Crashed a wedding brunch with son. Evicted by Sister-in-law

[Weddingbrunchcrasher]

Partner’s sister got married on Saturday. Partner asked if my 8 year old could come but was told no.

She only wanted her other brother’s daughter as a bridesmaid. Her other brother’s three stepchildren were not invited, the youngest of whom is thirteen.

I then asked her directly if I could bring him in the evening, she said that she wasn’t having an evening do but the invitation clearly went into the evening, what she said was she meant a separate evening do. No extra guests were coming in the evening.

Ex wasn’t available to look after son but he had a sleepover with a friend but they were heading off at 9:00 in the morning so I had to leave hotel to collect my son. Partner didn’t have a separate car and it didn’t occur to me that it would be a problem to head back to hotel with my son for the brunch they had arranged.

Again just did not occur to me that it would be a problem.

So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in. I refused to leave him to go into brunch to ask if he could come in.

Partner had left phone so finally the brunch spilled out to the lawn and we joined them. We were both starving so I went to get plates. His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave, sort of gently by asking him to go out on lawn with my partner. Partner left with us and we had breakfast in the pubic bit.

I actually started to cry over breakfast, then my son did. I am ashamed of myself for this.

I get I was unreasonable over wedding but the Brunch surely I wasn’t. Did I make too many assumptions?

Bride and groom have met my son. We have lived together for a year.

Partner is a bit shocked but obviously it was their actual wedding.

We also don't know how many other guests may have asked the bride if they could bring uninvited family members to the event. She might have already had to say no to several, for all we know. It was a catered event with a finite guest list, which was chosen by the bride and groom and no-one else's business apart from whoever was paying. How many uninvited people is OK, do you think? And if the bride had said OK to one person, then what's to stop others deciding to snaffle a free meal for their family members too? Hey, Uncle John, get down here, there's free sausages!

And the hotel will have approved the number of guests for the venue, their staff would not have been able to just willy nilly go over the numbers.

The number of people who think you can just arrive at a closed catered event with an uninvited person is very surprising to me! And then to cap it all, steal food.

You’d be annoyed because a child ‘rocked up’ the following day? Strange thing to be annoyed about the next day when most people will be thinking about packing up and going home.

The amount of people agreeing with the bride is absolutely astonishing to me. I honestly can't get my head round it. The fact he was actually told to leave by the bride is just appalling. How cruel.

I think that the OP did this on purpose to make a point and try to cause a scene.

As I said before weddings are about love. I can't see excluding children shows that. 'step children', they're just children.
As I said I wouldn't join this family. Mean of spirit.
I have friends who are vicars and they are always disappointed when it's a child free wedding.
Having a child bridesmaid as was the case here but no others is just bloody mean. Perhaps picture perfect was required? and that doesn't make a marriage.
Run OP and find a kinder lot.

You would have happily paid extra for people who were explicitly told they weren’t invited? Curious where is the line for you?

If they couldn’t find childcare for DS, they could have declined.

Jesus christ, you were massively cheeky, to ask if he could come after your partner had already asked. The rest is just unbelievable.

OP do you tend to struggle with social nuances in general? See things in black and white? You seem quite shocked by this?

I will be honest and say that there is a lot about hosting in this country that I find quite depressingly ‘ungenerous’. I mean from an inclusive rather than a financial pov. And that includes weddings. My husband is English and I am from a different culture where the guest is ‘king’. We used to have disagreements but after 30y together he now thinks ‘my’ way is better and hates stingy hosts! He is now all about over-catering for guests, and the more the merrier.

Luckily on my occasion, none. But the person I was replying to thinks it is weirdos who turn away uninvited guests. I think it is weirdos who turn up uninvited (or bring uninvited extra guest with them).

He was told to go back on the lawn, not leave. He shouldn't have been in there anyway because OP knew that his name wasn't on the list and had already been told she couldn't go in with her son. She decided to try and go in with him anyway.

It's appalling that OP put her son in that position when she could've simply took him to have breakfast and then come back afterwards to meet with her partner.

Yep. And the bride has likely had enough of her bullshit and drawn a line. I’d love to hear the bride’s version of events, this kind of shameless pushiness and refusal to take no for an answer won’t be a once off.
OP’s embarrassed her partner and her son, then plays victim about wanting to be part of the family.

What people? You mean one 8 year old boy who would eat a sausage and bit of melon? Why would that cost extra. OP could have put the food on her own plate for him. It's absolutely disgusting the way this boy has been treated.

Its in no way mean to only want the guests you have invited to a meal you're paying for to attend.

So you actually think it’s ok as an adult to take your child somewhere you’ve been told they aren’t invited - don’t get me started on how rude it is to ask in the first place - walk in and help yourself to food and expect someone else to pay for it…? That’s something you routinely do? Teach your kids to just rock up at private events and help yourself?

It’s a depressing attitude held by so many in some western modern cultures. Just so mean-spirited.

I'm with you. I'd have thought an informal get together the following day would be more relaxed.
Bit over the top to cry. It will be talked about for ever!

So you agree with OP but have still tried to insinuate there's something 'wrong' with her thinking?

I'm with you. I'd have thought an informal get together the following day would be more relaxed.
Bit over the top to cry. It will be talked about for ever!

@Lucelady - but OP’s child is not a stepchild. In fact, this is not OP’s sister-in-law. OP has only been with the bride’s brother a few years. I think that in referring to the bride as sister-in-law OP has been quite manipulative. As she was by crying over this.

It’s not straightforward to start admitting additional guests at a pre-paid, catered event. And not straightforward if OP’s child is seen to be involved in an event to which other more closely-related children (cousins etc) were not invited. What if everyone decided to do this?

This isn’t about the bride and groom being mean. This is about the OP repeatedly trying to get her way and making someone else’s wedding about her and what she wanted.

You shouldn’t have asked if he could go in the first instance. He wasn’t on the invite. Taking him to the brunch ( I note you didn’t ask about this ) was obviously not on, and might well as looked as if you were making a point. You should have made your apologies for the brunch, and picked your son up and taken him home. I doubt he would have enjoyed being there alongside the children who were actually invited.

Best make a serious apology, and look to move on.

Because it was at a fancy hotel? It wouldn't have been cheap. Of course it would've cost extra when it was already paid for and he wasn't invited.

OP tried to get him some food anyway and put him in that position instead of just taking him off to breakfast herself.

“Hey DB do you remember that loon you dated once who tried to sneak her kid into your sisters wedding after being told not to bring him twice? Lucky escape there!”

I’ve never really understood child free weddings. I know kids can be a pain but kids running around and having fun is all part of a wedding to me. I don’t care for Insta type weddings.

The OP has been with her partner for three years. She and her son are part of this family. I know my family would insist on the OP and her son coming and being included as core guests. It wouldn’t be a lavish or instagram wedding. But all family would be there and welcome.