Crashed a wedding brunch with son. Evicted by Sister-in-law

[Weddingbrunchcrasher]

Partner’s sister got married on Saturday. Partner asked if my 8 year old could come but was told no.

She only wanted her other brother’s daughter as a bridesmaid. Her other brother’s three stepchildren were not invited, the youngest of whom is thirteen.

I then asked her directly if I could bring him in the evening, she said that she wasn’t having an evening do but the invitation clearly went into the evening, what she said was she meant a separate evening do. No extra guests were coming in the evening.

Ex wasn’t available to look after son but he had a sleepover with a friend but they were heading off at 9:00 in the morning so I had to leave hotel to collect my son. Partner didn’t have a separate car and it didn’t occur to me that it would be a problem to head back to hotel with my son for the brunch they had arranged.

Again just did not occur to me that it would be a problem.

So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in. I refused to leave him to go into brunch to ask if he could come in.

Partner had left phone so finally the brunch spilled out to the lawn and we joined them. We were both starving so I went to get plates. His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave, sort of gently by asking him to go out on lawn with my partner. Partner left with us and we had breakfast in the pubic bit.

I actually started to cry over breakfast, then my son did. I am ashamed of myself for this.

I get I was unreasonable over wedding but the Brunch surely I wasn’t. Did I make too many assumptions?

Bride and groom have met my son. We have lived together for a year.

Partner is a bit shocked but obviously it was their actual wedding.

I mean thats fine. but I think the bride was probably just irritated by the op going on and on about her son attending, she sounds relentless showing up with him was the last straw, she purposely picked the kid up and took him back to the venue. I assume to make a point.

The "difference it would have made" would have been the hotel charging for an extra breakfast, for someone who was not invited. The bride is perfectly entitled to say no. What if ten other people had turned up with family members and also expected to be fed for free? When do you draw the line?

Yes absolutely vile things said about the child. More than one poster has referred to him as a "waif and stray". Few posters have said he's just a "random child". I honestly can't believe there are people out there like these posters who are so rigid thinking and heartless as to deny a bit of breakfast the day after the actual wedding. I don't live in England though so maybe it's the norm? Where I live this wouldn't even generate a discussion.

YABU- as you have realised. I hope you are planning to apologise to your partner's sister.

Only ugly people would feel the need to make such an unkind fuss.

again I find it fascinating that the people who feel that op didn’t do anything wrong are the ones who’ve made quite horrible comments about a bride who is having the most special weekend of her life - which she is also footing the bill for. Baffling

YANBU. This wasn’t the actual wedding day, but the following day.

Only weirdo’s would think it OK to exclude family members from a late breakfast get together the following day. Surely, that’s where you begin to cement new family relationships?

Your SIL was incredibly mean to make your son leave and it doesn’t bode well for future family get togethers. I’d be giving her a wide swerve from now on.

@Flossflower someone coming over to wish you well doesn't cost the price of a meal or take up a chair at a table at an event which is catered and set out for specific numbers, does it?...it's not the same at all.

“waif and stray". Few posters have said he's just a "random child"

the waif and stray comment was taken out of context

and, quite honestly, he is a random child to the bride

All this “It didn’t occur to me, I didn’t think, I never could have imagined…” - it’s all so disingenuous. None of it explains why you didn’t just wait until the brunch was likely to be over.

It was so simple. You could have eaten breakfast at home with your son and then gone to collect your partner when it was all over (if he really couldn’t have got a lift back with one of his many family members). Then it would have been a moot point whether your son was invited to the brunch or not. It would have solved the issue of you both being “starving” too. That wouldn’t have been a problem if you’d just eaten at home. You keep saying you didn’t think, it never occurred to you - but you must have thought your child would need breakfast. That cannot be a revelation to you after eight years.

Yet you still went straight there knowing you’d both be hungry, and that the event would still be going on. I notice you STILL haven’t explained why you did that…

Wow….I’m shocked you thought this would be ok and feel very sorry for your son and the position YOU put him in. He must have been very embarrassed. WTAF were you thinking?

even if she didn't want him there she behaved incredibly rudely and unkindly.

manners and kindness cost nothing. you had travelled, payed for a hotel, sorted childcare. some food before leaving is not a big deal.

anyone who would make a family member feel humiliated like this is a total dick.

This thread has really highlighted how many people lack comprehensive reading skills.

Have I missed a rule that you can only have invited events on the day of the wedding?
Or that the B & G aren't allowed to decide how they want to have their own wedding ?

Genuine question, whatever you think of the wedding do you think that the couple can't have the wedding they want?

They’ve only lived together a year, he is a random child. She’s not married to the brides brother.

I would imagine that the fact the bride had already said no more than once has been part of why she then made him leave the brunch. It was probably just the straw that broke the camels back.

It’s going to be so awkward now for you and your partner whenever you see the family next. I can only imagine what they’re saying about your level of CF.

I’d be giving her a wide swerve from now on.

I doubt she’ll be given the opportunity to do otherwise…

I’m really confused by this too. Why does the bride have to be polite to someone she’s said no to multiple times at her own bloody wedding

Is this for real?

How could you take your don when you were told many times he was not welcome?

This is why I hate weddings. Imagine ushering out the child that your brother lives with, the day after your wedding.

I think OP means the partner's dad paid for the wedding (and therefore the brunch) and it never occurred to the OP to offer him any money so her son could eat some of the brunch.

I doubt the SIL gives a fuck, since she isn't the OP's SIL - she is the sister of the OP's partner and the child isn't any relation at all - not even a step child (and the other "stepchildren" were also NOT INVITED). The OP decided to ignore the fact that her son wasn't invited and have her partner ask for him to go, and when that got a no she asked AGAIN - that is three times she was told no and she just ignored what was said. The brides other brother apparently understood what "no" meant - it was the height of bad manners for the OP to ignore what she was told, and to bring her son when others had been told they could not bring theirs. The OP has effectively said "up yours" to the entire family - her partner, his brother and his sister - and done what she wanted. I doubt very much that it is the brides relationship that is in any danger. The OP's, on the other hand, may well be.

Whether he is a child or adult is irrelevant, he wasn't a wedding guest and the event was a catered private event for the wedding guests, not an informal get together. The fact that a child was upset is entirely on the OP. And she set a terrible example to her son by going back in to steal food after being told (again) that he was not invited.

No they haven’t. My post said i would be too happy to care, OP’s son and any waif and strays would be welcome because I’d be too happy to sweat the small stuff.

One poster said random child and I quoted them telling them that was mean.

Ultimately you feel aggrieved that you were not treated as close family by having your son invited to their wedding, but your son is not the bride or grooms family. Clearly due to cost or other reasons they chose not to invite your son but also did not invite the step children of other siblings so you put the Bride in an awkward situation that potentially could have upset other people if they saw your son there where their own children weren't invited. I think the clue here is that it was in a private room with a guest list that your son wasn't on. If it was an open breakfast at the hotel with everyone paying for themselves in the public area then it would be different, but this wasn't the case.

It was the poster above you I was referring to. I knew what you meant but she was referring to the son as a waif and stray, although she's blaming you.

I honestly can't believe there are people out there like these posters who are so rigid thinking and heartless as to deny a bit of breakfast the day after the actual wedding.

He’s not Oliver bloody Twist! His mother could have fed him in his own house and then gone to collect her partner at the end of the event.