Crashed a wedding brunch with son. Evicted by Sister-in-law

[Weddingbrunchcrasher]

Partner’s sister got married on Saturday. Partner asked if my 8 year old could come but was told no.

She only wanted her other brother’s daughter as a bridesmaid. Her other brother’s three stepchildren were not invited, the youngest of whom is thirteen.

I then asked her directly if I could bring him in the evening, she said that she wasn’t having an evening do but the invitation clearly went into the evening, what she said was she meant a separate evening do. No extra guests were coming in the evening.

Ex wasn’t available to look after son but he had a sleepover with a friend but they were heading off at 9:00 in the morning so I had to leave hotel to collect my son. Partner didn’t have a separate car and it didn’t occur to me that it would be a problem to head back to hotel with my son for the brunch they had arranged.

Again just did not occur to me that it would be a problem.

So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in. I refused to leave him to go into brunch to ask if he could come in.

Partner had left phone so finally the brunch spilled out to the lawn and we joined them. We were both starving so I went to get plates. His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave, sort of gently by asking him to go out on lawn with my partner. Partner left with us and we had breakfast in the pubic bit.

I actually started to cry over breakfast, then my son did. I am ashamed of myself for this.

I get I was unreasonable over wedding but the Brunch surely I wasn’t. Did I make too many assumptions?

Bride and groom have met my son. We have lived together for a year.

Partner is a bit shocked but obviously it was their actual wedding.

Of course the brunch was part of the wedding!
I suspect you knew that.
You do now anyway.

So your DS wasnt a guest of the hotel and also not invited to the event (which is obviously pay per head) yet you thought he could just grab a plate? who did you think was paying? where did you think the extra food would come from?

I'm not a fan of childfree weddings, I think they are usually full of stuffy self importance and ignorance but you cannot 'crash' any event. They are paying and you cannot demand a free meal. Your choice was to just not go if you don't like your son not being invited.

There IS a backstory. She was told ‘no’ three times.

How anybody can say the bride is in the wrong baffles me. There was clear communication, and she stuck to her word. It also sounds as though she did it without causing a scene.

You’ve probably not endeared yourself to your parent’s family, OP.

Caterers only cater for the number of guests the couple has stated. I would have been charged an additional fee for your son or they wouldn’t have had enough food for everyone if you’d done it to my wedding.

The brunch was part of the wedding. He wasn’t invited to the wedding. You need to understand that you’re only a year in… you and your son are not family yet. He is your boyfriend still not your partner.

I wouldn’t have gone to the brunch. Because I would have got the (mean) message.

I still feel that the bride and groom acted poorly when faced with a child at the event wanting breakfast.

Because hotels don’t hand out free food? They charge per head. So when he arrived and wasn’t on the guest list that’s added on as an uninvited guest. Have you ever hosted an event? You don’t pay for 80 sausages. You pay for 80 guests. 81 turn up. You pay for 81.

It is a disgusting way for him to be treated but it’s the mother that created this situation. Not the bride.

Do you take your kids to events and expect food just because it would be mean to say no?

@Crackanut the hotel will be charging at set price by the head. That's how a buffet meal works, they don't count the number of sausages you put on your plate, you know. I would also be curious to learn how many uninvited people you would tolerate eating a meal at your catered event before you baulk?

This thread is completely batshit. People tearing up over a, presumably, well fed and well loved 8 year old not being allowed into a private brunch for wedding guests. It’s hardly a workhouse waif being denied his meagre ration of gruel.

And why is it rude to turn away uninvited guests? It might be awkward yes but the rude ones are the people who turn up with uninvited children/spouses/parents.

It isn’t that uncommon ime for hotels to offer wedding packages that include a breakfast/brunch for a set number of guests. It makes sense if most guests are staying in a hotel together.

A friend did similar last year and it was made clear to her that it was for X amount of people and that she’d be charged a considerable sum for any additional people. The hotel like the one that OP visited didn’t want my friend getting anything that wasn’t specifically included in the package and didn’t want to have extra people fed for free when they could purchase breakfast as a member of the public. So it isn’t just as simple as inviting someone who isn’t on the list to join you.

Shut up😂What the hell was that? If you're comfortable denying a child food then crack on, I've just never seen it before in real life. Never. That's not how things work where I'm from.

It wasn’t a child free wedding. There were children. It just wasn’t a free for all.

They have been together for three years and live together. And plan to marry after the house refurb. When does she get to call herself a partner in your world?

@GoFissionto you they’re family. To others as they are unmarried they are not.

For the sake of your brother OP, I think you need to eat a large slice of humble pie and apologise to the Bride. Otherwise this may put some serious strain on their relationship.

I don't know what your thought process was but it wasn't logical and you then exposed your child to feeling unwanted. Not cool.

Some cultures have an open invitation for the entire village. Ironically, the poorer the country the more generous of heart are the people.

They can if they're paying for it.

Did you bother to read the post at all? There was a public area of the hotel where OP could have remained with her son. She didn't want to do that and she took him back into the private area where the brunch was taking place and helped themselves to a plate of food.

So, yes, that is absolutely unreasonable. What world wouldn't that be unreasonable?

@Riaanna cross post! Exactly. Seems that many people here don't understand about how catering for a function works.

Food from OPs plate wouldn't have cost any extra and you know it.

I'm pretty sure it was- skulk around until no one is looking, and sneak in the back.

She was allowed food. The child wasn’t.

So so true. I have witnessed it myself. There is a meanness to some in the richer west that’s so unappealing.

I get you're upset about your child (and the other step children in the family) not being included - and for what it's worth, I think that's pretty mean - but I think you would have had a lot more peope saying you're not unreasonable IF you hadn't gone and taken him anyway (albeit to the breakfast not the wedding itself). You kinda lost the moral high ground there.

He had his mother right there that could've bought him food but instead put him into this situation.

It does when an event is pay per head.

Think of it like a buffet, you don't pay for your plate you pay for ENTRY... you can't take 5 people to a buffet and pay for one saying we will all share the same 'plate'.

Except she was getting him his own plate. After already been told no.

OP was told she could enter the brunch and speak to the bride but would have to leave her 8y alone. She didn’t feel comfortable with that. She waited till she could approach the bride directly outside, with her son beside her. I think that’s all it was at that stage rather than a planned sneaky advance on the buffet table.