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Original poster

Crashed a wedding brunch with son. Evicted by Sister-in-law

1000 replies

Weddingbrunchcrasher · 14/04/2025 14:05

Partner’s sister got married on Saturday. Partner asked if my 8 year old could come but was told no.

She only wanted her other brother’s daughter as a bridesmaid. Her other brother’s three stepchildren were not invited, the youngest of whom is thirteen.

I then asked her directly if I could bring him in the evening, she said that she wasn’t having an evening do but the invitation clearly went into the evening, what she said was she meant a separate evening do. No extra guests were coming in the evening.

Ex wasn’t available to look after son but he had a sleepover with a friend but they were heading off at 9:00 in the morning so I had to leave hotel to collect my son. Partner didn’t have a separate car and it didn’t occur to me that it would be a problem to head back to hotel with my son for the brunch they had arranged.

Again just did not occur to me that it would be a problem.

So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in. I refused to leave him to go into brunch to ask if he could come in.

Partner had left phone so finally the brunch spilled out to the lawn and we joined them. We were both starving so I went to get plates. His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave, sort of gently by asking him to go out on lawn with my partner. Partner left with us and we had breakfast in the pubic bit.

I actually started to cry over breakfast, then my son did. I am ashamed of myself for this.

I get I was unreasonable over wedding but the Brunch surely I wasn’t. Did I make too many assumptions?

Bride and groom have met my son. We have lived together for a year.

Partner is a bit shocked but obviously it was their actual wedding.

OP posts:
Oioisavaloy27 · 14/04/2025 17:16

BunnyLake · 14/04/2025 17:14

You’re reading that out of context. I made a post saying I’m a softie and not only would OP’s son have been ok to eat I’d be letting in any waif and stray because I’d be in a wedding ‘glow’ so would be too happy to care. The other poster quoted my ‘waif and stray’. Probably somewhat hyperbolic but was just trying to get across that sil sounds rather stiff and starchy for someone who just got married.

Show quote history

It might not be that the sil is stiff it could be the fact that they had tight finances.

Pinkfluffypencilcase · 14/04/2025 17:17

Wouldn’t it have been better to say ok stay but we haven’t catered / paid for the extra?

Riaanna · 14/04/2025 17:18

Pinkfluffypencilcase · 14/04/2025 17:17

Wouldn’t it have been better to say ok stay but we haven’t catered / paid for the extra?

How would that work?

CheeseAndHamToastieAndCrisps · 14/04/2025 17:19

You said other step children weren’t invited. You’ve only lived with your partner for a year, maybe they don’t know you or your son well enough yet to invite him.

Octoberdreaming · 14/04/2025 17:20

You couldn’t be more unreasonable if you tried. Good luck getting yourself out of this awkward mess!
You really have embarrassed yourself - how humiliating for your poor kid.

TunnocksOrDeath · 14/04/2025 17:22

I think the issue OP, is that a buffet brunch at a hotel will have been booked in advance for a specified number of guests an agreed cost per head. If the hotel notice extra guests turning up over what was agreed, it looks like the couple are trying to pull a fast one on numbers, which is embarrassing, particularly if the hotel decide to present an additional bill.
I'm sure you didn't mean anything by it, but a good rule of thumb is never bring along anyone un-announced if someone else if paying the tab.

BunnyLake · 14/04/2025 17:22

Oioisavaloy27 · 14/04/2025 17:16

It might not be that the sil is stiff it could be the fact that they had tight finances.

Edited
Show quote history

OP should have just stuck an extra sausage and slice of toast on her plate and let her son have it. All this drama would then have been a non-event.

Catlady63 · 14/04/2025 17:23

I don't think you were unreasonable - the brunch was the next day, a brunch buffet in the hotel, jusy with people from the wedding sitting together in a seperate area.

I think the bride should have had better things on her mind than policing attendance at breakfast the day after she got married.

OP didn't bring her DS to the reception, it was the next day, they didn't have childcare.

murasaki · 14/04/2025 17:23

BunnyLake · 14/04/2025 17:22

OP should have just stuck an extra sausage and slice of toast on her plate and let her son have it. All this drama would then have been a non-event.

Show quote history

But the son would have been there, and he wasn't invited. Or wanted by the bridal party.

MardyBra · 14/04/2025 17:24

I’m intrigued about the “breakfast in the pubic bit” in the OP.

BunnyLake · 14/04/2025 17:24

murasaki · 14/04/2025 17:23

But the son would have been there, and he wasn't invited. Or wanted by the bridal party.

Show quote history

She could have taken the plate to a public area if his presence the next day was so heinous to the bride.

FoxedByACat · 14/04/2025 17:25

Pinkfluffypencilcase · 14/04/2025 17:17

Wouldn’t it have been better to say ok stay but we haven’t catered / paid for the extra?

Sil obviously thought (rightly) that OP would continue try and get free food. She’d already been told once that the son couldn’t come in as name wasn’t on the list but had tried to sneak in and get plates. She’d shown that she couldn’t be trusted.

someone else said about there always been spare food….yes there might be but hotels charge per head. If he’d been allowed in then the sil would have had to pay for another person.

murasaki · 14/04/2025 17:27

BunnyLake · 14/04/2025 17:24

She could have taken the plate to a public area if his presence the next day was so heinous to the bride.

Show quote history

Or she could have taken him straight to the public area and paid for breakfast when she realised he wasn't (again) on the list. Rather than trying to sneak in. Or better still, have taken him home from where he was being baby sat, and picked up the partner post brunch.

BBT213 · 14/04/2025 17:28

Weddingbrunchcrasher · 14/04/2025 15:40

I have lived with my partner for a year having dated him for two years before. We plan to marry when we have done up the house.

I accept fully that I took an uninvited 8 year old to a private function but I did not think that they would be so precious about a brunch the day after their wedding.

At no point did I have a conscious thought that I was gatecrashing or trying to bag a free breakfast for my child.

I admit I didn’t think but that is very different from consciously trying to get one over on the bride.

I wouldn’t leave him in the reception on his own so went onto the lawn. It never occurred to me that she would object to the 8 year her brother lives with having something off the table at s brunch.

it would never occur to me to approach my partner’s Dad who paid With a tenner so my 8 year old could have a sausage and a slice of melon from a heaving sideboard of food.

I think I cried because there was a realisation that we weren’t considered family.

Of course I would want my child with me at a wedding not least because of the logistics but I didn’t gatecrash the brunch the following day in order to get one over on them or bag a sausage.

my partner’s Dad who paid With a tenner so my 8 year old could have a sausage and a slice of melon from a heaving sideboard of food.

Either you are minimising what happened, or your partner's dad paid waaaaaaaaaaaay over the odds for a sausage and a bit of melon.

But either way - why did he pay and not you?

Pinkfluffypencilcase · 14/04/2025 17:28

Riaanna · 14/04/2025 17:18

How would that work?

Show quote history

Then they could’ve offered to pay the hotel to eat.

like I said up thread my actual wedding had a gatecrasher. They paid the extra. It did feel a bit much but we let it pass rather than evict anyone.

BunnyLake · 14/04/2025 17:28

I still want to know what the groom said or felt about it.

TonTonMacoute · 14/04/2025 17:28

nightmarepickle2025 · 14/04/2025 14:20

I can sort of understand up until the bit where it was in a separate room, and therefore clearly invite only, at which point you should just have taken him for breakfast in the public hut and waited for your partner there.

This ⬆️

HellDorado · 14/04/2025 17:28

DappledThings · 14/04/2025 16:03

It was exactly that. The wedding was over.

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Yes, it was just the bit the next day in the same venue with the same people celebrating the same occasion.

I can’t imagine how anyone might think they were related…

CalleOcho · 14/04/2025 17:29

“I think I cried because there was a realisation that we weren’t considered family”

I think that’s the bottom line.

She doesn’t see your son as her ‘family’. She probably doesn’t even see you as her ‘family’.

You’re just her brother’s girlfriend/partner. Maybe it would be different if you were married. It would definitely be different if your son was your partners biological son too.

Some people are like this OP. (I for one, am not, and if I was getting married I would be inviting children, including children of my sibling’s partners.) But some people, are quite rigid in their thinking of what they class as family.

You we’re obviously unreasonable by bringing your son to the brunch. Hopefully you can start to realise this and move on. If I were you I would apologise, and try to avoid her as much as possible at anymore gatherings or events you’ll both be at.

murasaki · 14/04/2025 17:29

BunnyLake · 14/04/2025 17:28

I still want to know what the groom said or felt about it.

Me too!

Oioisavaloy27 · 14/04/2025 17:30

BBT213 · 14/04/2025 17:28

my partner’s Dad who paid With a tenner so my 8 year old could have a sausage and a slice of melon from a heaving sideboard of food.

Either you are minimising what happened, or your partner's dad paid waaaaaaaaaaaay over the odds for a sausage and a bit of melon.

But either way - why did he pay and not you?

Show quote history

That's what I said why on earth would you turn up at a wedding without money for drinks?

Cornishclio · 14/04/2025 17:30

I don’t really get why you didn’t go straight home after picking up your son and leave your partner to find his own way back.

HellDorado · 14/04/2025 17:30

Flossflower · 14/04/2025 16:15

If OP stayed at the hotel overnight, it could have been breakfast in with b and b rate.

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Which would cover her. Not her child.

DappledThings · 14/04/2025 17:30

HellDorado · 14/04/2025 17:28

Yes, it was just the bit the next day in the same venue with the same people celebrating the same occasion.

I can’t imagine how anyone might think they were related…

Show quote history

Not unrelated, clearly a lot of the wedding guests would still be there at this additional meal that is the day after the wedding. Pretentious to actually consider a part of the wedding with the same level of invitation required. A level of pretension OP wasn't expecting and was thrown by meaning she then handled it badly.

PollyCreo · 14/04/2025 17:31

You sound like my histrionic ex SIL. She would ruin every family event and make it all about her.

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