Crashed a wedding brunch with son. Evicted by Sister-in-law

[Weddingbrunchcrasher]

Partner’s sister got married on Saturday. Partner asked if my 8 year old could come but was told no.

She only wanted her other brother’s daughter as a bridesmaid. Her other brother’s three stepchildren were not invited, the youngest of whom is thirteen.

I then asked her directly if I could bring him in the evening, she said that she wasn’t having an evening do but the invitation clearly went into the evening, what she said was she meant a separate evening do. No extra guests were coming in the evening.

Ex wasn’t available to look after son but he had a sleepover with a friend but they were heading off at 9:00 in the morning so I had to leave hotel to collect my son. Partner didn’t have a separate car and it didn’t occur to me that it would be a problem to head back to hotel with my son for the brunch they had arranged.

Again just did not occur to me that it would be a problem.

So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in. I refused to leave him to go into brunch to ask if he could come in.

Partner had left phone so finally the brunch spilled out to the lawn and we joined them. We were both starving so I went to get plates. His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave, sort of gently by asking him to go out on lawn with my partner. Partner left with us and we had breakfast in the pubic bit.

I actually started to cry over breakfast, then my son did. I am ashamed of myself for this.

I get I was unreasonable over wedding but the Brunch surely I wasn’t. Did I make too many assumptions?

Bride and groom have met my son. We have lived together for a year.

Partner is a bit shocked but obviously it was their actual wedding.

I understand, OP. It was a brunch in the hotel where you were all staying. I can see the mistake and I can see why you thought it might be ok for a little bit as you'd had to have him back from the sleepover. Did the godchildren and cousins go to the wedding or just the brunch?

Many in more communal societies look upon their individualistic counterparts with the very same rose tinted glasses you’re looking at them with.

This wasn’t a wedding where there was an open invitation to the celebrations, and OP knew that. She showed up, and showed herself up. That is not the fault of the bride and groom.

@BunnyLake agreed.

@Dery sorry I don't agree. Catered event after a full wedding? It's just mean and not necessary.
If they are planning children the reality of this behaviour will bite this bride on the arse. The lady is a single mum. It's bloody hard with a supportive partner. She had to collect the child and then the dp. He could have taken them all for breakfast to make up for the child not being invited.

People are blinking awful. Marriage requires more than pretty pictures.
Kindness, tolerance and flexibility. I have been married for 37 years, my husband from a different culture where everyone is welcome to a wedding.

It was their special day! They're allowed to invite whomever they wish. Noone is entitled to an invite to someone else's big day!

Hopefully you can see OP that this caused them drama unnecessarily too?

Food was available for the child. Elsewhere. Where the OP could pay for it. The child wasn't barred from the hotel, just not a named guest for a private function. Options available included eating in the public dining area and the likely multiple alternative food-selling facilities in the surrounding area. The only option not available was the private function to which he had not been invited.

Then why was the bride telling OP's son to go back outside and why was OP grabbing plates because she and her son were 'starving'?

I would not flinch at an extra 8 year old guest, why are you talking about 'people'? It would not cost a penny extra to give that child a sausage and bit of melon. Fact.

Did you actually read the responses from myself and the other poster? We were not agreeing but I think we will be united in this. The waif and stray comment was me referring to that other post. And that poster was standing up for the op. So neither were nasty posts at all. Also neither were about the child. I have already said this isn't the child's fault. It's the mother's fault alone

Your child cried cos of your behaviour not cos of the bride, to be clear. 8 year old boys couldn’t care less about an invite to a wedding or post wedding brunch.

@BunnyLake So what circle of people should the event have been opened up to then? Presumably it wasn't in a defined "village", so a decision would have to be made unless the whole town/city was welcome. Anyone who wanted to come? All family members of the actual invited guests? Anyone who walked by and felt hungry? Everyone else staying in the hotel?

This is a crazy thread.

Yet plenty of parents on this thread agree with the bride.

I am really upset.

My partner’s phone was on charge in our room.
I assumed that while my son’s name was not on the guest list for the brunch the day after the wedding which was not childfree. They would not object to him being at the brunch.

When I saw people from the wedding outside I naturally went over. I never thought this would be a problem,

I did chance my arm, or try and get free food for my son at a brunch where I was a legitimate guest.

I didn’t attempt to load up on free food.

I don’t know why people think I did this to get one over on the bride because my son wasn’t invited to the main event the day before.

Couples Don’t go on honeymoon the day after the wedding anymore. There’s too much to do like cleaning out the venue etc and returning rented items.

I went a week later. Most call their next holiday after marriage the honeymoon.

The irony 😂

Think can't be true....the lack of self awareness is a stretch too far.

You knew it would be a problem to get food for your son because you had already tried to go in with him and was told no.

You knew exactly what you were doing.

@Crackanut you might not "flinch" at an extra person but that's not how commercial catering works. The hotel will count the number of people and charge accordingly. If they see an unexpected/uninvited person has come in (which they would see as they had staff on the door) then they will ask for the money for an extra cover. (If you go to a buffet in a restaurant you can't say afterwards oh I only had a little bit so I shouldn't have to pay, can you?)

It makes me really sad that (thankfully) a small amount of people don’t understand that people can have whatever wedding they want

You would have an absolute fit if people here were so disparaging about non-Western cultures in such a blanket manner. Appalling hypocrisy.

Good for the bride to say CFs need to be treated like CFs

Can't believe how rude you are. You were told he couldn't come and ignored them. Yabu and owe the bride and groom a huge apology for your terrible behaviour.

Exactly, I find it so odd that people think it’s ok to be so judgemental and mean to the bride. Absolute hypocrisy

Extra children? What does that mean? Do you mean invited guests who the bride and groom wanted there?

I am very much a people pleaser & don’t like people to get annoyed with me or see me as rude. I have an eight year old daughter and I think in this situation I would have picked her up, taken her to a cafe for a mum and daughter brunch and then collected my partner when he was done

I don’t expect open invitation village weddings here but to deny an eight year old food who is standing in front of you makes you a sucky human being.