Crashed a wedding brunch with son. Evicted by Sister-in-law

[Weddingbrunchcrasher]

Partner’s sister got married on Saturday. Partner asked if my 8 year old could come but was told no.

She only wanted her other brother’s daughter as a bridesmaid. Her other brother’s three stepchildren were not invited, the youngest of whom is thirteen.

I then asked her directly if I could bring him in the evening, she said that she wasn’t having an evening do but the invitation clearly went into the evening, what she said was she meant a separate evening do. No extra guests were coming in the evening.

Ex wasn’t available to look after son but he had a sleepover with a friend but they were heading off at 9:00 in the morning so I had to leave hotel to collect my son. Partner didn’t have a separate car and it didn’t occur to me that it would be a problem to head back to hotel with my son for the brunch they had arranged.

Again just did not occur to me that it would be a problem.

So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in. I refused to leave him to go into brunch to ask if he could come in.

Partner had left phone so finally the brunch spilled out to the lawn and we joined them. We were both starving so I went to get plates. His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave, sort of gently by asking him to go out on lawn with my partner. Partner left with us and we had breakfast in the pubic bit.

I actually started to cry over breakfast, then my son did. I am ashamed of myself for this.

I get I was unreasonable over wedding but the Brunch surely I wasn’t. Did I make too many assumptions?

Bride and groom have met my son. We have lived together for a year.

Partner is a bit shocked but obviously it was their actual wedding.

His mother was right there and could've paid to get him some food.

What are you even talking about. Hotels and wedding venues, charge per guest. Extra guest turns up, eats food, whoever is paying for the event is billed for that extra person.

You realise it was a PRIVATE catered for event? You can't just invite more mouths to feed! She had access to the restaurant she could have gone to and bought breakfast there. This was a catered for per head event. And no other children were allowed. How pissed off do you think the other BIL would have been as he wasn't allowed to bring his children either.

I don't see what the big deal is. It was the next day, not the actual wedding. I couldn't be bothered to care about something like this to be honest. The bride sounds unpleasant, and excluding her brother's stepchildren but allowing other kids is shitty.

In my family the child would be welcomed. My elderly parents would treat him like family from the get-go and the rest of the family would follow suit. The prissy formalities and uptight mean attitudes of some families here sound so joyless.

This is different and they should have not come to the wedding meal but I believe most churchs officially allow anyone to turn up at a marriage service as the church is supposed to be open. In practice most people don’t just turn up.

Me too! This is pretty unforgivable to be honest!

And CFers like the OP relies on wet lettuced gullible people like you to guilt trip and manipulate.

OP was told THREE TIMES no. So the Bride would have been pretty pissed off by that point. So her sending them away is more than understandable, especially when you consider it was a per head event, and there are plenty of wedding stories where by the time certain tables were called up, there was no food left. If every guest pulled the stunt the OP did, where do you think that would leave the actual guests for food?

You were bang out of order

OP what should people have done to prevent this awful scene with you crying? You asked the bride if your DS could come and were told no. You asked if he could come to the brunch despite his name not being down, you were told no. People were communicating with you very clearly, what more could they have done?

How do you cope with the rest of your life?

Yeah that's exactly the same thing🙄

Give me strength.

I wouldn’t have done what you did but can see you didn’t mean any harm. I would never have asked your son to leave! However I would have felt stressed in the brides shoes that other guests might think, what about MY child who couldn’t come? I wonder if you would have had a different result if the bride hadn’t already been asked more than once about your son coming to the wedding.

His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave

So then, if you were the bride in this exact situation, is this what you would have done too?

@Crackanut of course the hotel would know, they had staff on the door with list of named guests. Presumably the bride didn't want the unpleasantness of whoever was paying (her father maybe? Or maybe herself) being called aside by the hotel manager and asked to cough up for extra guests who had not been on the list.

It was a private catered for PER HEAD event, @Zinnialime . A formal part of the wedding!

Out of interest where is that place that it's OK to gatecrash things you've been told you aren't invited to?

You've misunderstood. This happened the morning after the wedding.

Nope. No wet lettuce or gullibility here. Just generosity of attitude when it comes to hosting, like many of my culture.

If I were the Bride, after telling CFer OP no three....times, you betcha I would. All patience would have been looooonng gone. And she'd never be invited to anything in our family again after pulling that stunt.

😂

You were told to turn away and instead waited for an opportunity and pressed in the moment it came.

Your partner is telling you he’s on your side but not saying anything to his family. That’s because in reality he doesn’t agree with you.

By gently asking him to go on to the lawn with his dad as per OP? Absolutely.

Very calm from the bride considering OP was told no multiple times about the wedding and then rocks up to the brunch the day after with him despite knowing he wasn't invited and still expecting free food for him.

She wasn't hosting OP's son because he wasn't invited.

That’s what I would have thought. Maybe the wedding night was a disappointment?

OP you displayed shockingly bad manners. People are arguing over the wrongs and rights of who the bride invited.

That is irrelevant. Your son was very clearly not invited to this event. Basic manners and common sense should had prevailed here and you should not have shown up with an uninvited guest. And you should not have asked again for an invite when your boyfriend was told no.

And you shouldn’t have the had a visible emotional reaction when you went against the hosts wishes, prompting a visible emotional reaction from your son. pulling attention to you.

You made yourself the main character of an event where you were a second tier guest. The bride and groom will remember you for this many years.

Many of us would have turned a blind eye to your poor behavior. Many of us would have invited your son to the wedding. But that’s all irrelevant. You display very poor judgement and let yourself and your son down.