Crashed a wedding brunch with son. Evicted by Sister-in-law

[Weddingbrunchcrasher]

Partner’s sister got married on Saturday. Partner asked if my 8 year old could come but was told no.

She only wanted her other brother’s daughter as a bridesmaid. Her other brother’s three stepchildren were not invited, the youngest of whom is thirteen.

I then asked her directly if I could bring him in the evening, she said that she wasn’t having an evening do but the invitation clearly went into the evening, what she said was she meant a separate evening do. No extra guests were coming in the evening.

Ex wasn’t available to look after son but he had a sleepover with a friend but they were heading off at 9:00 in the morning so I had to leave hotel to collect my son. Partner didn’t have a separate car and it didn’t occur to me that it would be a problem to head back to hotel with my son for the brunch they had arranged.

Again just did not occur to me that it would be a problem.

So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in. I refused to leave him to go into brunch to ask if he could come in.

Partner had left phone so finally the brunch spilled out to the lawn and we joined them. We were both starving so I went to get plates. His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave, sort of gently by asking him to go out on lawn with my partner. Partner left with us and we had breakfast in the pubic bit.

I actually started to cry over breakfast, then my son did. I am ashamed of myself for this.

I get I was unreasonable over wedding but the Brunch surely I wasn’t. Did I make too many assumptions?

Bride and groom have met my son. We have lived together for a year.

Partner is a bit shocked but obviously it was their actual wedding.

I must be getting old because while it wasn’t ideal I can’t see the problem. Unless OP and her one, 8 year old son loaded their plates with all the best bacon, it’s not like a contingent of people has turned up.
Yes, you have catering and numbers but this was a brunch the day after. And OP isn’t some random girlfriend, her partner was there.
I think a really happy bride wouldn’t notice or care the day after her big day.

Blimey, someone hide the sharp objects 😆😆

You tried to blag your kid free food. It’s honestly gross.

The level of entitlement on this thread is mad.

"I guess at least now you know that they don't really see your son as family."

OP said she's been living with boyfriend for a year so they aren't married and BF is not a stepfather. So why would her son be seen as family? Especially if OP has a history of using him to guilt trip BF's family to get her way and cause scenes when she doesn't get her way.

He wasn’t kicked out ‘like an animal’. They were not unreasonable to not allow OP to use her son’s
presence to ride roughshod over their repeatedly stated wishes.

The OP was entitled and clearly needs to learn the meaning of ''no''.

a similar thing happened to my sister: she invited a family for the evening do only - they queried it and she apologised and explained she could only afford certain numbers for the sit down meal. They then merrily turned up at the church AND at the hotel expecting to be fed lunch and it was so stressful and horrible for my sister to have to explain - AGAIN - that they were down on the seating plan and no food was there for them. It nearly ruined the whole day. You put the bride in a very similar position, OP. I am shocked you are trying to defend or justify this.

Lol you aren't family

I’m almost certain it will be the OP’s entitled attitude that’s the cause and not the cost per head of feeding one small child during the brunch.

She was told no 3 times to the wedding, she was not allowed through the door of the brunch with her child so instead went in the back entrance via the gardens.

At no point had she said to the bride ‘really sorry, his sleepover finished early’ are we okay to just let him hang out here until we’ve finished.

I think it probably would’ve been better to check with the bride re the breakfast arrangements before bringing along your son. You presumably knew you had to collect him at 9am in advance and knew there was the breakfast things for guests from the wedding and it’s clear it was catered for in a private room as party of the wedding celebrations. I think the bride made her feelings pretty clear at the start (reasonable or not) so it seems a bit odd to think it wouldn’t matter re bringing your son when there had not been an explicit conversation about the breakfast and all the explicit conversations about other parts of the wedding had made it clear your son was not included. I understand why you may be hurt but I guess if she has said to others no then she wants to stick to that. It’s also a catered event so if others also brought someone else because they too thought it didn’t matter, then the numbers would go up in a way that wasn’t planned for. It sounds like it was all done for practical reasons perhaps so try not to take it too personally.

I think I cried because there was a realisation that we weren’t considered family.

Again, this is yet another thread where a mother has unreasonable expectations regarding their partner's family when it comes to children from a previous relationship.

OP - from the bride's perspective, your child is her brother's partner's son, not her brother's son. He is one of your relations only. It's like asking if you can bring your sister along to her wedding - they might be related to you but they are not related to her.

It is particularly unreasonable to expect her to treat your child as immediate family if you are not married to her brother.

You need to manage your expectations and stop embarrassing your son.

How many people came to your wedding that you didn’t invite, who then tried to get an invite and you confirmed they weren’t invited and then still came and helped themselves to food?

Judging by all that frothing, randomly snapping ant people and hysteria you’re suffering from rabies. You should probably see someone about that.

The fact that you have to make up wild scenarios and exaggerate numbers to desperately try and convince me that you're right is just strange.

I assumed that while my son’s name was not on the guest list for the brunch the day after the wedding which was not childfree. They would not object to him being at the brunch.

This is quite obviously a foolish assumption.

Where is the line? That’s a genuine question.

I’m clearly in the minority here but to be clear, this was the day after the wedding? So not the actual wedding day? If so I don’t understand the issue, the wedding is done, I’m presuming it was a brunch before everyone then went home? Why are they being so precious about it? Saying that though I’d probably have just taken my son home or if I had to be there (say you were collecting dp) I’d have just taken him to the public area and waited for him.

I know ppl are entitled to have their wedding go how they want but I just wouldn’t associate with ppl who are so uptight, I’m quite a relaxed person so it wouldn’t have bothered me at all. Maybe these just aren’t your ppl and you should keep your distance from now on.

She asked him to go back to the lawn because his mother had allowed him in anyway. How is that treating him like an animal?

The only one to blame here is OP for allowing him in anyway.

You keep saying you didn’t think but then when the position became apparent you didn’t say “oh god I’m so sorry, totally didn’t realise the brunch was an organised event with named guests. Son and I will head off”

I can’t believe how many people here would see an uninvited child at their wedding and would ask them to leave rather than let them eat a sausage and a bit of bread. I would let a kid I didn’t know eat that, never mind a relative! Take it up with the parents later if you must, but in the moment not to let them eat, is just so incredibly petty to me.

I have never gate-crashed an event and never would. But I would also never refuse food to a child if there was food available!

Because it was in a private room with a guest list which likely means it was free aka paid for by someone else not actually free.

It was her partner's SISTER, @YourBestFriend , and the son wasn't kicked out he was just told to sit on the grass in the garden. Maybe actually read OP's posts before responding. OP tried to repeatedly manipulate to get her son into a PRIVATE area he wasn't allowed in, then cried to manipulate and cause a scene. I know who is the "piece of shit and fucking despicable human being" and it is NOT the bride!

Seriously….

”I assumed that while my son’s name was not on the guest list for the brunch the day after the wedding which was not childfree. They would not object to him being at the brunch.”

I just can’t get into your mindset … you say your self he wasn’t on the list so you snuck him in thinking they wouldn’t object , you tried to gatecrash an uninvited guest and got called out for it

You took a gamble and it didn’t fall your way dust yourself off and apologise profusely to the bride

Once you were stopped at the private room door you had many options, public restaurant, room service, cafe , go home etc but you tried your luck gatecrashing and it didn’t work… now you have soured relations with your future in laws

Genuine question - lots of people saying the OP's son isn't family - why? The OP has been with her partner for three years and living together for one year so presumably her son has met the family, attended other things with them etc. At what point does he become family? Because in my life he'd definitely be someone I considered as a nephew if I were the bride

Not inviting siblings step-kids to an otherwise not-child-free wedding is pointed and unkind, the bride has not covered herself in glory here, I don’t like her! but the dignified, beyond-reproach response would have been you you (and your partner ideally, to show a united front), to decline to attend.