had arranged.

Again just did not occur to me that it would be a problem.

So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in. I refused to leave him to go into brunch to ask if he could come in.

Partner had left phone so finally the brunch spilled out to the lawn and we joined them. We were both starving so I went to get plates. His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave, sort of gently by asking him to go out on lawn with my partner. Partner left with us and we had breakfast in the pubic bit.

I actually started to cry over breakfast, then my son did. I am ashamed of myself for this.

I get I was unreasonable over wedding but the Brunch surely I wasn’t. Did I make too many assumptions?

Bride and groom have met my son. We have lived together for a year.

Partner is a bit shocked but obviously it was their actual wedding.

It’s not really relevant though, is it? Whether OP, or indeed anyone on here, thinks it’s unfair to not treat her stepson as family, the fact of the matter is that he was not invited. The OP had two choices, which were to accept that and attend without him, or decide not to attend. Instead she’s tried to come with a loophole to force him onto the guest list.

But he wasn't on the guest list therefore he was not invited.

At least you admit you were a CF for taking food.

FWIW I don't think you were trying to get one over on the bride. I think you just put yourself and your needs/wants first and didn't even stop to think about whether your actions were inappropriate and selfish. Your behaviour has come back to bite you on the arse and you have a lot of grovelling to do.

It makes me really sad that someone could be callous and cold towards an 8 year old child! It wasn't his fault his mother brought him.

No, he shouldn't have gone as he wasn't invited but bloody hell surely they could have stretched to a couple more sausages for a child!

Personally I would say that I would not consider them to be family at all whilst they are unmarried, in the same way that I regard my sister-in-law to be family but not my sister's boyfriend. It doesn't mean that I am not nice to my sister's boyfriend - I really enjoy chatting with him - but until they commit to be a family together he's not part of my family.

And even after marriage it's not exactly the same with step-children because they are not related and would disappear if the relationship broke down. I would strive to treat them equally in terms of presents etc., but I would not see them in exactly the same way. In the same way my sister-in-law is not the same as my actual sister.

No you are the strange one with strange logic. Saying that hotel policy to charge per head is incorrect and irrelevant. If course it isn't! You are saying it's ok for someone who wasn't invited to turn up and eat food for free. Would you still be saying the same if that person was a fully grown man? Providing he only eats a sausage and a bit of melon? Rude and entitled ( the mother not the son)

It wasn't strictly "the morning after" the wedding, it was PART of the wedding as it was (a) for the wedding guests, by invitation only and (b) paid for by whoever was paying for the wedding.

My DD is getting married in another country later this year, where the wedding celebrations are going to extend over more than one day. That does not mean that we expect uninvited people to turn up for events which have been planned and paid for with specific numbers of guests in mind, even if they are not on the same day as the actual formality of the marriage.

It does seem a bit mean to not allow a child’s presence the day after the wedding at the brunch, I can’t say if I had been the bride I would have been bothered enough to make a point of it.
In your shoes I would have picked up my child and headed out somewhere else/returned home and skipped the brunch. I wouldn’t have assumed he could have gone to the brunch when he had been excluded from everything else, but then we as a family have been invited to several child free weddings.
If the weddings have been on my husbands side, he has attended without me as the faff of trying to find someone to look after multiple children and pets (weddings have not been local) and the one on my side wouldn’t let me take my newborn BF baby so I declined to go.
I would just let it go, I wouldn’t repeatedly apologise, if it comes up in conversation you can just apologise again and say you thought it was an informal gathering after the wedding and the child would be ok to come. If you don’t want it to sour any future relationships with your partners family I think you’re just going to have to accept you read the room wrongly, dust yourself off and see how things settle.

i think the issue here from the OP's POV is the wedding was child free, but then the breakfast/brunch, the children who hadn't actually attended the wedding, but were the kids of the family guests were at the brunch, so it didn't occur to her that her son wouldn't be allowed to eat.

While i respect the Brides rights to a CF wedding (mine was as well) i think begrudging your brothers partner of 3 years step son breakfast when there are loads of other kids there is mean spirited.

While i don't agree with the OP taking him into the private area, i think the Bride was out of order considering everyone elses kids were allowed in to eat.

Are you going on the honeymoon?

If not, why not?

Lets face it, you’ve ignored everything you’ve been told, and turned up anyway, so you might as well turn up to that!

Your entitlement is breathtaking…

I think that you’d benefit from a grip and a course in reading comprehension, before strength personally.

I fail to see much difference personally. Both children were with a parent who were quite capable of feeding them. Neither child was in imminent danger of starvation and they were both in a place where they were able to access sustenance. They were not going to go without food if the person who didn’t request their presence didn’t feed them and yet people are talking as though OP’s 8 year old was some deprived Dickensian waif.

Still part of the wedding. The post even refers to wedding brunch 🙄 In some cultures wedding celebrations last for days

Every guest didn't though. It was ONE CHILD!

If it was a buffet, then chances are there was sufficient food. Nobody would know about Uncle Billy eating 10 sausages and Auntie Kath having an unhealthy predilection for fried eggs!!

This. No means no.

My partner’s phone was on charge in our room.

So you could have rung the hotel and asked what time the wedding brunch was due to end, as you are picking someone up.

I don’t know why people think I did this to get one over on the bride because my son wasn’t invited to the main event the day before.

Because what other reason is there to turn up to collect your partner at the start of this event rather than the end of it?

OP knew he wasn't invited to the brunch but tried to muscle him in and get him food anyway.

I believe you.

Imagine, instead of being on a high after their wedding day, all these brides pursing their lips and telling a kid to leave their brunch. A sign of true wedded bliss ;-)

It wasn't a bloody royal dinner you know. Christ almighty. This is just going round and round in circles. I stand by if OP put food on her plate for her son, it wouldn't cost "an extra head". I'm out.

What if all the not invited children of guests showed up for brunch? Would that be ok, or is your child a special case?

i know, i can read.. as per my last paragraph.

In my experience most couples are bloody tired after their wedding days and not in a mood to suffer fools gladly.

We had that as part of the hotel package as most people stayed at the hotel we had the wedding at. I don’t really care who came in tbh and I certainly wouldn’t have been bothered if people brought their children that morning. The food was paid for either way and the wedding was over and we were just all excited to be married.

Then why wouldn't it occur to OP that he couldn't eat if she knew he wasn't invited?

Okay. So I think what makes you most unreasonable is that you were given the opportunity to check if your son could join but refused to do so, but instead waited until everyone came out onto the lawn and instead of asking then instead, you essentially snuck in to buffet. Which may have been coming to a close (can't tell if everyone's on the lawn because it's finished?)

While you were waiting it would have made more sense to eat in the normal hotel restaurant.

I personally wouldn't have said anything to your son. But equally pretty embarrassing for the bride of everyone sees your son at the buffet when her other brother's stepchildren aren't invited. Plus, she wasn't rude and had told you multiple times he wasn't invited.

@Crackanutit doesn’t matter whether you think the kid would eat much or not from OPs plate. They would have been charged another head… because it’s priced per head, per person, not per plate.

The dramatic language is hilarious, genuinely. Loophole😂