Crashed a wedding brunch with son. Evicted by Sister-in-law

[Weddingbrunchcrasher]

Partner’s sister got married on Saturday. Partner asked if my 8 year old could come but was told no.

She only wanted her other brother’s daughter as a bridesmaid. Her other brother’s three stepchildren were not invited, the youngest of whom is thirteen.

I then asked her directly if I could bring him in the evening, she said that she wasn’t having an evening do but the invitation clearly went into the evening, what she said was she meant a separate evening do. No extra guests were coming in the evening.

Ex wasn’t available to look after son but he had a sleepover with a friend but they were heading off at 9:00 in the morning so I had to leave hotel to collect my son. Partner didn’t have a separate car and it didn’t occur to me that it would be a problem to head back to hotel with my son for the brunch they had arranged.

Again just did not occur to me that it would be a problem.

So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in. I refused to leave him to go into brunch to ask if he could come in.

Partner had left phone so finally the brunch spilled out to the lawn and we joined them. We were both starving so I went to get plates. His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave, sort of gently by asking him to go out on lawn with my partner. Partner left with us and we had breakfast in the pubic bit.

I actually started to cry over breakfast, then my son did. I am ashamed of myself for this.

I get I was unreasonable over wedding but the Brunch surely I wasn’t. Did I make too many assumptions?

Bride and groom have met my son. We have lived together for a year.

Partner is a bit shocked but obviously it was their actual wedding.

YABVU how many times do you need to be told that this was a child free wedding ? You asked on numerous occasions if you could bring your son and was told no - but you decided to bring him anyway and then made a scene when yet again you were told no !
You were out of order - I feel sorry for your DS and DP .

Chances are he didn’t give a toss. I might be wrong of course but there’s been no mention of him.

yikes. This is cringe from start to finish.

You're choosing to make this about you, but there could be any number of reasons for the limited children numbers. You believe that living with her brother for a year makes your son part of the extended family, but I guess you have your answer now. I suspect I'd feel the same as the bride. Does your son know the other children at all? Does he have much of a relationship with her?

I mean, all of this is inconsequential, because when you arrived with him at the brunch and his name wasn't on the list, it was a very clear indication that despite the 'heaving sideboard of food', he literally was not invited. Take him somewhere else. Sitting and crying about it made him sad about it as well. I can't imagine he'd have cared until he was made the centre of this unwanted negative attention.

Me too.

Surely you realised that the Bride and Groom pay for food per head? If anything it would matter more for the brunch than the service.

I am speechless at how awful people are being over a child having a breakfast. Especially when MN is full of threads about them or their kids being excluded from things.

I suspect he was thinking 'oh god, I thought we'd dealt with this' and was off quaffing bucks fizz with the best man.

Yes. I can’t imagine a bloke who’d just had his wedding night giving a shiny shit about this. As I said though, I could be wrong.

It's not "just a child having a breakfast". It's someone literally stealing food from a private catered event to which they weren't invited.

This isn't about a child eating this is about an entitled woman who barged in so her child could have breakfast, then she had a tantrum about the whole thing.

How many times do you have to be told no before you actually listen?

I think you were extremely rude firstly for asking after your partner was told. And then for showing up after being told no twice.

What on earth? Unbelievably rude.

I still stand can’t wrap my head around being so uptight as the bride. I wouldn’t think twice about making them feel welcome and making sure they had ate if it was me.

Most hotels bend over backwards to keep guests/customers happy. All it would have taken was a quick word from bride or groom to let him in. Hey, if you're they type of person who grudges children food then fair enough. I've just never come across it.

A wedding day is a very special day.

Omg what horrible reactions you've had OP !
I can understand why you thought the day after the wedding brunch would be OK but your partner should have clarified this with his sister ahead of time.
People can get so nasty about these things. I suggest when you get married just go abroad & invite a very small group of your nearest & dearest.
We all feel very sensitive about our children being excluded but weddings can bring families together and be chilled or they can miss the whole point.
I really don't think this is about cost, more about control.
I'm married with biological and step children and even before marriage I'd treat everyone the same and I'd also do this with family & friends but some people just don't, sad but true.
Also, be prepared that this person will probably treat your child differently to any child you share with your partner in the future, this happened to us and it really upset my husband.
Hopefully you'll feel better in a few days, spend some quality time with your son and partner.

Even though it was the day after the wedding, the brunch was in a private area and your son had been refused entry. You knew he was not welcome to food when you went to get him a plate. As petty as it seems you were taking food you had no right to. You knew all that and could have just waited for your husband in the breakfast area where you ultimately bought your son food anyway.

In my opinion weddings are often ridiculous with guests having to go to great expense and inconvenience to facilitate the bride’s dream. But once you agree to the terms you should honour them.

I agree with this.

I think you were thoughtless and in SIL shoes I would have seen it as a bit crass and rolled my eyes, but nothing more. I really believe I don't know anyone IRL who would have done what she did.

I am astonished at some of the responses on here.

"breakfast in the pubic bit"

Hope you didn't find short & curlies on your toast

YABU but you don't sound in the least bit sorry for being a CF

Yep, wedding guests. Her son wasn't a wedding guest.

If there were other kids there I really don’t see what difference it would make to have an extra 9 year old boy there for breakfast. The bride made her decision and fair enough I guess but has probably damaged any future relationship with her sister in law.

What an awful position to put your son in, you were using him to manipulate what you wanted. I very much doubt your boyfriend is on your side.

The bride clearly wasn’t in wedding glow. Perhaps it doesn’t bode well. I only had a small wedding but another strange lady hotel guest came in to congratulate me. The staff were very apologetic but I really didn’t care.

The married couple needed to pay caterers for the brunch and rely on RSVP numbers.
You created this entire scenario!! YOU!

“Wedding” includes the ceremony, and post ceremony cocktails or a post or pre ceremony meal.

You gatecrashed the meal and made a scene. It’s utterly terrible behaviour on your part. You were already told no!!

I suspect that it was a last straw for the bride re your son attending the wedding.

She sent an invite where he was not invited - then your partner asks her directly and she says no again. Then you ask if he can come just later on the wedding day and she has to say no again. Then you bring him to the final part of the wedding celebrations anyway without asking.

@Weddingbrunchcrasher YABU OP. The trouble is, you keep writing "it never occurred to me that brunch would be a problem" except you wrote in your opening post "So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in." So, at this point, it should have been absolutely clear to you that your previous assumptions were wrong and taking your DS to the brunch was a problem. And at this point you should have calmly returned to the hotel's general breakfast area to have breakfast with your DS there.